Bella's Chance at Happiness
by sweetaholic
Summary: Edward has left, and now Bella is picking up the pieces. Will she be able to fall in love with Jacob, or will her love for Edward be too strong? Finished!
1. Chapter 1: The Fight

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own any of these characters, places, etc.**

** Author's Note ** I understand that a lot of people won't like this peice of writing as it is Jacob & Bella, though I hope you don't review badly judged on personal preferences rather than your opinions on my writing/story writing abilities. Please be kind. :)

Life had gone on slowly since Edward had left. I couldn't remember much about the earlier months, about the pain and the tears and the nightmares - well, I suppose I did remember the nightmares, considering I was still having them. The only thing that kept me going was my friendship with Jacob. It was something about his smile, so perfect and happy, it made me wish I had a smile like that. Jacob was my best friend now, and if I could have it my way, we'd never be apart. He made Edward feel like only a distant memory, and made me wonder if my time with Edward had even been real, or just a very realistic dream. Either way, it didn't matter. All that mattered was that Jacob made me feel part-way human, and he reminded me that I was still alive. Even behind the hurt. Sometimes I wondered if Edward would come back, if he'd visit me again some time in the middle of the night while Charlie was snoring away in his own bedroom, oblivious to everything his teenage daughter was going through. Oblivious especially to the fact that she'd been dating a vampire. The word "vampire" almost made me laugh these days. With Edward gone, it was hard to tell if I was still sane. Was he really a vampire? Did he ever really exist? Was I going crazy with loss? I tried to keep those thoughts away from me, but usually they'd enter my mind during the silent moments of my life; and only Jacob seemed to keep those thoughts away from me.

I'd only really started seeing Jacob because of the motorcycles. Hearing Edward's voice in my head again was like a breath of fresh air - or a slap in the face - I wasn't really sure. I did admit to myself that I'd been using him, but after spending so much time with him, I realised I'd grown more attached than I'd wanted. After all the pain the motorcycles had caused my body, and Jacob's conscious, I'd decided to give it a rest. I no longer pressured Jacob into teaching me to ride in secret, and then lying to everybody about how I'd hurt myself. He seemed relieved whenever I came around and didn't press the matter, and usually that made him a lot happier. But the nightmare I'd had that night had been so real, so painful, that I had to hear Edward's voice just one last time, and the motorcycle seemed the only way to do it.

I left the house, pulling on my rain jacket as I did to protect myself from the drizzling rain outside as I climbed up into the cab of my truck. I drove off towards La Push, driving a little faster than I usually would, anxious to hear Edward's voice again. I pulled up outside the little shack and ran up to the front door, knocking hard. I heard a shuffling from inside and Jacob opened the door, grinning madly. He always smiled at me like that, as though he hadn't seen me for years. I loved it.  
"Hi Jake!" I said as cheerfully as I could, hoping I wouldn't let on that I was feeling anxious about getting back onto the bikes.  
"Hey Bells," he said, grinning. He stepped out and we walked around the side of the house to the shed out back, where the motorcycles sat for all to see, and it looked like he'd been tinkering with them.  
"How are the bikes?" I asked, half-heartedly, wondering how he'd react if I told him I wanted to ride again.  
"Oh, they're ok. I was just fixing a few things on mine, but they should be fine. Why?" he asked. He glanced at me from the corner of his eyes, a little suspicious. I shrugged as I sat in the Rabbit, yawning. I wondered if I was fooling him.  
"Maybe we could, go for another ride?" I asked. I remembered with a wince the last time we went riding, I'd really hurt my arm badly. But the voice in my head had been so strong, so wonderful, I was willing to do it again. For Edward.  
"Bella -" he began, but I stopped him.  
"Just a little one. I promise I'll be careful," I said, grinning, trying to keep the mood uplifting. But he was frowning down at me, and his frown was very serious. I sighed, knowing what was about to happen.  
"Bella, I can't let you get hurt anymore. What would happen if it was really serious? What would I tell Charlie?" he asked, looking at me generously with his big puppy dog eyes. I had to admit, my heart melted. But the urge to hear that voice was too strong.  
"Please Jacob," I said, pouting. My flirting skills hadn't improved.  
"I have to say no," he said, turning his back to me. I let out a sigh, and I felt the rage built up inside of me. He didn't know how I was feeling, he didn't understand the hurt that Edward had left, the hole he'd left in me. He didn't understand how important it was for me to hear his voice again.  
"Jacob, if you don't take me, I'll just go by myself," I said angrily, getting up. He wheeled around and grabbed my arm.  
"No, Bella, don't make me call Charlie," he said, his voice was low and ferocious, and it looked as though he could kill me right then. My heart jumped with fear.

_Don't make him angry, Bella. Stop it._

There it was. I stopped. Jacob was still glaring at me, and he was panting quickly, gripping onto my arm with a hot hand. I shifted slightly, wondering if I could make him angrier. Would Edward speak again?  
"Call him, I don't care. You can't stop me, Jacob," I yelled, trying to push him away from me, but instead he grabbed my shoulders with both arms and held me there on the spot.

_BELLA! ENOUGH!_

"Bella!" Jacob's own voice drowned Edward's out, as though I'd been in a daze. He hadn't let me go, he was angry but his eyes were full of hurt. I couldn't take anymore, I already regretted it. I pushed him away the best I could and ran, out around the house again through the rain, climbed into my truck and drove away. I didn't stop to think about what I'd just done, what had just happened, all I knew was that I'd made a big mistake.


	2. Chapter 2: Backlash

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own any characters, places, etc.**

** Author's Note ** I know this one might drag on a little bit, and it's only because I'm trying to keep the story as realistic as possible - at least, as realistic as a vampire/werewolve teenage love drama is going to get !! Be kind in reviews please :)

I had to pull up on the side of the road because my tears were leaking from my eyes faster than I could wipe them away. I hadn't even left La Push yet, and I glanced behind me cautiously to make sure he wasn't following. Not only had I caused myself pain by forcing Edward's voice back into my head, but I'd hurt Jacob was well; and he didn't even know why I was doing this to him. Maybe if he knew, he'd understand. No, Jacob could never understand that. I was already regretting hurting Jacob like that, I wanted to turn my truck around, drive back and just hold him. Tell him I was sorry. Cry. He was the only person who made me feel like I was somebody, and now I'd hurt him too. Did he want to see me now? Would he call Charlie?  
No, Jacob wouldn't do that. He'd never do that.

I pulled myself together and drove home, realising with angst that I still had tomorrow to busy myself before going back to school on Monday, when the distractions would be so constant I wouldn't have to think about anything but school. I had no homework left to do, I'd completed most of it on Friday evening. There was nothing left for me to do but mope about the house, doing odd chores and hopefully finding some refuge in Charlie, if he was home.  
I walked in the front door, realising Charlie was already home.  
"Hi Bells," he said, not looking away from the television.  
"Hi," I managed to croak out, hoping I didn't sound as pathetic as I thought I did. Although I must have, because he turned around with a worried look on his face; the same worried look he'd get when I'd go all quiet over dinner or when I'd go to bed early when there was nothing left to do. Although I'd managed to pick up my life again, I could tell Charlie was terrified of losing me again.  
"What's wrong?" he asked, his tone serious and fast. I only shrugged.  
"Nothing, Dad. I'm fine," I replied, turning away from him so he wouldn't see the tears forming in my eyes.  
Jacob hadn't called Charlie. I knew that he wouldn't.  
"Bella…" he began, but I stopped him.  
"I'm fine," I snapped, and I left the room then, climbed the stairs and collapsed onto my bed, burying my face in the pillow. I felt disgusting.  
I'd let myself be tempted by Edward's beautiful, melodic voice again. I'd heard him so perfectly in my head, so beautifully. I wanted to hear it again, but I told myself it was a bad idea. But still, my insides ached for it. I couldn't imagine that any other addiction in the world was this hard to give up. Why did I have to go and fall in love with a vampire?

I thought about Jacob then, wondering what he was doing, what he was thinking. I remembered how insistent I was being on riding the bikes. I must have sounded crazy. He must be so confused. I wanted to call him, to apologise, but I couldn't. I had needed to hear the voice, and I know Jacob was acting out of love, but he can't control me like that.

My feelings and thoughts were all over the place, I couldn't live like this any longer. I put in my headphones and turned the music up as loud as it could go, drowning out my own thoughts. I closed my eyes, and let myself fall asleep.

Then the nightmare. I knew it was same nightmare, everything was the same, and when I woke up I was screaming.

It was the middle of the night. I'd missed dinner. Charlie hadn't woken me. I didn't know if I should be thanking him or cursing him. I was covered in sweat, and I got up and placed my cold feet on the floor. It was raining softly outside, and for an instant there I imagined Edward crawling gently through my window, flawlessly, landing with a soft thud on my floor, his hair dripping lightly from the rain. I shook the image out of my head, missing him deathly every moment, trying not to think about it. I paced my room a few times before checking the time. 2am. I still had more than a few hours before I could get up, so I decided to try and relax. I crawled back into my bed and huddled in beneath the blankets, gripping my eyes shut I tried to make myself fall asleep.


	3. Chapter 3: Apologies

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own the characters, places, etc.**

** Author's Note ** Uuuuum I know, cliff-hanger much? Haha. This one is a little short, but, I totally wanted a cliff-hanger ending, so, I thought this would be perfect. Be kind! :D

A whole week passed since I spoke to Jacob. The nightmares continued, worse than ever. But I kept myself from doing anything dangerous that would let me hear Edward's voice again. I had to tell myself the truth; he was gone. And he wasn't coming back. No matter how much I didn't want to believe that, and now that I had told myself that, the only thing left to do was make up with Jacob. On Saturday morning when I woke up, I decided today was the day. Charlie had already left when I woke up, the cruiser was missing from the driveway. I dressed recklessly and went downstairs to eat a quick breakfast. I didn't even taste it. I was too nervous to think of anything else, and I was already second guessing my decision to drive down to La Push to see Jacob. I wasn't sure if he wanted to see me or talk to me right now, but I had to try. Jacob was my safe harbour after all, I needed him. I left the house then, and shuffled my old truck off down towards La Push. I wondered then if I should have called first. Though it was a little late for that, now. Besides, I didn't care what Jacob, or Billy, thought of me right now. I just needed to let Jacob know that I still wanted to be friends.

The heavy rain seemed to be slowing me down, and I gripped the wheel tightly in frustration. The minutes seemed to be ticking by slowly, and the roads felt like they were never ending. But at last the familiar streets of La Push came into view, and I felt relieved as I pulled up outside of Jacob Black's home. I cut the engine and looked towards the window to see if Billy had heard the familiar engine. Just as he'd read my mind, he was holding the curtain back to look at me through the glass window. I waved, trying to keep things as normal as possible, and he nodded back to me curtly. I got out of my truck and ran up towards the door, almost completely soaked by the time I'd reached it. Billy had it open, ready for me, and I bustled in. He closed the door quietly after me.  
"How are you, Bella?" he asked, wheeling over to a cupboard near the hallway and pulling out a towel for me. He threw it over to me, and I began drying myself off quickly.  
"Yeah, I'm okay, thanks. You?" I asked, drying off my hair then.  
"Good. Here to see Jacob?" he asked, raising his eyebrows. I nodded, taking in a deep breath.  
"He's in his bedroom," he said, gesturing to the hallway. I thanked him quietly, not knowing if he heard, and walked down towards Jacob's room.

I hesitated before knocking, wondering if I should be doing this. But before I had a chance, the door opened and I was standing face to face with Jacob's perfect face; his hair was out and resting by his cheeks, and his eyes held the most wonderful bewildered look.  
"Bella?" he asked, confused, but finally composing himself. He looked away, sniffing.  
"Jake…" I responded in a whisper, cautious. I had to admit, I was a little scared. I expected him to hostile, angry with me for not calling first, angry for me coming at all. But instead, he looked sad. His beautiful eyes were soft and mellow.  
"Bella, what did you want?" he asked, his voice was low. I put a hand on his bare chest and he moved aside, I slid into his bedroom beside him. He turned to face me, closing the door behind him.  
"I needed to talk to you," I said, looking up at him. I could feel my hands shaking, and I looked up at him with a serious look. He looked shocked, but he didn't object.  
"Have a seat," he offered, sitting down himself. I took a seat beside him, sitting as far away from him as possible. I couldn't look at him, but I could feel his eyes on me; cautious and wondering.  
"I'm sorry," I blurted out. I didn't really want to be the one to apologise, but I knew I had to. I just hated him being mad at me, hated not being able to speak to him. I needed him.  
"I feel really bad, Jake. I'm so sorry."  
"It's alright Bells," he murmured, smiling crookedly, and pulled me into a bear hug.  
"Crushing -" I choked out, feeling as though my ribs were breaking. He softened his grip on me then, and eventually let me go, although left his fingertips lingering on my jaw line.  
"If you really want to ride again, I'll help you," he said softly, his voice just above a whisper. He was looking at his own fingers, softly caressing my skin. His eyes then shot up to my own, and I breathed in. I felt a little uncomfortable, and I tried to imagine what things would be like if I decided to be with Jacob. But, still, I couldn't look away from his eyes. Mike was right - girls were cruel.

At that moment, I thought of Edward. I wondered what he'd want me to do. Would he want me to try and love again? Was I making the right decisions? Would it be so bad for me to want to make Jacob happy? I did love him, after all. Jacob brought his face closer to mine, and my own breathing went shallow. I could feel the blood rush to my face, embarrassed by the situation. I was closer to Jacob than I was with anybody else, but somehow, I'd never been just _this_ close with anyone - apart from Edward.  
Would it be so terrible to kiss him?  
I should.  
I'll kiss him.


	4. Chapter 4: Almost

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own any of the characters, places, etc.**

** Author's Note ** I know, maybe it's a bit out of character? I'm not too sure. Though there will be more Edward-esque drama soon, promise !! XD  
Review kindly? :)

_Would it be so terrible to kiss him?  
I should.  
I'll kiss him._

I tired not to hesitate, to seem unwilling, but I was unsure if my eyes gave me away. He was still watching me, a look in his eyes I'd never seen before, as though he could see right into my head. His face was growing closer until our lips were almost touching. I closed my eyes, waiting for the impact, waiting for his lips to press up against mine. I could feel his breath on my mouth, hot and fast, and I wondered what he was waiting for.  
"Jacob?"  
Billy.  
I took my chance, and turned my head away from Jacob's to look towards his closed door. I didn't look at Jacob, I had admit that I was terrified. My hands were shaking again, along with the rest of my body, and I tried to keep my breathing normal. Jacob seemed to ignore his name being called, his hand had crept up to my cheek now, his palm resting hotly on my skin, so gently I could barely feel it. He was looking at me, again. I could feel it.  
"Jake…" I said, breaking his concentration. He removed his hand and stood up, walking over to the door and looking back to me, waiting on his bed. I can't have imaged how that would have looked to him.  
"I'll be back in a minute, Dad's probably needs help getting something off a shelf or something," he said, rolling his eyes. He grinned at me, and I felt a rush of relief that our moment of awkward seduction was over.  
I felt my heartbeat still racing, I placed my own warm hand against it to soften it, but the very thought of what had almost just happened made me think of Edward. For that, I felt so guilty I couldn't stand it. Almost kissing Jacob made me think of Edward? What kind of a person was I?  
Was I even ready for a relationship with Jacob? We already had one, really. We talked, we hugged, we held hands. All we didn't do was kiss. We were best friends, but were we ready to be lovers?  
Now that Edward was gone, shouldn't I try to do anything that would make me, and others, happy?

Jacob returned a few moments later, hovering at the doorway, looking a little uneasy.  
"Hey, uh, Bella?" he asked, seeming a little embarrassed.  
"What is it?" I asked, looking up at him, perplexed.  
"Apparently my dad has this rule about having girls in my bedroom," he muttered, trying to keep his voice low so that Billy wouldn't hear him. I let out a small laugh. Although, I was a little annoyed that Billy had those thoughts about the two of us.  
"Why is that? How many girls do you have over?" I asked, feeling a little jealous. I had no right to feel any sort of jealousy over other girls; I had no claim over him. He didn't belong to me. But he just laughed, too.  
"Actually this is the first I've heard about it myself. I guess dad never bothered to tell me before since I was a hopeless case," he grinned, reaching out a hand to help me up.

We walked out into the lounge room, taking a seat on the couch in front of the small television. It was turned off, and Billy wheeled into the room, and suddenly it was cluttered. Everyone kept quiet. It had stopped raining outside, and only the few odd drop of water could be heard hitting the tin roof from the many trees that surrounded their home.

The minutes oozed by, and I wondered if I'd ever been more awkward in my life. After our almost kiss, now we were forced to sit stiffly in silence with Billy watching our every move. Did Billy really think that Jacob and I would do anything in his bedroom? Did he really think Jacob and I would do anything - period!? I dared a glance at Jacob, who was staring at the turned of television in annoyance, and I wondered what he was he thinking.  
Was he thinking about our almost kiss?

"Well, I think I might, head out to the shed…" Jacob muttered, almost incoherent, before getting up out of the seat. Billy eyed him suspiciously, and then me, as though he were trying to infiltrate what we were up to. I followed Jacob out the door and we walked around the house to the shed, where I took my usual seat in the Rabbit and Jacob instantly knelt down beside one of the bikes and started randomly pulling bits apart and cleaning them. "So…" I began, not wanting the awkward silent to follow us outdoors.  
"Sorry about that," he muttered, not looking up at me.  
"It's okay, I know what dad's are like," I replied, laughing a little. He grinned.  
"Yeah, my dads crazy though. At least your dad doesn't believe in stupid myths and superstitions," Jacob responded. I smiled, but I couldn't really reply. When Jacob spoke about his father that way, I wanted to tell him everything. I wanted to tell him that his dad wasn't crazy, that it was all true, that vampires did exist in Forks - or at least, they used to. But Jacob would probably just think I'm crazy, too.  
"Bella, can I ask you something?"  
"Sure," I hesitated, my mind was racing through a number of questions he may be wanting to ask me - about the almost kiss, about my feelings, about him. I didn't really want to answer any of them.  
"Do you want him to come back?" he asked, quietly, his voice was a whisper. I froze, my mind going blank, and I stared into nothingness for a moment.  
"Do I want him to come back?" I repeated, my voice was toneless and I could see from Jacob's expression that he had no idea what I was thinking.  
"I don't know." I said at last. I looked away, though from the corner of my eye, I saw Jacob sigh in relief. I didn't have enough endurance for these thoughts for his reaction to make me angry.  
"Bella?" he asked again, and suddenly he seemed to innocent and fragile, like I could break him with a single look. I was filled with compassion; the look in his eyes, the hurt, the pain, it was all because of me. And I was sorry.  
"Yeah?" I asked, having to look away from him.  
"I'll always be here for you," he whispered, not moving.

No, I would always be here for him.

Always.


	5. Chapter 5: Nightmares

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own any characters, places, etc.**

**Author's Note ** I know, short chapter, I'm sorry! And yes, the story is coming along a little slowly, I know. I had work, which is why I didn't get to write too much! _" Stupid work! Hahaha. But I promise I'll have another fabulous chapter up tomorrow (with plenty of Jacob and Bella scenes, okay!) haha. Review kindly :)

I woke up, screaming, as usual. I was covered in sweat, and my eyes were wide awake. I didn't feel tired.  
Another nightmare, another horrible series of images that haunted me.  
Sam Uley.  
Edward.

All the usual suspects.

I tried not to think about it. The more I thought about the nightmares, the worse they'd become. I'd realised that my nightmares were less, or even non-existent, the night after spending the day with Jacob. Tonight's nightmare wasn't as extreme. It was just another reason for me to cling to him, to allow myself to get closer to him, to love him. Maybe not in the same way that I loved Edward, but platonically, yes. The very thought of Jacob made my heart jump, made me catch my already fleeting breath, and I stopped.  
I'd forgotten the almost kiss. My face grew hot at the memory of our lips, so close to touching, his hot breath on me, his hand caressing me. I almost couldn't believe that I'd let myself get so carried away.

Edward. I ached for him. Seeing his blurred face and hearing his muffled voice in my dream had reminded me of everything I was fighting for - all the reasons I couldn't give in to Jacob. All the reasons I couldn't love him. Edward was each and every one of those reasons. I imagined getting back onto the bikes, roaring recklessly down the dirt path, Edward's strong but smooth voice in my head; telling me to stop, begging with me, pleading with me - the way I wish I had when he left. If I wasn't so broken on the inside, I would have been smug. He was always so concerned about me killing myself off without real intention, he always though I couldn't survive without him. But I was surviving. Just. If not for Jacob, I probably would have been dead. When I hurt myself last time on the bikes, he was the one who helped me, he was there. But, on second thought, if it weren't for Jacob, I wouldn't have a working bike to ride to begin with.  
I stopped. I was blaming everyone else but myself, I was the one at fault.  
I pushed Edward away the only way I couldn't help, by being human. Now I was blaming Jacob for hurting me, when all he was trying to do was make me happy.

It was too early Sunday morning. I could hear the distant sounds of Charlie snoring in the next room, the light rain showering gently against my glass window. I hugged my knees and tried not to think about the nightmare I'd just had. I tried not to think of Edward's heartbreaking face, I tried not to think of Sam Uley's arms around me, carrying me home.

I'd fallen asleep again somewhere between my thoughts of Sam Uley and decided to head down to La Push again during a decent hour. Maybe seeing Jacob again wasn't the best idea, but I couldn't keep myself away from him. I could never forget about Edward, but being with Jacob got me as close as I'll probably ever get. I wanted to tell Jacob all of this, tell him exactly how I felt - though even I myself was not entirely sure of that. But knowing Jacob, he would take it all the wrong way.

When I did wake up again, the sun was shining weakly into my bedroom. I blinked a few times before slowly getting up out of bed. I dressed clumsily and made my way downstairs. I hovered in the kitchen, slowly taking out a bowl and some cereal to eat. I ate it without thinking, trying to get through it as quickly as possible before heading down to La Push, anxious to see Jacob again. He would always, always make me forget the nightmares.  
Just one of the many reasons I loved him.


	6. Chapter 6: Belonging

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own any characters, places, etc.**

**Author's Note** I promise, next chapter will be good! Hahaha. And a special thank you to everyone who reviewed this fic and added it to their favourites! THANK YOU!! I hope you continue to enjoy my fic. Review kindly :)

I pulled up out front Jacob's place, cutting the engine quickly and climbing out. Jacob was waiting for me with the door open, smiling. He pulled me into a half-hug and patted my head lovingly. I couldn't help but grin.  
"Hey Bells," he said, letting me go and allowing me inside. I slipped past him and hovered behind him as he closed the door.  
"Hey," I responded, feeling nervous. Why was I feeling nervous about being around Jacob? My Jacob. But every time I looked up at him, my mind flashed back to our almost kiss, our lips, our breath, his touch, and I just lost my breath. He gave me a concerned look, but I ignored it.  
"So what's new?" he asked, slumping down onto the sofa and patting the seat beside him. I took it without thinking, and he slung an arm around me, his hand on my shoulder. "Nothing," I said, staring at the blank television in front of us. He shifted, obviously feeling uncomfortable, most likely with my lack of interest in anything. It wasn't that I was feeling upset, or mad, or annoyed with Jacob, it was that I was just so anxious. I didn't know what to expect from Jacob now, I didn't know how to react to anything he said or did anymore. Just having his arm around me made me feel jittery, made the blood rush to my face from the embarrassment.  
"Are you okay, Bells?" he asked, shifting his body to look down at my face; all pink and flushed.  
"I'm just tired," I replied. Urgh, I was a terrible liar.  
"You're a terrible liar," he confirmed, and I let out a small laugh. I shifted slightly beneath his arm and tried to get comfortable. Suddenly, Billy rolled into the room, and Jacob took his arm back quickly. Billy didn't seem to notice.  
"Haven't you had enough of him yet, Bella?" he asked with a chuckle, and I let out another small, nervous laugh. Jacob grinned.  
"She can't stay away," he responded, looking down at me smugly. I fought to urge to punch him.  
"Well she'll have to deal with you all night as well," Billy said then, cutting into my thoughts. Huh?  
"What?" Jacob mirrored my thoughts.  
"Charlie invited us over tonight, he and I are gunna watch the game," he explained. Jacob and I avoided looking at each other then. What the hell were we supposed to do? I thought angrily. I was already too nervous with Jacob now, I couldn't imagine how it would be tonight. Though, maybe I'd get over it. Maybe I'd forget about the almost kiss. Maybe I'd forget about his hot breath on my own lips, his warm hands on my skin, the way he looked at me after.  
I was kidding myself.

I followed Jacob into the garage out back and watched him amuse himself for a few hours with the bikes, only occasionally gracing him with weak conversation. I was happy to just sit and watch. I didn't feel as nervous being out in the garage, knowing Jacob's mind was occupied with other thoughts. But my own mind wasn't as kind, and I subconsciously searched Jacob's body while he worked; amazed by him. Any girl would kill to be with a boy like Jacob; he was strong and handsome and he had the kindest soul. So why did he want me of all people? He must have felt my eyes on him, because he turned to look up at me, smiling.  
"So what are you cooking us all for dinner, hey?" he asked. It was the first time he'd brought up tonight since Billy told us, we'd silently agreed not to mention it. I flushed, remembering I had to be the chef.  
"Oh, well, I don't really know," I mused, thinking to myself, trying to keep my thoughts on what we'd be eating for dinner, rather than on Jacob, who stood up and was walking to stand over me as I sat in the Rabbit. I felt his arm brush against mine and then rest there, his warm skin pressing against mine softly.  
"I'm sure whatever you make will be fine," he replied, patting my head.

I left soon after that, the drive home was long and cold, my mind still wandering through my memories of Jacob. But I reminded myself that I'd see him again in a few short hours, and I'd have all night to be confused about my feelings for him.

I drifted around the house all afternoon, doing odd chores around the place. Finally I heard the familiar sound of Charlie's cruiser pull up outside in his usual spot. I waited for him in the lounge room, vainly attempting not to be obvious, smiling at him as he walked in.  
"Hey Bella, I thought you'd be down at La Push?" he asked, looking a little shocked. I shrugged.  
"I thought I'd come home early and clean up before Billy and Jacob came by," I responded, my eyes narrowing as he looked embarrassed.  
"Oh..." he began, "I forgot to mention that last night, didn't I?"  
"Yeah..." I responded, but I couldn't get angry at Charlie. It wasn't his fault that Jacob and I had almost kissed; it wasn't his fault my mind couldn't stop replaying the moment in my head a billion times a second. It wasn't Charlie's fault that we'd made it awkward for ourselves.  
"Sorry," he said bashfully, but I only rolled my eyes at him and laughed. Charlie explained that we'd be eating after the game, so I didn't have to start cooking until mid-game, which would be a perfect excuse to avoid Jacob. I decided to cook something complex, so that even if Jacob decided to follow me into the kitchen, I wouldn't have enough time or energy to pay attention to him.

I stared emptily at the pre-game show, waiting anxiously to hear the Rabbit pull up outside, and then the inevitable knock on the door that would follow. Charlie didn't seem to notice my nerves, and I made only limited attempts to reply to his various comments. Finally, we heard it. Two loud knocks on the door. Charlie got up, a grin on his face, and answered the door to Billy and Jacob. I stood up to greet them then, Charlie allowing them in. Then everything changed.

Jacob. His smile. His eyes.  
I belonged to Jacob.


	7. Chapter 7: All Guts and No Aim

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own any characters, places, etc.**

**Author's Note ** I'm sorry it took me a while to get to a sweet scene, but I hope you enjoy this one! I promise there will be more to come! Review kindly :)

I fought the desperate urge to reach out, take Jacob in my arms and hold him forever, never letting him go. The sudden desperation I had to be close to Jacob was almost too much to bear, and I almost lost control. My feelings for Jacob, everything I felt towards him - it still wasn't completely clear. But when he walked through my front door, when he shot me that same Jacob smile, I felt relief rush over my like a cool breeze.  
It didn't matter if I still loved Edward, it didn't matter if I was broken and sad, it didn't matter if I had nightmares.  
Edward was gone. Edward was a memory. My first love. A strong, passionate, heartbreaking love.  
But Jacob was still here. He was still here, taking care of me, loving me. Edward wasn't.  
I couldn't help but let my devotion for Jacob spill out into my consciousness. For all that he'd done for me, there had to be something I could do for him. The smallest, most insignificant thing I could do for him, would be to love him. What else did I have to offer? He could never take Edward's place, I could never love him the same way, but I could certainly try.

Charlie and Billy proceeded to watching the game, while Jacob and I were left to hover by the doorway. He grinned at me.  
"So what are we making tonight?" he asked, smirking at me. I grimaced.  
"_We're_ not making anything, _I'm_ making pasta," I replied, wheeling around and clomping off into the kitchen. I begged him to follow me. As if he'd read my mind, he followed closely and slipped into the kitchen after me. I turned, not realising how close he was behind me, and almost crashed into him.  
"Can I help?" he said in a low, husky voice, leaning down to me. I could feel his breath on me. I felt the nervousness kick in, my hands shaking once again, and I was reminded of our almost kiss.  
"You'll just distract me," I told him, turning my back to him. I busied myself in a cupboard, getting everything out ready for when I would begin cooking.  
"I wish, Bella," he muttered, something I'm sure I wasn't supposed to hear. "Anyway, you don't need to start yet, we've still got ages!"  
"Yes, but I want to have it all ready for me," I replied. This was supposed to be distracting me from Jacob? Jacob was distracting me.  
He didn't respond, allowing me to get everything out, watching me silently. Once everything was done, there was nothing left to do but talk to Jacob.  
"So are you all done?" he asked, a smug smile painted on his face. I sighed.  
"I guess," I replied.  
"Hey kids, what are you doing?" Charlie called out, suddenly. I looked up at Jacob. What were we doing?  
"Just getting the meal ready, dad," I called back out, rolling me eyes silently. Jacob smiled, muffled a laugh.  
"Come and watch the game, it's great!" Charlie called back, and we had no choice but to go into the lounge room, and squeeze onto the other sofa.  
Jacob's side was pressed up against mine, and I wanted him to put his arm around me. But he wouldn't with Charlie sitting right there. Half of me imagined Charlie wouldn't even notice - he was too entranced in his game.  
I couldn't even watch. I was too busy focusing on my breathing, focusing on not looking at Jacob, focusing on not grabbing his hand and pulling him into me, holding him. Finally, it came an appropriate time to begin cooking. I got up, quickly, and began busying myself in the kitchen. Jacob watched after me longingly as I walked from the room, but Billy and Charlie were already interrogating him with questions regarding the game, he had no choice but to stay put and endure without me. I breathed in clearly without Jacob there.  
I was supposed to be fighting for Edward. I was supposed to not give up. But everything that Jacob was, everything I owned him, everything I _wanted _to give him was just too strong. I wanted to be the person to make Jacob smile.

We all sat down to eat, an excruciating meal, more awkward then I could have imagined. I sat beside Jacob, of course, an oh-so-obvious seating plan arranged by Charlie - I had the slighted suspicions that tonight's meal was more than just a friendly family meal but instead a gentle nudge in Jacob's direction for me. Needless to say, it had worked, just not in the way Charlie had imagined. Jacob finished first, almost tying with Charlie, and began picking bits and pieces from my plate, to which I hadn't bothered objecting to. I noticed a stolen glance between Billy and Jacob then;  
"They're making progress," they told one another silently. If they only knew the truth. Jacob seemed oblivious to everything going on around him, I pitied him, but envied him at the same time.

Then the night was late, the meals were finished and the game was over; it was time for them to leave. Charlie and Billy lingered at the front door, still discussing the game, as Jacob dragged me out into the darkened night, to the rear of the Rabbit. He leaned up against it, and smiled at me through the night.  
"Awkward, wasn't it?" he asked, looking away. I nodded, but I didn't think he saw.  
"I'll come round next weekend," I promised, wishing it would be sooner.  
"How about after school tomorrow?" he asked. He grabbed my arms and pulled me the slightest bit closer to him.  
"Maybe not tomorrow," I replied. I didn't want to refuse him, but, I didn't know how to say yes just yet.  
"Please Bella," he whispered, pulling me closer again. I felt my body fall onto his, an accident which I'm sure he prepared. He caught me, his arms around my shoulders, our faces close. "Alright," I said, thanking Jacob secretly that he'd brought me into the dark where he couldn't see me blush. He leant in then, slowly, and kissed me; missing. His lips only caught the corner of mine, and when he realised, he brought them back quickly.  
"Goodnight," I breathed, feeling my heartbeat rushing in my chest, feeling the side of my mouth that he'd touched with his tingle, feeling his warm arms still around me.  
"Goodnight," he whispered.

Jacob sure had guts, I'll give him that.


	8. Chapter 8: Kiss me, Jacob

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own any characters, places, etc.**

**Author's Note** Sorry, another cliff-hanger !! And I know it's short, but I hope you like it anyway! Review kindly? :)

I did the dishes quickly, scrubbing them hard. After Jacob had attempted to kiss me, after we'd whispered our goodnights, I ran back into the house, shoving past Charlie and Billy's confused looks, and back into the kitchen. I tried to finish the dishes before Charlie would come back in, so I could escape to my bedroom before he could ask me what had happened. My face was still red from the embarrassment, my heartbeat was still racing, my lips were still tingling with the memory of Jacob's lips. When I'd finished the dishes, I ran up the staircase, slammed the door behind me and hid my face in my pillow.  
What was Jacob thinking? Kissing me in front of Charlie and Billy! Did Charlie see? Would Charlie ask me about it? I still couldn't contain my embarrassment, even though I was alone now. My mind raced over our half kiss again. First an almost kiss, now a half kiss. Was Jacob ever going to simply kiss me?  
I fell asleep still thinking about it, thinking about his perfect lips, his warm breath.

For the first time since Edward left, I dreamt about somebody else. It had always been either the usual nightmares, or nothing at all. But tonight, I dreamt of Jacob.

When I woke up in the morning, I couldn't remember the details. I felt shaky all day during school, constantly checking the clock, knowing that Jacob was expecting me down at La Push. I was still unsure if I should go, I know I'd promised, but I wasn't sure if it was a good idea to see him again so soon. I realised that even though I was embarrassed, I couldn't imagine how embarrassed Jacob was feeling. He had his chance to kiss me, but he didn't quiet make it. Would he even want me down at La Push now? When the end of the day came around, and I climbed into my truck, I still hadn't made up my mind. I began driving, and before I knew it, I'd been subconsciously making my towards La Push. I guess my decision was made.

When I arrived, Jacob greeted me like any other day, as though last night had never happened. I sat with him for about half an hour in the shed, watching him work on his bike a little more.  
"Bella, about last night…" he began, but I stopped him.  
"What about it?" I asked quickly. I wanted him to talk about it, but at the same time, I didn't. He didn't respond for a long time.  
"I'm sorry," he sighed, and looked away from me. That's not what he was going to say. I could tell. He was just telling me what he though I wanted to hear. I didn't press the matter. "Jake, let's go down to the beach," I said, getting up. He looked up at me, shocked, but didn't object. So we walked silently down towards the rocky beach, finally settling at the old piece of driftwood where we first met.

I wondered if Jacob remembered that night, the night I'd been ridiculously flirtatious in order to gain information about the Cullen's, the night I'd used him to find out about Edward. I felt a bit silly. We sat down there, our backs to the water, his hand still in mine; all warm and lovely. A physical relationship with Jacob wouldn't be too bad. As opposed to a relationship with Edward; we were limited. Edward was cold, and hard, and I could never kiss Edward the way I needed to be kissed. Jacob was warm, soft, human. Everything I needed. Jacob was comforting. There was a silence between us, and he looked at me with his sweet eyes, hurting. He reached out to touch the side of my face with his hot fingertips, and let out a sigh.  
"I know you don't feel the same way, Bella," he said, his eyes were full of acceptance. If that kiss hadn't made a difference, then nothing would. Is that what he was thinking? I felt guilty, and I wished I could change the way I loved him. Would it be so bad if I tried, though? He brought his face closer to mine again, our eyes still locked on one another's, his fingers still searching my face. "I'm sorry, if this is making you feel uncomfortable," he said, then, when I didn't reply to his earlier comment.  
"It's not," I responded, honestly. I could feel my heart beating for all the wrong reasons, all for Jacob, but still, this didn't feel wrong. I'd been here before with Jacob, but now there were no more distractions left. We were completely alone.  
"So this isn't," he hesitated. "Too familiar?"  
"No," I responded. I knew he was talking about Edward, and of course, the experiences were completely different. Moments with Jacob felt like they could last forever. Although with Edward, our kisses would begin and end before I liked, and our moments never lasted. I just wanted Jacob to shut up and kiss me.  
"I wish I could change your feelings for me, Bella," he said, his voice almost a whisper, touching my hair affectionately. I tried to smile.  
"Maybe you can," I whispered. Maybe he really could. I couldn't be completely sure of anything right now, though. I wasn't sure if my feelings for Edward would ever fade, or if they were already beginning to.

_ Kiss me Jacob. Kiss me._


	9. Chapter 9: Telling, Not Asking

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own any characters, places, etc.**

****Author's Note** Blergh, in case you can't tell, I had absolute writer's block throughout this entire chapter. Cliffhanger much? Heh. Sorry, I know, I'm bad with the cliffhangers !! But, I hope you enjoy this one, it might be a little OOC, but, eh. :D  
So, review kindly :)**

"Bella, I know I can't change your mind. I accept that," Jacob replied to me at last, still running his fingers through my hair. I wanted to scream at him, hit him, kiss him! Let him know what was going through my head!  
"Jake…" I began, but he stopped me.  
"Don't try to apologise for it, Bella. I know I can never take his place, I shouldn't even try," he whispered, tilting my head forward to kiss my forehead. I sighed.  
"I'm not trying to apologise," I said, pushing him off me, softly. He looked at me, a little confused, but mostly hurt.  
"Well what are you trying to do, Bella? Are you trying to be my friend? Are you trying to hurt me? I honestly don't understand," he said, and I could tell that if he wasn't so in love with me, he'd be angry. But he just looked at me, his big beautiful eyes wide with waiting, and he looked so innocent.  
I would always be here for him. I belonged to him.  
I wanted to tell him everything that was going through my head. The way I thought about that time we almost kissed, the way I dreamt of him instead of Edward, the way I realised I should be with him. I realised I should be. I should be.

"Jacob, I love you," I whispered, staring up at him. He just held me, not replying, and I knew what was running through his head.  
"I know, Bells," he replied, and I could hear the disappointment draping his voice. He wasn't even trying to hide it. "I love you, too." I knew he meant it. I didn't know what I could say to make him realise, I didn't know how to say it. I needed help; I was way in over my head. I couldn't be like Jacob, I couldn't just rush right in and kiss someone. I couldn't. Jacob already had his arms wrapped around me, we'd just told one another we loved each other, so what else could I do to make him understand? Aside from the obvious.

"Jake…?" I muttered, leaning my head against his chest lovingly. One of his hands reached across my back, pulling me in a little closer.  
"Mmm?" he asked. I closed my eyes, took in a deep breath.  
"I know that you can never be Edward," I began, already feeling a stabbing pain at saying Edward's name out loud.  
"Mmm…" he went on, as though he'd heard this a million times already. But I'm sure he expected it to end the same way as always.  
"And, I know you said you shouldn't try, but," I hesitated. My hand crept up to his face, lingering on his cheek gently, and he pulled me away to look at me. I looked confused.  
"But?" he sounded bored with the conversation, and I suppose he would be, after hearing it so many times.  
"But I don't want you to be Edward, I just want you to be Jacob," I said, slowly moving my fingers across his face, my hand shaking as I could feel his warm skin against the cold. He almost scoffed, but contained himself.  
"Yeah, I know Bella," he said, and I suddenly felt myself get angry. He could be so angry sometimes! I shook my head.  
"No, you don't know, Jacob!" I exclaimed, pushing his arms off me. He looked a little taken aback, certainly not expecting me to get angry at him.  
"Huh?" was his only response, and I couldn't blame him for losing his articulacy here. I felt bad. How could he know? How could he understand anything that was going on in my head? I couldn't even understand it!

"I'm sorry Jake, I know I'm not making any sense," I said, turning away from him. I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes again - God, why did I always have to go ahead and cry? "Don't cry, Bella," he said, looking absolutely helpless, sitting there staring at me. I buried my head in his chest again, and he pulled me in once more, holding me close. I breathed in his scent, and closed my eyes, trying to stop the crying.  
"I know you don't understand, and I don't even really understand it! But, Edward's gone!" I spluttered, realising that must have meant no sense to Jacob at all. He didn't respond, he just held me, misunderstanding me completely. I had to keep going, or else he'd never understand what I want to tell him. "Edward's gone… but, you're still here," I whimpered, not looking up at him.

I wish I could have seen his expression, to know what he was thinking, as he didn't reply right away.  
"I'll always be here," he said, saying it as though he was hurt that I didn't already know that. There was so much I wanted to say, so much that I should be saying. But I just couldn't.  
"I need you, Jacob," my voice was a croaked whisper, and it must have sounded anything but seductive.  
"It's okay, Bells," his voice was soothing, comforting, and he held me there for a moment. He still didn't get it. He still didn't hear me. I felt like I was screaming at him, so obviously, and he was tuning out everything I was saying! Maybe need wasn't the right word. I pulled myself up from his chest, looked up at him earnestly, hoping desperately that this time he would understand. I thought briefly about kissing him, but I knew I didn't have the nerve for that.

"No, Jacob, I," I hesitated, knowing that he was waiting, knowing I had to say something, knowing I couldn't keep doing this to him, and to myself. "I want you."  
The words slipped out of my mouth easier than I'd expected, and it suddenly made sense to me. He didn't understand because I never made him understand. He never knew what I was feeling inside, when everything was revolving around Edward. How could he see past that? How could he have known.  
With those words, he kissed me instantly, so quickly I hardly even noticed him coming towards me. He pressed his soft, warm lips against mind for a second, waiting for a reaction from mine. I allowed him in, and I kissed him back with everything I had inside of me, every emotion I had for Jacob. Something told me that this was right. This was how it was supposed to be. His hands reached across my back again, and pushed my body forward into his so hard that it hurt. I had to break away to breathe; though his lips still lingered close to mine, parted only the slightest bit, and we both breathed in deeply from one another. I had never had a kiss like that before, so passionate, so full of life. He breathed my name, and rested his forehead against mine, our eyes still closed, taking in the moment. We remained silent, until he spoke, still with our lips so close, I felt his breath, I felt his words.

"I want you to be more than just my friend, Bella," he said between the lingering last moments of our first kiss. He pecked me a few times, affectionately, his lips never really leaving. I kept my eyes closed, with no idea how to answer his demand.  
He wasn't asking. He was telling - and that was a complete different story.


	10. Chapter 10: Belonging to Jacob Black

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own any characters, places, etc.**

****Author's Note** First of all, I want to say thank you to everyone who's supporting this fic - again! I'm glad you're all enjoying it, and I've had great feedback! So, I hope you all enjoy this chapter as well, and I promise to get another chapter up soon. :)  
Review kindly? :)**

_"I want you to be more than just my friend, Bella," he said between our the lingering last moments of our first kiss. He pecked me a few times, affectionately, his lips never really leaving. I kept my eyes closed, with no idea how to answer his demand.  
He wasn't asking. He was telling - and that was a complete different story. _

I couldn't keep my thoughts straight. There were too many options for me to decide on, too many outcomes where somebody would get hurt. If I decided I wasn't ready, I'd be hurting Jacob. If I decided I was still in love with Edward, I'd be hurting the both of us. Though, if I decided that being with Jacob would be the best option, who would be getting hurt? I pressed my lips up to him again, kissing him completely once more, to stall him. I realised with agony then, that Jacob would be taking that as my answer.  
I was now Jacob Black's girlfriend.  
I'd made that decision myself, and there was no way to back now. Though I wasn't sure I wanted to.

When we broke away to breathe, he reached out to touch my hair, and then slid his hands down my face, looking at me, as though he were examining something he'd just purchased. He then held me, and I pressed my hand against his chest, feeling his quickened heartbeat. Our hearts belonged to one another now. I couldn't help but smile.

When we made it back to Jacob's house, it was already getting dark.  
"I guess I should be heading home, Charlie will be wondering where I am," I said as we walked up towards my truck. Jacob pushed me lightly against it, and put his arm over my body to hold me there. Without a word, he kissed me hotly on the mouth, while his other hand wandered down to my waist. I felt a little useless standing there with my hands by my side, so ever so slowly, I reached up and put my arms around him, my hands reaching up across his back. At last he broke away.  
"I'll call you," he promised, looking at me with content. Could he be any more cheesy?  
"Well, did you want to come down to Forks tomorrow, after school?" I asked, feeling stupid. Any minute I expected him to burst into laughter, push himself away from me and tell me it was all a joke. He grinned at me mischievously.  
"I'd love to," he said, kissing me on the cheek and backing up away from me, letting me climb into the truck. With huge embarrassment, I looked over and noticed Billy watching us from the window. He waved over at us, and I waved back half-heartedly. I prayed that he hadn't seen anything, hoping desperately that if he had, he wouldn't tell Charlie.

When I got home, Charlie was watching television, and looked up when he noticed me come in.  
"Where have you been?" he asked, sounding more curious than angry. It wasn't late enough for him to be angry, and these days, he was happy to get me out of the house, hoping I was getting over Edward.  
"I was down in La Push, Dad," I replied. I gave him every detail (aside from the kiss Jacob and I shared) and he nodded in contentment, happy that I was safe.  
After dinner, I went upstairs to check my email. I read through the series of emails Renee had sent me, and guiltily, I replied quickly, giving her a quick account of my life at the moment. She must have been so worried about me. I wandered back downstairs to tell Charlie that I was going to bed, when I stopped at the foot of the stairs, hearing his voice from the kitchen.  
"Is that right?" he said, amused. He must have been on the phone.  
"Oh, oh alright then, I'll see you tomorrow Billy," he let out a laugh. I heard him hang up. I felt myself go hot, had they been talking about Jacob and I? Had Jacob told Billy everything that had happened? Did Charlie know Jacob was coming here tomorrow afternoon?  
He walked out into the lounge room, and saw me standing there. I tried to act casual.  
"Oh, hey Bella, what are you up to?" he asked, leaning against the couch unnaturally. I was trying to hide a smile.  
"I was just going to go to bed," I replied. He must have been trying to leech the information out of me, well, two could play at that game.  
"I'm going to be at work late tomorrow, so feel free to make later plans," he commented, watching me for any bluffs. I shrugged. What a liar, I knew he was going to Billy's!  
"I'll just hang out here," I said. It was the truth. I just wouldn't be alone.  
"Well, no boys over while I'm gone," he joked, probably expecting me to object and beg for permission to have Jacob over. But I knew he wasn't serious, anyway.  
"Got it," I replied, turning my back to head up the stairs,  
"Goodnight Dad,"  
"Goodnight Bells," he called back, sounding obviously disappointed.

Before I reached the top of the stairs, I heard the phone ring again.  
"Bella, it's for you," Charlie called. I ran back downstairs, grabbing the phone of him. He smiled at me smugly.  
"Hello?" I asked, curious. Charlie was still watching me, and I glared at him.  
"Hey honey," came Jacob's voice.  
"Hi Jake," I replied, trying not to let it bother me that Charlie was still in the room.  
"So do you still want me to come round tomorrow?" he asked. I tried not to look at Charlie.  
"Definitely," I responded.  
"Great, so what are you doing?" he asked. He seemed thrilled at my enthusiasm. Damnit Charlie, leave me alone!  
"I was just about to go bed, actually," I said, feeling bad. I wasn't trying to get rid of him.  
"Okay. Have a good sleep, Bells, and I'll see you tomorrow. I miss you," he said, and I could hear the longing in his soft voice. I wondered if Billy was eavesdropping as obvious as Charlie was.  
"Me too," I whispered back, and we hung up. I went to bed without giving Charlie an explanation as to why Jacob was calling so late.

For the second time in a row, I dreamt of Jacob instead of Edward.


	11. Chapter 11: Jacob's Sexy Voice

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own any characters, places, etc.**

** Author's Note ** Ooooooh Bella think's Jacob is sexy ;) hahaha! Enjoy the chapter! Review kindly? :)

After school I drove right home, a little anxious that Jacob would beat me home. Though I felt relief rush over me as I pulled up outside my house, no familiar cars parked anywhere near my house. I rushed inside so I wouldn't run into Jacob out on the sidewalk. I waited for about ten minutes, not keeping my distance from the front door at all. I was actually excited to see Jacob again, and as corny as it sounded, I was happy to be his girlfriend.  
I heard the familiar sound of the Rabbit pull up then, and I contained the urge to open the door to run out and greet him. He knocked on the door, and I waited the mandatory five seconds before opening the door, unable to stop myself from smiling. I lost control and threw my arms around him, pulling myself in closer to him.  
"Whoa, only a little eager to see me?" he asked, and when I looked up he had a smug smile on his face. I scoffed.  
"Shut up," I responded, and he allowed himself in. He instantly fell onto the couch, making himself at home, and patted the available seat beside him. How dare Jacob offer me a seat in my own house? Geez this boy was cocky. I took the seat, and instantly he put one arm around me while his other long arm found the remote and switched on the television.

"So, shouldn't we be doing this boring stuff while Charlie is actually here?" Jacob asked, glancing down at me. I felt myself go red. What was he implying?  
"I don't know what you mean," I said, looking away. His hand on my shoulder gripped a little tighter, and he let out a chuckle.  
"I think you know," he leant down and whispered in my ear, a slow seductive whisper I'd never heard from Jacob - he almost sounded like Edward. I shivered, but I wasn't sure if it was from the fact that Jacob was reminding me of Edward, or if it was because of how sexy Jacob sounded. Urgh, did I honestly just think that?  
"No, why don't you show me?" I asked, and instantly I felt stupid for vainly attempting to flirt with my new boyfriend. I tried to keep my voice sultry, I was sure I wouldn't be able to fool him. But, Jacob being Jacob, leaned in extremely close, grazing his teeth against my ear as he spoke.  
"Why don't _you_ show _me_?" he said in that same whisper, sending another warm shiver up my spine. He moved away so he could look at me, smirking in a way I think was supposed to be sexy. Argh, why did I keep thinking of Jacob as sexy!?

I swallowed hard and figured I'd have to take this plunge with Jacob sooner or later. If I was going to be Jacob's girlfriend, I think kissing him is obligatory. I couldn't avoid being the one to kiss him forever. He half climbed over me, holding his weight against the couch, leaning over me, and I wrapped my arms around his neck. I hesitated, closed my eyes, and then did it. I had kissed Jacob. And I was loving every minute of it. I still wasn't completely sure what was going on in my head. I didn't know if I was over Edward, I didn't know if I ever would be. And I still wasn't sure if I could really fall in love with Jacob, in a way that was even close to the way I had felt about Edward. But I did know that I was happy, and that Jacob was happy, and that's all that really mattered.

Jacob finally gave me a break and allowed me to go back to watching television, so I decided to snuggle up against him, my feet up on the couch and my head on his chest. I listened to his heartbeat, not really watching the show in front of us, it quickened and softened every time I moved slightly closer. I must have got lost inside my own thoughts then, because they minutes seemed to speed past, and I was brought back into consciousness by Jacob's voice.  
"Honey?" his voice was a little muffled, so I opened my eyes. "Honey are you awake?"  
"I'm awake," I mumbled, and realised then that I must have fallen asleep. I heard him laugh, but I couldn't really see much. It was very dark, and I instantly wondered what time it was.  
"It's okay, I fell asleep too," he whispered, leaning down to me, kissing me gently on the forehead.  
"So sleeping beauty is finally up?" I heard Charlie's voice then, but he didn't sound angry. I sat up slowly, blinking rapidly to get my eyes to focus in the dark.  
"Dad?" I asked, feeling myself instantly grow hot. I pushed myself off Jacob as much as I could, but he just threw his arm around me, protectively, again anyway. I shot him an apologetic look, but I don't know if he got it. Charlie walked around the couch to see us then, grinning madly.  
"I can't believe she didn't wake up from the phone," Jacob said, seemingly ignoring me, speaking to Charlie as though what had just happened was nothing out of the ordinary.  
"I know, she's a log. But speaking of the phone, that was Billy, he wanted me to ask you to come home soon," Charlie responded. He was smiling at me smugly now.  
"I should probably head off then," Jacob let out a disappointed sigh, took back his arm and stood up. He grabbed my hand lightly to pull me up. "I'll call you?"  
"Sure," I responded, feeling uncomfortable with Charlie standing there. But I'm fairly sure Jacob understood, since he bid his goodbyes to Charlie and dragged me out the front door, closing it softly behind him.

We lingered on my porch for a moment, before Jacob finally spoke.  
"I'll call you tonight, okay honey," he told me, pulling me in for a hug. I felt guilty, I'd ruined our date by falling asleep. I wasn't even really spending time with Jacob! I was escaping into unconsciousness!  
"Okay," was all I could really say between our hug. He kissed me gently on the lips. Every time he kissed me felt like that first time, my lips tingled and my heartbeat quickened. Did he feel like that?  
"Goodnight Bella," he used his sexy voice again. He must be reading my mind to know what effect that had on me. No, I did NOT just say Jacob was sexy, _again_.  
"Goodnight," I tried to say, but I don't think he came. He kissed me again, sweetly, warmly, and before I had a chance to stop him, he was already walking back down towards the Rabbit. He looked back to me, smiled, and I waved. He got into his car, and went home.

I didn't really want to go back inside, Charlie would be waiting for me, full of questions. I watched Jacob's car drive away for as long as I could, until finally I had to go inside. Charlie was waiting for me, sitting on the couch, he looked up as soon as I opened the door. I decided not to put it off any longer, so I went into the lounge room to face him.  
"So you and Jacob?" he asked, grinning slyly as though he and Billy had been the ones to instigate it all. If only he knew what had really happened down at the beach. Though with a shiver, I realised it was probably better he thought it happened his way.  
"Yeah, so?" I replied, shrugging. I tried not to let myself blush, but I could feel it already.  
"How long has this been going on?" he asked, as if he didn't know. I shrugged again.  
"Just yesterday, I suppose," I replied. He made an impressed noise, and nodded.  
"Who asked who?"  
"He did." Well, no, he didn't. He just told.  
"Well, I'm happy for you kids. Jacob's a good kid, and if he gives you any trouble, let me know," Charlie added seriously, but I couldn't help but roll my eyes. I think the only trouble Jacob was going to give me was that stupid sexy voice of his!


	12. Chapter 12: I Think I'm Falling In Love

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own any places, characters, etc.**

**Author's Note** Mehhhhh I had total writers block, so I'm sorry if this chapter isn't too fab. I hope you'll like it anyway though, I really wanted to write more, but hmmm. I'm anxious to write some more sexeh scenes haha.. Review kindly :)

The week seemed to pass quicker than usual. I wasn't sure if it was the fact that my nightmares had grown less frequent, only appearing once during the week, or if it was the fact that I was looking forward to the weekend for reasons other than burying myself in homework.  
I woke up extremely early on Saturday morning, probably because Jacob was supposed to be coming over, and I really couldn't contain my excitement. The week Jacob and I spent together has been the happiest I've been in months, and thinking in all honestly, I'm sure I was really beginning to fall for Jacob.  
He was always there when I needed him, he was always just a phone call away, and he never pulled away when I needed to be close to him. Jacob was a far healthier choice than Edward. Not that Jacob had really given me much of a choice after our first kiss.  
Charlie had been hesitant to go fishing at first, probably a little worried to leave me and Jacob alone in the house all day without parental supervision. What did Charlie think of me? But, I suppose, he was probably more worried about Jacob. But it didn't take much convincing to get him out of the house so that Jacob and I could have some space; as opposed to almost every afternoon when we would be interrupted by either Charlie at my house, or Billy at Jacob's. The only place we had was the beach, which wasn't exactly the cosiest getting-to-know-each-other destination when it was pouring down rain.

Jacob came by early, letting himself in again, but instead of sitting on the couch, hovered by the doorway.  
"So, what do you want to do?" I asked, watching him.  
"Can I see your room?" he asked, trying to smile, or smirk, or whatever that face was. It was a bit confusing. Was he trying to be sexy again?  
"Do you have to?" I asked. I could only imagine what Charlie would say if he knew. Jacob let out a laugh, and moved forward to half hug me.  
"You've been in my room, it's only fair that I see yours," he whispered, and there was that voice again. Damn Jacob. Damn him and his voice.  
"Okay," I squeaked, and he grinned with victory as I led him up the stairs, and finally to the outside of my room.

I opened the door slowly, but put my arm up across the frame so he couldn't walk in.  
"There, you've seen it, now let's do something else," I said. It wasn't that I didn't want Jacob in my room, it was just that I couldn't imagine anyone else sitting at the edge of my bed but Edward, I couldn't really imagine anyone else lying there with me until I fell asleep. I wasn't sure if I was ready for Jacob to replace one of my final lingering memories of Edward. He leant in, kissed the side of my face.  
"Please," he purred. He must have seen the expression on my face, since he raised his eyebrows as if to say:  
_Oh, so that's all it takes?  
_I dropped my arm and let him through, and he sat down on the edge of my bed instantly. There goes that memory of Edward.  
I sat down beside him, sighing softly as I did.  
"Bella, no matter what happens, I'll always be here for you," Jacob said, his voice going serious all of a sudden. He took my hands and held them within his own, looking at me intently.  
"I don't expect you to, Jake. If you find some other girl, some girl who isn't heartbroken, some girl who loves you more than I do, I'll understand," I whispered. Though I wasn't sure just how truthful I was being. If Jacob found another girl, I don't know what I'd do. I don't know how I'd cope. I loved him.  
"Don't ever say that," he said, his voice was full of anger and he grabbed my shoulders.  
"I love you, and I'll only ever love you!"  
"Thank you," I think I said, though I was crying now, so it may not have gotten through. I felt gratitude and guilt all mixed into one.  
"Oh, don't cry honey," he said softly, all the anger was gone. He kissed me, gently on no more than my lips, and held my close to him.  
"I'm sorry," I said quietly to his chest, as he ran his fingers through my hair. "You never have to apologise with me, Bella," he replied, and he pulled me down so we were lying together on my bed. He put his arms completely around me as I curled up into a ball, my hands up against his chest. His heartbeat was quickening.

I felt myself tilting my head up to kiss him, quickly on the lips, but he turned it into a long, slow kiss, and in one not-so-graceful movement, he was on top of me. I reached up to feel his face, his smooth warm skin beneath my fingers, running my fingers down his neck and out across his shoulders, and finally leaving my hands up across his back. His left hand was on my waist while his right was holding the side of my head gently as he kissed me. I could feel his left hand wandering up across my stomach beneath my blouse, and I stopped kissing him.  
"Jake…" I breathed, but he just kissed my cheek and let his lips find my neck, and oh - how does he know how to do that!?  
"Oh, Jake, oh, stop!"  
"Too fast?" he asked, bringing his face back above mine, looking a little scared. I could feel my own heartbeat pounding, so loud I was sure he could hear it. We were both breathing heavily.  
"Yeah," I replied. He leaned in towards my ear.  
"I'm sorry," he whispered, his lips brushing my ear and running down my neck again. It was hard to find the words to stop him again.  
"Jacob, Jacob!" I squealed, pushing him off me before he got carried away again. He fell so that he was lying on his back beside me, and he stole a glance to check if I was mad.  
"I'm sorry, I just, I want all of you, Bella," he said. Was he worried that I would give up on him? Was he worried I'd go back to the way I was before, was he worried that I was remembering Edward? He looked a little embarrassed, and I could see why Charlie hadn't wanted us here alone.  
"It's okay. You will one day, Jacob," I promised him, and I'm sure that in the future, I would be ready. I turned to my side and curled up against him again, sprawling my hand out across his chest, and closed my eyes.

I think I'm in love with Jacob.


	13. Chapter 13: You Know You Love Me

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own any characters, places, etc.**

**Author's Note** OKAYYY !! I hope you like this chapter !! And, due to popular demand (one person who reviewed, hahaha I'm so popular ;) LOL) I've finally decided to write a Jacob POV, which fits perfectly into my story... so next chapter, I promise! :D  
So I hope you all like it!! Review kindly! :)

A few wonderful weeks passed while I was with Jacob, our father's had decided to leave us alone (for the most part) and we were on school holidays. Which meant I could spend more time with Jacob rather than at school, being constantly hounded by Mike and then feeling guilty at his eventual disappointment when I would tell him everything between me and Jacob was fine, and we weren't breaking up any time in the near future. Everything was fine with me and Jacob.  
I never really noticed before, but being with Jacob made me feel so alive. Everything seemed brighter. There was no holding back with Jacob, I could kiss him and not be pushed away, I could hold him and not feel cold, I could have him touch me, kiss me, love me without the constant wondering if he would crush me. Jacob was gentle with me, treated me like I was a porcelain doll right out of the box.

Today I went down to his place and sat around in his garage while he tinkered with his bike. He hadn't let me back on mine yet, but, I suppose I didn't really need to ride it anymore. I didn't long to hear Edward's voice in my head. I didn't _want_ to hear Edward's voice in my head. I was happy now. Nothing would ruin that.  
"So, maybe we could head down to Port Angeles sometime, catch a movie?" Jacob asked, sitting up and wiping the grease from his face with a rag. I shrugged.  
"Sounds good, is there anything new playing?" I asked. He shrugged, too.  
"How should I know?" he replied, and smiled. He let out a long yawn. "Man, I'm tired."  
"You shouldn't have stayed up all last night talking to me on the phone, then," I laughed. I felt myself yawn then, I was pretty tired myself.  
"Well, if Charlie let you stay over, we wouldn't have to talk on the phone," he grinned. I felt myself blush. Lately Jacob had been pressing the matter of staying over. Not to do anything like _that_, he just liked the idea of actually sleeping together and waking up beside each other. To be honest, I wasn't really sure how I felt about it. Charlie had said no instantly, thank God for fathers sometimes.  
"Oh well," I responded, looking away. Jacob got up then, pulled me up from the seat and hugged me.  
"Oooh Bella, you're so cute," he laughed as I squirmed to try and get his dirty arms away from me.  
"Jacob! You're all gross!" I complained when he wouldn't let me go. I hated it when he spoke to me like that, too.  
"Come on honey, you love me," he grinned, kissing my cheek instead as I moved my face away.  
"Yeah, yeah, I do," I laughed, finally giving in. He stopped, looking at me seriously. Oh, what had I just said? I thought for a moment, wondering how to word it. But really, it was as simple as:

"I love you," I said quietly, looking up into his eyes. I couldn't tell from his expression if he was happy or angry, or sad, he just looked at me for a moment.  
"Really?" he breathed, my hands on his chest could feel his heartbeat jump. He waited.  
"Yes, yes, I love you Jacob Black," I whispered, burying my head in his chest and reaching my arms around him, across his back. I felt his grip tighten around me. I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes again. I never imagined I would say those words to anybody ever again, let alone mean them. But here I was, telling my best friend in the whole world that I loved him, and I really meant it. He didn't let me go for a long time, but when he did, he attempted to wipe away my tears with his clumsy fingertips, smiling serenely at me.  
"I love you, Bella. I love you so much," he held me again, whispering in my ear. I wondered if it was possible, but did Jacob love me more than Edward? Did I love Jacob more than I loved Edward? I didn't really know the answers to those questions, but I decided I didn't care. From that moment on, Edward was nothing more than a memory, and I would never hurt Jacob with my past feelings for Edward again.

When it was time to go, Jacob walked me out to the truck. Just like the first day we'd kissed, he pushed my up against the truck and kissed me hotly, but unlike the first time, I instantly wrapped my arms up around his neck to pull him in closer. I just loved it when Jacob kissed me. The way he kissed was so wild and free, he never held back, he kissed me like he was kissing me for the first time - or the last time. It almost had a sense of urgency to it.  
I couldn't blame Jacob for still feeling a little uneasy. It had only been a few weeks since I'd agreed to give him a chance, and I had only just told him that I was in love with him. He couldn't guarantee that at any time I could break and turn back into the old Bella, forgetting Jacob and being all heartbroken over Edward. I wasn't sure how to comfort him just yet, but I'm sure he'll realise sooner or later that he's the only person for me.  
I climbed up into the truck, and tried to start the engine.  
Nothing. I tried again, and still nothing. At least I was breaking down at a mechanic's house, instead of in the middle of nowhere. Jacob noticed the trouble I was having, pulled up inside the cab and I slid aside for him. He tried starting the engine, but he had no luck.  
"If you want, I'll work on it tonight, try to get it running for you? I can give you a lift home?" he asked. He had been dying to give me a lift home for the last week, offering to pick me up and take me home. Though I knew that this was a ploy, and he was really trying to wriggle his way into getting an invite indoors, and then somehow managing to talk Charlie into letting him stay over. Jacob was just sneaky.  
"Fine," I surrendered, noticing I didn't exactly have many other options. Aside from staying at Jacob's place.

We pulled up outside, Charlie was already home. Jacob leaned over and kissed me goodbye.  
"I'll see you tomorrow, Bells," he said, pushing my hair from my face to behind my ears. He smiled at me.  
"Bye Jake," I replied, leaning over to kiss his cheek. "I love you," I added in a whisper, lingering by his ear.  
"I love you too, honey," he whispered, pulling me in for another kiss, and eventually letting me get out of the car. He waved, before taking off down the road.

I walked inside, Charlie was waiting for me.  
"Bella, I think we need to have a talk," he said, his voice was uncomfortable, and he looked a little pale. Oh God. The sex talk.  
"Dad, me and mum have already had this talk," I groaned, rolling my eyes.  
"I know, I know. But, Bella, Jacob is a teenage boy, and sometimes teenage boys can be -"  
"Stop, Dad! Please, I honestly don't need to hear this," I stopped him, and I'm fairly sure he was thankful he didn't have to go any further with that sentence.  
"I know, but please Bella, if you're going to do anything with Jacob, just, be safe, and don't let him bully you into doing anything you don't want to do," he said, smiling weakly at me. I nodded.  
"I promise, Dad," I said, smiling back. It helped that I was like Charlie when it came to things like this; we understood each other completely.


	14. Chapter 14: Jacob

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own any characters, places, etc.**

**Author's Note** Ahhh it's finally here, the long awaited JACOB POV !! Yipee. Hahaha. I was a bit scared with writing this to be honest, since I'm not too confident writing from his point of view (since he's just so wonderful, I wouldn't want to ruin him for everyone hehe), though the POV did fit in really well with the story line.  
So I hope you all like my attempt at Jacob POV, and enjoy the chapter... (PS: If the story does get a bit.. drama-esque, please don't stop reading, I promise it'll get good again hehe)  
Review kindly? :)

I couldn't really keep my eyes on the road. I was too busy thinking about that kiss; man, she was amazing. The way Bella kissed me made me feel like she really did love me. At times like this, I'd almost forgotten that she had been in love with Edward, that she'd kissed him like that, that she'd probably done more. I didn't really care, though. I just wanted her to be happy, and if she was happy with me, well then, that was a plus in my books.  
We'd only been together a few weeks now, I was sort of scared I was rushing things earlier. I mean, who frenches on their first date? It wasn't even a date. I felt kinda bad about that, actually. I hadn't taken Bella on a proper date, I'd been cheap and just let her hang out with me at La Push or at her place. To be completely honest, I didn't want to share her with the public. I just wanted to be with her, and only her, all the time. I was in constant fear that she would turn on me, back into the old Bella, but after today I was pretty much convinced that she wouldn't. She seemed, well, normal.

The thought of her kissing me came rushing to my head again, the smell of her skin, the feel of her hair - I just wanted to turn around and go back to her, and never leave again. But she'd be angry if I did. And so would Charlie. I think he was getting a bit sick of me hanging around the house and staying for dinner. I couldn't blame him, I hung around Bella like a bad smell, and I wasn't exactly discreet with her. Just imagining her, oh -

I know that car. I squinted at the car in the distance, and I was fairly sure it belonged to someone who didn't belong here! I watched it draw closer, becoming more certain every second that the car coming towards me belonged to him. Without thinking, I swerved hard in front of the car, cutting it off. I cut the engine, and I saw him get out.  
"Hello Jacob," came that familiar voice, and his cold eyes pierced me.  
"Edward," I growled, getting out, folding my arms.  
"I don't blame you for doing that," he called out, his voice was soft and quiet. I just wanted to hit him.  
"What the hell are you doing here?" I yelled, closing the car door and striding towards him. He didn't move, but kept his eyes on me.  
"I'm here for Bella," he murmured. He didn't seem bothered by me at all. I curled my hands up into fists, just wanting to - "If you're thinking about hitting me, don't bother. I feel bad enough already."  
"I don't care how bad you feel," I yelled, still moving slowly towards him. He'd better choose his next words carefully.  
"I'm still in love with her," he said. I growled again, not really knowing how to reply. She was mine, now.  
"She's not in love with you anymore," I said through clenched teeth.  
"Are you two together?" he asked. I wanted to spit on him, but I figured it wasn't worth it.  
"Yes," I said, looking at him smugly. Well, at least, I figured I would have looked smug, if not scared. Edward had the ability to ruin everything I'd fought for, ruin everything Bella had fought for. I couldn't let him do that to Bella, or to me.  
"If you don't want me to see her, I will understand," he said calmly. Ha. Understand? Edward will never understand what he did to Bella. He'll never have to see that broken look Bella gave me every single day of her life, he'll never have to hear her cry, he'll never have to comfort her because of what he's done. I saw Edward wince, probably waiting for my response.  
"I don't want you to see her," I said, trying not to yell again. He let out a sigh.  
"Alright. But will you tell her that if she wants to see me, I'll be staying at my old place," he said, and without waiting for a reply, he got back into his car and sped off in the opposite direction. Fat chance I'll be telling her that.

I got back into my car, but I didn't drive off right away. Edward being back was a serious problem, especially since he was wanting Bella back. Bella told me she loved me, but if she saw him again, would that change everything? I don't think I could handle losing her, not now, not after everything I've gone through with her. I thought for a moment about telling her. Would it change things? Would she respect me enough not to see him? But I remembered how desperate she was to get on those bikes and do something stupid, and I couldn't having her get that way again. I needed her to be safe, no matter what. Should I let her go?

No. I'll never let her go back to him. He doesn't deserve her, he's never deserved her. If she could love him after he did that to her, then, I don't know what to think. This was all so confusing.

I should go back to her. Right now. Kiss her, hold her, take her away from here, away from Edward. If I asked her to leave town with me, would she? Did she love me enough to do something like that?

I turned the car around and raced back to Bella's place. It was definitely worth a try. I got out and almost ran to the front door, knocking on it quickly. I think I was going to be sick. Suddenly the door opened.  
"Jacob? What are you -?" Charlie looked at me, confused, but I just shook my head. I was feeling light-headed now. Oh God, what was I doing?  
"I need to talk to Bella," I said, feeling my breath go shallow. He must have noticed I was acting strange, he looked a little frightened.  
"Are you alright there, son?" he asked, reaching a hand forward, against my forehead. "You're burning up,"  
"Please, I need Bella," I said, pushing him lightly off me. Charlie nodded, and soon enough Bella was at the door.  
"Jacob, what's wrong?" she asked, pulling me into a hug and letting me inside. Charlie gave us our space; maybe he thought I was breaking up with her? I didn't really care. I really think I'm going to vomit.  
"I just, Bella," I didn't know what to say. I was going to ask her to leave with me, I was going to ask her to marry me, I was going to tell her about Edward, I didn't know what I was going to do. Nothing was right. Nothing.  
"Jake," she sat beside me and put a hand on my cheek, forcing me to look at her. She looked at me with concern, and I hated to make her worry.  
"Bella, you know that I love you," I whispered, taking her face in my hands. Her presence calmed me, but the feeling I got when I thought about Edward kissing her, it just made me sick.  
"And I love you, too," she said quietly, looking at me with worry. She looked like she might cry.  
"I'm not breaking up with you," I said, just to be reassuring. She threw her arms around me again, and I pulled her in close.  
"Oh, good," she sighed, and kissed my lips. Oh her lips. They were so perfect. If Charlie wasn't in the next room, I think I might have just ripped off her cloths right there and had her. Though she would probably kill me just for thinking that.  
"There, there's something I want to ask you," I said, looking into her eyes.

What the hell was wrong with me?

I. Am. Screwed.


	15. Chapter 15: Uncertainty

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own any characters, places, etc.**

**Author's Note** Yepp, we're back to Bella POV, but I promise there will be more Jacob POVs to come!! I hope you're all enjoying the fic. Review kindly :)

BELLA

_"Bella, Jacob is at the door, he doesn't look too good," Charlie said, standing beside my door. I got up from my ancient computer, Renee's email could wait. Why was Jacob back so soon? He only just dropped me off. I hurried downstairs and saw him standing in the doorway.  
"Jacob, what's wrong?" I asked, pulling him into my arms and holding him for a moment. He didn't respond, so I helped him down onto the couch.  
"I just, Bella," he spluttered, not making any sense. I noticed Charlie hovering in the kitchen, though he didn't pry. He hesitated.  
"Jake," I whispered, placing a hand on his cheek and forcing him to look at me. What was wrong with him? I was beginning to really get worried.  
"Bella, you know that I love you," he whispered, looking at me sadly.  
"And I love you, too," I replied. I could feel tears welling up in my eyes, but I held them back as much as I could.  
"I'm not breaking up with you," he said when he must have realised how terrible this all sounded. I pulled myself into his arms and he held me, I leant my head against his chest. If he was breaking up with me, what was he doing? Was it something worse?  
"Oh good," I sighed, and I looked up at him. I kissed him softly on the lips.  
"There, there's something I want to ask you," he said quietly, looking at me intently. Oh no._

"What is it?" I gulped, feeling the fear rush over me. I wanted to kiss him again, to stop him, to beg him to just go back to the way we were today. What could have changed so quickly? He just looked at me, a guilty look on his face, and he looked sick.  
"Do you love me the way you loved Edward?" he asked. Loved Edward. Nice phrasing.  
"No, I don't," I whispered. He let out a long sigh, and relaxed back into the couch, his hands over his face. I think I heard him swear, but I couldn't be sure. "Jacob, I love you more than I loved Edward. I love you so much," I croaked, tears rolling down my cheek. He looked up at me.  
"Really?" he asked, and he seemed a little breathless.  
"I do, Jacob. I need you," I said, pulling my whole body onto his and running my hands up his chest, pulling him closer to me, kissing him softly. I needed to make him understand that Edward was in the past. What had made him so uncertain in such a small amount of time.  
"I need you too, honey," he whispered through our kiss, running his hands down my back. "You don't even know the half of it."

"Jake… what happened?" I asked, and he looked down. I put my hands up across his face, making him look at me.  
"Bella…"  
"No, please, what's wrong?" I asked, almost pleading. I could feel the tears coming again, why couldn't he tell me what was going on in his head. He sighed, and just kissed me again.  
"I'm sorry Bella, it's nothing, really. I just, I don't know, I'm an idiot," he said, and smiled weakly at me.  
"Are you sure?" I asked. He wasn't convincing me.  
"Yes, I'm fine," he said, pushing me lightly back down onto the couch beside him. He got up and leant down to kiss me on the forehead.  
"Jake?"  
"I'll call you later, okay honey?" he said, and began walking towards the door. What?! That was it? He was just going to freak me out like that and then leave? That's crazy.

I got up and grabbed his arm, pulling him back.  
"Don't go, Jake," I begged, and he looked at me, he looked like he was hurting.  
"If you want me to stay, I'll stay," he said quietly, glancing over to the kitchen. I know what he was asking. Charlie would never let him.  
"Charlie will never agree to it," I whispered. He nodded.  
"I know," he sighed. He looked so pathetic, I didn't know what to do.  
"I'll go with you, then," I said.  
"Bella, you don't -"  
"I'm going with you," I urged, holding his hands tightly. He shrugged. Why has he gone so cold on me?  
"Alright, but what about Charlie?" he asked. Of course. Charlie.  
"I'll just tell him we're going to the movies or something, and then I'll call him and tell him I have no way of getting home from your place," I said, thinking. Jacob kissed my forehead again, holding me.  
"I'm sorry to do this to you, Bella. I don't know what's gotten into me," he whispered in my ear, but he still didn't sound like his usual self. Something spooked Jacob bad, and I would find out what it was sooner or later.

After telling Charlie we were going to the movies, Jacob drove me down to the beach where we went and sat on our piece of drift-wood. Jacob seemed a lot less jittery being outdoors. We didn't speak much, I just let Jacob hold me close to him and run his fingers through my hair. I wondered what he was thinking. I wish I could make it all better for him.  
We stayed there until the late hours of the night, and Jacob picked me up in his arms and carried me back to the car. I was wavering between being awake and being asleep, and I didn't really feel us pull up in front of Jacob's house.  
"Bella, honey, wake up," Jacob said softly, reaching into the passenger seat and picking me up. I opened my eyes, looking around. We were making our way into Jacob's house, Billy was nowhere to be seen, and Jacob placed me down onto his bed.  
"Oh, Charlie," I reminded him, sitting upright.  
"I'll call him," Jacob said, lying me back down and covering me with his sheets. He turned off the light and left the room then. I tried not to fall asleep too quickly, I wanted to hear what Jacob would tell Charlie. But Jacob was talking too quietly, so I had nothing to do but wait until he came back.  
I snuggled into his pillow, and I could smell Jacob everywhere. I was feeling so tired, but I couldn't fall asleep. I was still so worried about Jacob.

I felt him slip in beside me, pulling me close and wrapped his arms around me from behind. I could feel his breath on my neck.  
"Jacob?" I asked, feeling his warm body against mine.  
"Mmm?"  
"What did Charlie say?" I asked. Was he going to ground me?  
"He said it's okay," he whispered, kissing my neck lightly and smoothing down my hair.  
"I love you," I whispered, my eyes closing, and before I knew it I was fast asleep. I didn't hear him respond. This was exactly how things were supposed to be.


	16. Chapter 16: Waking Up With Jacob

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own any characters, places, etc.**

****Author's Note** I promise next chapter will be Jacob POV!! :D Anyways, I hope you like the chapter !! Review kindly :)**

BELLA

I woke up to the faint sounds of Jacob snoring beside me, my head was resting beside his chest, and his arm was slung around me protectively. I could see a sliver of light shining in beneath the door, but I couldn't hear anything. What time was it? Would Charlie be mad at me?  
I was too cosy to really think about it, though. Being so close to Jacob was comforting, and now when I looked up into his face, so innocent and vulnerable, he looked like the old Jacob. My Jacob. So beautiful and lovely. I watched him sleep for a few more moments, before finally I shook him awake lightly.  
"Huh?" he asked, opening his eyes to me. "Oh, morning Bells," he muttered. He closed his eyes again, pulled me in close to him and yawned.  
"Morning," I whispered. I saw him smile, and his lips found my forehead.  
"How was your sleep?" he asked, stroking my hair. I pulled away to look up at him.  
"Good. Jacob, what did you tell Charlie?" I asked, and I saw him wince.  
"Can we not talk about yesterday? I just want to enjoy this moment with you," Jacob said, pulling me back into him and closing his eyes. What was he hiding? Something was wrong, but I couldn't put my finger on what.  
"But I need to know," I pressed the matter. It was pretty stupid of Jacob to think that I didn't need to know whatever lie he told Charlie.  
"I just told him you were safe, and he was happy with that. He won't ground you, I told him it was all my fault," he said, sitting up, looking at me angrily. Why was Jacob being so mean?  
"But Jacob -"  
"Bella, please. Can we just pretend that yesterday didn't happen. We'll go back to living our lives like before, okay. You love me, I love you, everything is fine," he said, turning his back to me. He stood up and smoothed his own hair back, pulling it into a ponytail at the back of his head.  
"Are you sure that everything's fine?" I asked. He turned to look at me, I felt my heart melt, he was so beautiful. He knelt back down onto the bed and kissed me.  
"It's perfect. Now, are you hungry?" he asked with a grin, and I sat up. We hadn't eaten last night, I was much to stressed. Jacob was either angry, or wonderful, I couldn't keep up with him. He was fine when I didn't mention yesterday.

We ate cereal together at the kitchen table, mostly in silence; I was much to afraid to break Jacob's brooding concentration.  
"Good morning Bella. Jacob, I hope you didn't break the couch last night," Billy said suddenly, wheeling out behind me.  
"Morning," I responded, feeling a little uncomfortable. I shot Jacob a glance.  
"No, Dad, I didn't," Jacob said, grinning at me, looking guilty. He winked. Billy spoke to Jacob about a few things then, but I wasn't really listening. I was thinking about yesterday, my mind was running over everything that happened in the afternoon, and it didn't make sense. What was Jacob hiding? Why had he asked me if I loved him more than Edward? Why did he want to spend the night with me tonight of all nights? Maybe he was just feeling self-conscious. Maybe he was just scared of losing me.

Jacob drove me back to Forks, he even walked me back inside in case Charlie had decided to blame me for last night. Jacob held his arm around me shoulder as we walked into the kitchen, Charlie was sitting at the table, waiting.  
"Oh, Bella, Jacob -" he said as we walked in.  
"Sorry about last night Charlie," Jacob said instantly, and he and Charlie locked eyes. I looked between the two. What had Jacob told him?  
"That's alright, as long as you're safe, Bella," he said, standing up and pulling me into a half hug. I sighed. This wasn't right.  
"Dad, can I just go upstairs and take a shower?" I asked, looking up at him pathetically. That look had worked for Jacob, so I suppose it would work for me, too. He nodded silently, and I left the room then, walking up the stairs. I could hear Charlie and Jacob talking quietly, but I had no idea what they were talking about, nor did I really care at this point. Whatever lie Jacob had told Charlie had worked, and even though I felt guilty about it all, I just wanted Jacob to be okay. As long as nobody was getting hurt.

When I came downstairs after having a shower, wondering if Charlie and Jacob were still there, I heard the sounds of the television on, and when I came to the foot of the stairs, Jacob was sitting on my couch, watching a sports show.  
"Where's Charlie?" I asked, and he instantly switched the show off.  
"He had to go to work, but, I thought I'd stick around. He said it was okay," he responded. He stood up and walked over to me, still hovering by the staircase.  
"Okay then," I said, feeling a bit uncomfortable. "What the hell did you tell Charlie?"  
"I just told him that I was feeling down, and that I asked you to stay with me til I felt better, which was the truth," he said. He pulled me into his arms, holding me protectively.  
"Thanks Jacob," I said, wrapping my arms up around his neck and pulling his face down, kissing him softly on the lips.  
"You smell good, Bells," he laughed, sniffing my damp hair.  
"You smell terrible, go have a shower," I pretended to hold my nose. "Or at least get a chance of cloths!"  
"Well, I could have a shower here but I wouldn't have a change of cloths," he said, biting lightly at my ear. He did not just say that!  
"Ew Jacob, go home then!" I said, and I couldn't help but laugh. He kissed my cheek, and then my lips - he was back to himself again.  
"You love it, honey," he teased, running his hands down my back. He was looking at me intently now.  
"Seriously, though, if you want to go, it's okay," I said, still smiling weakly at him. I didn't want to make him upset again.  
"Alright I get the hint, I'll go clean myself up, and then I'll come back, okay," he said, pulling me up and kissing me hotly.  
"Make sure you brush your teeth, too," I whispered, giggling. He let out a little growl and kissed me again, lifting me up slightly off my feet and spun me around.  
"Only for you, Bells," he said, grinning, and I walked him to the had bothered Jacob before didn't seem to be bothering him now, and whatever it was had brought us closer together. Waking up next to Jacob felt like the most natural thing in the world.


	17. Chapter 17: What an Idiot

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own any characters, places, etc.**

**Author's Note** Yayyy another Jacob POV !! Okayyyy, I hope you enjoy the chapter !! More to come soon, as long as work doesn't get in the way TOO much!! (Although thats probably the best thing about working for a company where you have to use computers all day, or in my case night, since I get to write the fic during the less busy moments!!)  
Review kindly? :)  
  
JACOB

I left Bella's place then, but I didn't go home. I drove straight down to the old Cullen place, with every intention of getting rid of Edward before Bella found out he was here. I pulled up outside, and stalked up towards the front door. I knocked hard, and Edward appeared. He took a step outside, closing the door behind him.  
"Hello Jacob," he said coolly. It really pissed me off when he used manners like that.  
"I came to tell you that Bella doesn't want to see you," I said, glaring at him. My breathing was heavy now, mostly because Edward was staring at me as though he could see right through me. He didn't move for a long time, and it sort of seemed like he was weighing up his options. Was he gunna try to fight me? Man, I'd love to see him try. The only reason I wasn't hurting him now was because of Bella; she wouldn't want me fighting Edward and even though she'd never know, I'd always feel bad about it.  
"I see, what did she say?" Edward asked, looking a little hurt. Good.  
"I don't have to tell you jack, now just leave and don't bother trying to talk to her again," I growled through my teeth, trying not to get too angry. I was scared what Bella would do if she did know that Edward was here, but I couldn't risk it. Edward always had some weird hold over Bella. I really couldn't lose to him. Edward was still staring at me, but he didn't look offended by my tone. Still with the God-damned manners.  
"Alright then, Jacob," he said, turning. He turned back around, and held out a hand. "Please take care of her."  
Was he seriously wanting to shake my hand? Was he seriously standing there with that smug look on his face? Did he really think I'd shake it.  
He recoiled his hand at my very thought, and grimaced.  
"I'll make her happy," I said, in almost a whisper, I was so blinded by the rage I was feeling. Edward looked sort of scared then. Good, I was scaring him. Maybe now he'd leave her alone.  
"I suppose I can't blame you for hating me, Jacob. I know I hurt her, I just hope you know what you're doing," he stared at me, as though he knew more than he was letting on. Who did this guy think he was?  
"Piss off, Edward," I said, turning and walking away. When I got into the car and looked back up towards the door, he was gone, and I sped off away back to La Push.

I did feel a bit bad about lying to Bella and Edward about the whole situation, but it was for Bella's own good. She was in love with me, and as she said, she loved me more than she loved Edward. I really hoped that was true. Either way, Edward would be leaving now, and me and Bella would be able to go ahead and live our lives like we were before, without Edward. I pulled up outside my place and went inside. I showered and dressed quickly, and brushed my teeth last minute. Bella was expecting me back down in Forks with her, and if I was any longer than necessary, she'd know something was up. But I knew Charlie would cover for me, regardless. He'd convince Bella this afternoon that everything was fine.

I'd called Charlie that night I brought Bella home with me. I figured if anyone would understand what I was trying to do, it would be Charlie. He was someone I knew hated Edward as much as I did. When I told him Edward was back in town and wanting to talk to Bella, he'd sworn loudly and told me to keep it from Bella as long as I could. We discussed it in length, and he decided that Edward may try to visit Bella that same night, so it would be best to keep Bella away from Forks. Which worked out REALLY well for me.

Forgetting Edward for a moment, I remembered back to that sweet night I'd spent with Bella. She'd fallen asleep in my arms down at the beach, and I'd carried her into my bedroom. My Dad insisted I sleep on the couch, but I didn't listen to him. I couldn't pass up this chance to fall asleep with Bella, and wake up with her in the morning. During the night she'd pressed her warm body up against me, her arms had wrapped around me and held me tight, her lips had brushed against my neck. I'd wanted to wake her up, to take her right there, make her mine. But that was too fast for Bella. She wouldn't want me like that.  
She was the one to wake me up in the morning, and the way she'd been smiling at me was just so beautiful, so perfect. I just knew I couldn't let Edward ruin that. He couldn't take Bella from me.

I brought myself back into reality as I drove towards Forks. I had to admit, I was a bit scared that Edward would be there when I showed up, but I knew that he knew better than that. If he really loved Bella like he said he did, then he'd know it was better for her if he wasn't around. I let myself in, knowing that Bella wouldn't care if I knocked or not. She wasn't in the lounge room where I'd left her, so I climbed the stairs and stood outside her closed door. Should I knock? No. Why should I have to knock?  
I opened the door and walked right in, Bella was lying on her bed reading some ratty old book. She sat upright, looking at me angrily.  
"Jacob! Don't you know how to knock?!" she asked, throwing the book down onto her desk and staring at me. I shrugged.  
"Sorry," I said. What had I done?!  
"I could have been changing or something!" she responded, turning away from me. Oh yeah, that would have been _just_ awful. I rolled my eyes.  
"I wish, Bella," I said out loud, realising that was probably a thought I should have kept to myself. I heard her scoff. But I knew she couldn't stay mad at me, so I wrapped my arms around her from behind and leant down to kiss her cheek.  
"Jacob," she complained, trying to push me off.  
"I'm sorry, honey," I whispered into her ear. I knew it always had an effect on her, and it had worked this time as well, because she wheeled around to face me, still in my arms, and kissed me passionately. I never thought I'd have Bella kissing me like that. I did feel a bit guilty that she had been hurting for so long, and all I'd wanted the whole time was her. But that was all in the past, she was different now, and so was I.

She let me go then, and I sat down on her bed. I looked over at her sadly, wondering what I'd do if Edward decided to show up. If she went back to him, then this would all be a lie. I just had to be confident enough in Bella that she would choose me over Edward.  
She must have realised how pathetic I looked sitting there, because she pushed me down onto her bed and crawled up beside me.  
"I'm glad you had a shower," she smiled, running her fingers through my now clean hair. I felt myself grin.  
"I would have liked to have one here instead," I whispered back, kissing her slowly. I wanted to pull myself on top of her, run my hands across her body, have her moving beneath me, moving with me. But I knew I had to control myself, that wasn't what she wanted. I tried to keep my hands to myself, but I couldn't help but let them creep across her hip and down her leg, trying to pull it up over mine. It was easier than I expected, she gave in fairly easy, no fight at all.  
I must have missed something because before I knew it, she was on top of me, her legs holstered around me and her hands moving up over my shoulders; all the while she was kissing me. Was he trying to convince me that she loved me? She didn't have to give me sex because of that.

I felt her lips move then, down across my neck. I wanted to rip her cloths of, push her down and just lose control, but I couldn't. I just couldn't. I respected Bella too much. But I pushed her up lightly so I could kiss her again, move down across her neck, and I heard her.  
"Jacob..." she breathed, I felt her fingernails dig into the skin at the back of my neck, but I didn't care. I went crazy when she called my name, when I heard her say it, I just wanted her more. But if she was doing all this just to convince me because of how I'd acted yesterday, then I couldn't let her. I didn't want it like this. I wanted to know what she was thinking, what was going through her head?  
"Bella, stop," I said, already regretting those words. Was I the stupidest guy on the planet? She looked at me, breathing heavy, concerned. God I loved her.  
"What's wrong?" she asked. I was probably just making what happened yesterday worse. What's wrong with me?!  
"You don't have to do this," I whispered. She just stared at me for a moment, it sort of looked like she didn't understand.  
"I love you Jacob, I need you to know that," she responded, touching my face. I couldn't help but smile. I twisted our bodies so she was beneath me, and I pulled myself off her so I was beside her instead.  
"I know, and I love you too, but you don't have to convince me like this, Bella," I said. Honestly, I sort of did want her to convince me this way. But I knew she didn't really want to. She sighed.  
"I'm sorry Jacob, I just don't know what's going on with you," she said, turning away from me. Was she crying? I hated it when Bella cried.  
"Oh, honey, I'm sorry," I said, instantly feeling guilty. "I'm just an idiot who didn't realise how good he had it."  
"Yeah," she agreed, and it sounded like she was pouting. I pulled her in and kissed her cheek, laughing.  
"Gee, thanks Bells," I said, and I heard her laugh. She turned around, and kissed me again on the lips.

I'm pretty sure that everything will be just fine.


	18. Chapter 18: Edward's Explanation

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own any characters, places, etc.**

****Author's Note** I hope you like this chapter !! To be honest, I'm hooked on Jacob POV now, so I'm finding it a little sad to go back to Bella POV !! Lol !! So I've decided to write a complete Jacob POV some time in the future, so watch out for it! Bahahaha. Anywho, I'll update this one soon!  
Review kindly :)**

BELLA

When Jacob left, I still couldn't shake my uncertainty. I knew he'd wanted to go further me today, but he'd stopped me. He'd told me he didn't want me to convince him this way, but I really had no idea on how else to convince him? I hadn't wanted to sleep with Jacob because of this, though. I wanted it to be right, I wanted it to be perfect. But Jacob was being so strange, I had no idea what else to do.

Dinner with Charlie was awkward. I felt like he could see right through me, like he knew what I had planned to do with Jacob. But rather than looking angry, he looked concerned.  
"How are you and Jacob going?" he asked. He must have realised something was going on.  
"We're okay," I hesitated, not sure if this was something I really wanted to discuss with Charlie. Though I reminded myself, he was a guy too, maybe he could tell me what was going on in Jacob's head.  
"But, Jacob has been acting, kind of weird," I said at last. Charlie's whole demeanour changed, and he looked uncomfortable.  
"Well, he's a teenage boy, kid. Maybe he's just a little bit, um, you know. Maybe he doesn't want to take things too fast," he said, eating his dinner quickly. Why did Charlie have to make things even more awkward? I knew that wasn't the problem with Jacob.  
"Sorry I brought it up," I murmured, hanging my head and shovelling the food into my mouth.  
"I'm sorry kid, I think Jacob is just a bit scared of losing you," he replied, placing his fork down and looking at me sadly. Did he know something I didn't?  
"Whatever, Dad," I replied. What was it with guys?

Jacob came back after dinner, bringing my truck with him. I was happy to see it back up and running. I thanked him quickly, mostly because I sort of wanted to avoid him. I think he got the hint, and didn't press the matter, and Charlie gave him a ride home. Jacob was still acting so weird, always changing between his old self and this new jittery Jacob, I just wasn't sure what to do anymore.

I went to bed early that evening, still concerned about what was going on with Jacob, and now Charlie. Were they in on this together? I snuggled up to my pillows, they still smelt like Jacob, and closed my eyes.  
"Bella?" My eyes shot open. Was I dreaming? "Bella, wake up, please."  
"Edward?" I was really looking at Edward. He was standing in my room again, leaning over me, a calm look on his face - though I could see desperation in his beautiful amber eyes.  
"Yes, it's me Bella," he whispered. I sat up, still staring at him. I must have been dreaming.  
"What are you doing here?" I hissed. What was going on? What was happening? Was I going crazy?!  
"Jacob asked me not to see you, but, when he didn't tell you I was here, I had to come and see you," he said quietly.  
WHAT!

I tried to get my head around it for a moment. Jacob knew Edward was back? Jacob had asked Edward not to see me? What was Edward even doing here?  
"Why are you here?" I asked, feeling sick. I felt him take my hand. I wanted to take it back, but I was stunned.  
"I needed to tell you that I was sorry for what I did. I should never have left. I'm still in love with you Bella, but I know that you're with Jacob now," he said. This was a bit too much for me to take in at once. I felt light-headed then, I was sure I was going to faint. But Edward held a hand to my face, and I went cold.  
"You still love me?" I asked weakly, ignoring everything else for the moment. I'd deal with what Jacob had done after I dealt with this.  
"Yes, I'll always love you Bella," he said, and he moved his face closer to mine. Was he going to kiss me?  
"Then why did you leave?" I felt tears build up in my eyes, and if he was going to kiss me before, this changed his mind. He put his arms around me and held me against his stone chest, but it all felt wrong. It didn't feel the way it felt before.  
"I'm so sorry, Bella," he whispered, so quiet I could hardly hear him.

I went through everything that had happened to me in the past few months. The hurt, the pain, the heartache when Edward had left. The months of torture I'd put myself, Charlie and Jacob through. The desperate need to hear his voice, the way I'd used Jacob to hear the voice. I'd needed Edward. And then Jacob. I'd fallen in love with Jacob, and I'd been happier with him that I had been in such a long time.

But Jacob had betrayed me. This is why he had been so strange. He was keeping the fact that Edward was in town from me, and especially the fact that Edward was still in love with me. And Edward hadn't believed his lies because he could see everything Jacob was thinking. Edward broke my thoughts.  
"I know I chose a terrible time to tell you, and maybe coming back was a mistake. I can see that Jacob really loves you," he said softly. Jacob did love me. But that didn't give him the right to take away my choice to see Edward if I wanted.  
"Edward," I began, but I couldn't find words to speak. What the hell was going on? I needed time.  
"Bella, I'm sorry," he said again, and he brought his face close to mind again. He leant in and I felt his cold lips press against mine. I pushed him off, feeling the tears start again.  
"Don't do that again," I said, feeling my face go red. He looked at me sadly.  
"I'll give you some time to think," he said, and before I had a chance to say anything else, he was gone.

I buried my face in my pillow, too angry to think about what had just happened. I could still smell Jacob, but it only made me angrier. Jacob had almost let me - Oh God! I felt terrible. I sat up, looking around. I needed to talk to Jacob. I got up out of bed, changed my clothing quickly and went to my door. I hesitated. Would Jacob be angry at me when he found out I spoke to Edward? Though I reminded myself that it was me who should be angry. I made my way downstairs quietly, slipping out the front door. Charlie had gone to bed, but I was scared to wake him before I got a chance to drive away. I knew that he'd probably hear the engine of my truck start, but by then it would be too late to stop me.

I stopped. Charlie. Did he know, too? He'd been sticking up for Jacob all this time, he'd let me stay down in La Push that night. I felt like the past few days had all been lies. I tried to stop crying before I went to talk to Jacob. I didn't want him to see me like this, because as angry as I was about all of this, I didn't want him to feel like it was all his fault. I knew he'd always been scared of losing me to Edward again, so I could somewhat understand. But that still didn't give him the right to turn Edward away.  
I climbed up into the car, it was freezing outside. I waited a few moments before starting the engine, a little scared of how this would all end up. I just didn't know what to do. I drove off down the street as quickly as my truck could muster, hoping that Charlie wouldn't follow me. But I'm sure he knew where I was going. I pulled up outside Jacob's house, and although it wasn't very late, I felt a little bit guilty for just turning up without calling first. I had to keep reminding myself that I was mad at Jacob, and that I didn't owe him anything.

"Bella, what -" Billy answered the door, looking at me in confusion. I gave him an apologetic look, it wasn't his fault that Jacob had acted like an idiot.  
"I need to see Jake," I said, trying to be as nice as I could. He let me in, seemingly knowing what this was about, and gestured to down the hall. "Thanks," I murmured.

I stood outside Jacob's door for a moment. Should I knock? I didn't really feel like he deserved it, but who knows what he was doing in there. I shuddered. I did not want to think about _that_. I knocked hard, and I heard a shuffle.  
"Yeah?" he called out.  
"Jacob?" I responded. There was another shuffle, and instantly he opened the door. He was shirtless, and he looked drowsy. Had I woken him up?  
"Bella, what's wrong?" he asked, looking me up and down. I was trembling.  
"Did you know Edward was back in town?" I asked. He breathed in, and moved aside, letting me into his room.  
"I'm sorry I didn't tell you, Bella," he said quietly, sitting down on his bed. I would have sat down, too, but I was too angry, too confused about what to say.  
"I could have made my own choices, did you think I was just going to run back to Edward? After everything we've been through?! I wanted to sleep with you, Jacob," I spluttered, it all came out in one, long, tearful sentence. He looked like a child accepting their punishment. He looked so sad.  
"I'm so sorry, Bella," he responded. He didn't move. What else could I say? Did he think it was going to be that easy? Honestly, I wanted it to be that easy.  
I wanted to accept his apology, I wanted to kiss him, I wanted to hold him, to sleep with him, to be all his. But now that Edward was back, everything had changed.


	19. Chapter 19: Leaving

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own any characters, places, etc.**

****Author's Note** WAAAA what a terrible chapter, I'm so sad !! Why doesn't Edward go home!! And Jacob is such a cutie idiot!! _"  
Hahaha anyway, I hope you all enjoy and I'll try to update ASAP since this is an awful cliff-hanger !! D:  
Review kindly :)**

BELLA

_I wanted to accept his apology, I wanted to kiss him, I wanted to hold him, to sleep with him, to be all his. But now that Edward was back, everything had changed._

I know he was sorry. I know he felt bad. I could finally understand why he'd been acting so strange the past few days. The look he gave me broke my heart, and all my anger melted away. I didn't want to choose. I didn't want Edward to be back, and I didn't want Jacob to have betrayed me. I would always love Edward, no amount of time would change that. But I was _in_ love with Jacob. That's what made things so hard. I wasn't in love with Edward anymore.

I didn't want to have to make a decision. If Edward had come back a few weeks earlier, I would have gone back to him, easily. If he came back a few weeks later than today, I'm almost certain my relationship with Jacob would be too serious to ignore. But right now, Jacob and I were still sorting out what we wanted, we were still finding out how to do this. We weren't serious enough to fight whatever challenge that might come our way, but we were still strong enough not to break apart at the smallest thing. At least I thought we were.

"Bella, please say something," Jacob looked up, his shoulders were hunched and he had his head in his hands. That was the problem, I didn't know what to say. I shouldn't have come here without a plan, I should have thought of something to say to Jacob, anything. Edward's face was swimming in my head, and I couldn't get rid of it. That sad look he'd gave me when I told him not to kiss me. Now I was looking at Jacob's sad eyes. I couldn't escape it. This was what I was causing?  
"Edward kissed me," I said, looking down at Jacob. I felt sick, but I needed Jacob to know. I didn't want to hide it from him, I didn't want to lie to him. I could feel the tears coming. Jacob shot his head up to look at me, and it looked as though he might break into tears first. Did he think I was going to leave him?  
"He what?" he spat, the desperation turning to anger. He stood up.  
"Jacob..." I began, in a very vain attempt to calm him down.  
"He had no right to kiss you," he yelled, clenching his fists shut.  
"Jacob, please don't get angry," I responded, but I knew he had every right to. I took a step forward and reached out to touch him. I wrapped my arms up around him slowly, my cold fingers reaching across his warm back, but he didn't move. He just stood there.  
"I'm so sorry, Jacob," I whispered, placing my head against his chest. He reached his arms around me then and pulled me in a little closer. I didn't know if he was still angry, or if he was upset, I just wanted this all to go away. Maybe my relationship with Jacob was too serious to ignore. We'd been wavering on seriousness for a while now. Maybe it was time to make it official.

I leant up to kiss him softly on the mouth, and I felt his hand creep up my back and run through my hair, holding my head there. His kiss was urgent and fast, and I could tell he wanted to do this just as badly as I did. If we did this, then there would be no way I could go back to Edward. That choice would disappear completely. Jacob would be my only option.

I imagined that Jacob was feeling the same as I was. He was angry for all the wrong reasons, in no position to be mad at all, but at the same time he was terrified. I was in no position to be mad at anybody but myself. I was mad at Jacob, I was mad at Edward, I was even mad at Charlie, but I knew I shouldn't be.  
Jacob tried to protect me, Charlie tried to protect me, and Jacob. Edward, he - well, in fact, maybe I should be mad at Edward.  
Edward left me heartbroken, stole every physical memory I had of him, and I never heard from him or the rest of the Cullen's again. He forced me to move on, he forced me into Jacob's arms. This had been entirely his decision, and now he decides to return, full of romantic angst, probably for the mere theatrics of it all.  
Then he kissed me, without my permission, knowing that I was with Jacob. Jacob would take away my choice, tonight.

We sat down on the bed, and I didn't object when he lightly pushed me down. I wrapped my legs up around him and pressed my body close to his. I tried to pull him down closer to me, my hands on his back. He kissed me wildly, his hands ran across my body comfortably, and I tried not to be embarrassed. I brought my hand down and took his, pushing it up underneath my top. His hand lingered on my stomach, and I tried to push his hand up but he wouldn't budge. Was he actually feeling embarrassed by this? There was a time when Jacob wouldn't have stopped, let alone be forced to place his hand on my bare skin. What was different? I almost felt relieved when his hand finally crept up across my chest, and his mouth moved to my neck. I heard myself call out his name, wanting him to hurry; start this, take my choice away.  
_Make it only you, Jacob_, I told him silently. _Make me yours._

I felt him stop, as if he'd read my mind, to look at me. His hand was still reaching across my chest, but he looked pained.  
"What's wrong?" I asked instantly, breathlessly, feeling myself go red. I silently begged him not to stop, I wanted this.  
"You can't keep using sex to convince me, Bella," he said, taking back his hands and pulling himself off me. I wasn't using it to convince him this time. I was using it to convince me. I could tell he was upset, not angry, probably because he knew that I knew that he really wanted to do this.  
"I'm not trying to convince you. I want you, Jacob," I whispered, running my fingers across his chest. He looked over at me sadly, pulling me in close to him.  
"I don't want you this way. I want to do this when you're ready, not just because Edward comes back," he murmured, and I suddenly felt guilty. Jacob would always be second to Edward, he knew that, and it was costing him so much. Too much.  
Jacob would probably have to explain all of this to Billy, the way Jacob had been yelling, the way I'd been calling his name. Of course he'd tell Charlie. I didn't know what to say. I wanted Jacob to take away my choice, but I didn't know how to ask.  
"This isn't about Edward, it's about you and me," I lied, but he just let out a sigh.  
"I won't do this tonight. I know you don't want to. If Edward hadn't come back, you wouldn't want to move our relationship so fast," he replied. Even though Jacob could be an idiot sometimes, this time he was dead right. But I didn't want him to be right, I wanted him to stop me from going back to Edward. But maybe that was the wrong choice.

I felt myself get angry at Jacob then. Didn't he love me? If he loved me, he would stop this, he would do this with me tonight. He would yell at me, stop me from going to see Edward any way he could. But he wasn't. Was he letting me go? I tried to find the answer in his eyes, but he just looked at me sadly. He wasn't going to change anything tonight. He wasn't even going to try.

I got up then, trying not to start crying.  
"Jacob, do you love me?" I asked, looking down at him. He sat up.  
"Of course I do, Bells," he said, getting up. I took a step back from him.  
"Then why aren't you trying to stop me from seeing Edward? Why aren't you mad that I did see him?" I asked, feeling the tears spill over now. Damn. There was so much going through my head, I didn't know what thoughts to focus on. I missed Edward. I loved Edward. I hated Jacob. I loved Jacob. I hated Edward. It was all one big mess. But Jacob just stood there, looking at me like the big idiot he was, not knowing what to say.  
"I'm mad at him, I'm not mad at you," he said finally, slowly, as though he was trying to calm me down.  
"Well I'm mad at you," I felt myself scream. I wanted to hit him, I wanted to hurt him, but I just cried. He approached and tried to comfort me, but I pushed past him and stormed to the front door. He followed me outside, grabbed my arm and wheeled me around.  
"Bella, please," he begged, his voice was quiet compared to mine.  
"Let go of me!" I yelled, running towards my truck. But Jacob was faster than me, he was in front of me before I had a chance to get in.  
"Where are you going?" he asked, almost growling at me. As if he didn't know.  
"I'm going home!" I lied, trying to push him aside.  
"Please don't go to Edward," he said, moving aside freely, looking at me sadly. I matched his gaze for a moment, apologising.  
"Goodbye Jacob," I said quietly, getting up into the truck and driving away.

_I'm not coming back to you._


	20. Chapter 20: Alone

**DISCLAIMER: I don't any any characters, places, etc.**

**Author's Note** Waaaa I hated writed this chapter, it was so heartbreaking !! :(  
I'll try to make it happier SOOOON !!! :D  
Review kindly?? :)

I drove without any real direction for a while until I was out of La Push, when I pulled up on the side of the road to consider my next move. I was still crying, so I took a moment to try and think. Jacob didn't follow me, he hadn't even tried to stop me. Did I still love Jacob? I couldn't tell. All I knew is that if Jacob wouldn't take away my choice, Edward would. Edward would fight for me.

I made my way to where the Cullen's used to live, pulling up outside. Edward must have heard, because he was at the front door before I even reached it, staring at me.  
"Bella?" he asked, confused. I approached him, the tears flowing from my eyes. Without thinking, I pushed myself into him, throwing my arms up around his neck.  
"Oh Edward," I cried, holding my head against his cold chest. I felt his arms slip around me, his hand rubbing my shoulder soothingly.  
"What happened?" he asked, pulling me softly away to touch my face. He traced his fingertips across my jaw line, and I felt myself shiver.  
Somehow I didn't feel the same way I did before. But I was so confused, I was so heartbroken by everything, I didn't know what to think. All I could feel was Edward's touch, and all I could think of was Jacob.  
"Jacob and I, he just, and he wouldn't," I spluttered, knowing I made no sense. He just held me close to him again, and I felt my heart beat a little faster. Edward didn't want to hear about Jacob and I. I felt myself being led back indoors, and he set me down on an unfamiliar couch. The house was dark, but I could tell it was different.  
"It's alright, Bella," Edward said, letting me go and running his fingers through my hair slowly. I didn't know what to tell him, because I didn't know what I was thinking myself. I couldn't get my head around all that had happened. Here I was with Edward, and it almost felt as though nothing had changed. Apart from the fact that I was in love with Jacob. Or at least I was. After what had happened tonight, I didn't want to love him anymore. I hated Jacob.

"Take me back, Edward," I said suddenly, trying to stop myself from crying. He cocked his head, as though he didn't understand, and gave me a look of perfect confusion, his big amber eyes searching mine.  
"Is that what you want, Bella?" he asked, quietly, softly. I didn't know how to answer that.  
"Yes," I lied. Was it a lie? It certainly felt like it, but I knew it wouldn't take us long to get back to the way we were before. It wouldn't take long for me to fall for Edward's perfection again.  
"What about Jacob?" he asked. I hesitated. What about Jacob, I thought spitefully.  
"I don't care about Jacob," I said, throwing myself on Edward again. I wanted him to kiss me, I wanted him to make me feel the way I used to. But Edward stayed perfectly still, so I let go.  
"You don't care about Jacob?" he repeated, raising his eyebrows. I shrugged.  
"No," I responded. There was only one thing I wanted for Edward right now.

"Bite me," I said suddenly, pushing my hair to the side and exposing my neck. I saw Edward roll his eyes.  
"Bella -"  
"Please, Edward, I'm begging you," I said, looking at him sadly. This was my only choice now. Jacob didn't want me, and if Edward did, he would have to bite me.  
"Bella, I'm not going to bite you," he said calmly. I let my hair go, and titled my head back to normal. I felt the tears welling up again.  
"If you want me, you'll bite me," I sobbed, pushing my body up to his, pressing my cheek against the side of his face. I felt him go completely stiff.  
"Stop," he ordered, and pushed me away from him.  
"Do it, Edward! If you want me, you'll bite me! Right now!" I pleaded, my voice was cracking but I didn't care. I needed him to bite me, I needed to be a vampire, I needed to be with Edward. If he changed me, I could forget all about Jacob, I could forget all about my old life, and I could start again. I would fall in love with Edward again, and everything would be perfect.  
I just wish I didn't feel so uneasy about it.

Edward stood up, turning from me. I followed him, reached out to touch him, but he recoiled. He turned around to look at me, hurt in his eyes.  
"You don't want me Bella, you're just using me to get back at Jacob," he said, moving away from me. When I looked at Edward, I didn't feel the same way I did before. He didn't dazzle me, he didn't make my heart skip a beat, he just made me sad. I didn't reply for a long time, I just stood there, staring at him.  
This was all wrong. Edward was all wrong. But I couldn't admit it.  
"That's not true," I choked out, but he just shook his head.  
"Bella, I may not be able to read your mind, but I can read Jacob's, and I know he cares about you," Edward said softly. My eyes narrowed as I looked at him, confused.  
"That's right, you spoke to Jacob," I realised, thinking. I wondered about what happened with that.  
"He told me never to speak to you again. I heard his thoughts, he couldn't bear to lose you," Edward's voice came as a whisper, and he looked upset.  
"He loves you so much he's willing to do all of this to keep you. What did I do, Bella?"  
"You came back," I sobbed, not moving. "You came back for me."  
"Jacob never left, and he never will. He's coming," Edward said, walking to the front door. He was looking out towards the street, as though he could see right through the door.  
"What?" I asked, not moving.  
"He's coming to find you. He's worried." he said.

Edward led me outdoors, and kissed me lightly on the cheek.  
"Edward, don't -" I began, not wanting him to leave me out here.  
"He'll be here any minute," Edward said quietly. Sure enough, at that moment I looked over and saw the headlights of Jacob's car coming towards us. We waited together, and Jacob pulled up beside my truck.  
"Bella?" he called out, standing by his car. He didn't approach us, he looked upset.  
"He's really upset. Cut him some slack," Edward murmured.  
"What are you doing here, Jacob?" I replied, ignoring Edward. Jacob approached us, ignoring Edward too.  
"I'm here for you Bella, I needed to make sure you were safe," he said, looking at me sadly. I heard Edward sniff, obviously annoyed with Jacob. I hated both of them.  
"Well I'm safe, now I'm going home," I said, pushing my way through both of them and getting into my truck. I drove away before they had a chance to stop me, fuming. How dare Jacob follow me!

But isn't that what I wanted?

I pulled up outside my house, and crept inside. Of course, Charlie was waiting for me.  
"Where have you been, young lady?" he asked, standing up. He was trying to be angry, but he just looked upset.  
"I'm sorry, Dad," I said, trying not to cry again.  
"Are you alright?" he asked, approaching me. He wavered between attempting to hug me or not, and ending up putting a hand on my shoulder. But I just cried, and he pulled me into a half hug. He must have guessed what had happened.  
"So you and Jacob -?"  
"I don't really want to talk about it, Dad," I said, crying onto his shoulder.

Jacob and I were finished. Edward didn't want me. I was all alone.


	21. Chapter 21: Despite Foolishness

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own any characters, places, etc.**

****Author's Note** Sorry if my characters are a bit OOC, or OOT (maybe a bit of both lol), but I hope you like it anyway! Review kindly :)**

Bella

I could see Edward's face, I could feel his arms around me, cold and smooth. I was uncomfortable, I tried to pull away. I felt his hands on my arm, growing warm. I looked down at his skin, tanned and soft, and suddenly it wasn't Edward anymore. Jacob leant in and tried to kiss me, but he disappeared, and I opened my eyes.

I was sweating, and I pushed my hair away from my eyes. It was already light outside. I let my mind wander through what had happened last night, and I decided before anything else that I had overreacted. I had overreacted big time. After remembering how I'd blamed everyone else, I felt terrible and stupid. It was all my fault, everything was because of me.  
I was so angry with myself, I'd made a fool of myself in front of Jacob and in front of Edward. I'd thrown myself at Jacob, not really wanting to have sex with him, but I tried to force him anyway. And for what? So I wouldn't feel guilty about choosing Jacob.  
And then I'd tried to force Edward into biting me! What had I been thinking?  
I didn't even want to be with Edward. I wanted to be with Jacob. And he always wanted to be with me.

I felt like I wanted to cry, but I didn't have the energy for it. I was horrified with myself for letting Jacob see me like that, for treating Jacob like that. I needed to apologise, I needed to beg his forgiveness. I needed to tell him that it was him I was in love with, that I had been wrong, so wrong.

I thought about driving down to La Push to see him, but I didn't know if that was such a good idea. I'd made so many mistakes by just getting in my truck and driving wherever popped into my head at the time, so I decided I should think about what I was doing to say first, and then call Jacob, rather than just heading down there. But Jacob beat me to it. I answered the phone as casually as I could, and I heard his voice say my name on the other end.  
"Jacob," I breathed out, just relieved to speak to him. I felt like I could finally see, and my thoughts were clear to me.  
"Are you okay, Bella?" he asked, sounding concerned.  
"I am today, Jake," I responded.  
"Oh, I'm glad," he said quietly. He hesitated, probably wanting to ask more than a few questions about the night before.  
"Can you come over, Jacob?" I asked. I could hear him breathing, thinking maybe?  
"Sure, Bells," he replied, still sounding a bit unsure about the situation. Maybe he thought I would break up with him. Even though, I sort of already did. I was scared that Jacob would be mad at me, I did go to Edward even though he asked me not to. I really hurt him.

After I hung up, I went upstairs to have a shower and get ready. I felt jittery, mostly because I was deciding to apologise before anything else - tell Jacob I was sorry for hurting him so much, sorry for going to Edward, sorry for trying to force him to take the next step with me. An apology would come first, and then an explanation. And then I would beg. I didn't expect Jacob to accept my apologies right away, but I knew he loved me. I just hoped he wasn't so disappointed in me that he didn't want to be with me anymore.

When he came over, he threw his arms around me before I had a chance to say anything.  
"Thank God you're safe," he whispered, finally letting me go. He looked down at me sadly.  
"Jacob, we need to talk," I replied, feeling terrible. I saw him swallow hard.  
I led him up to my bedroom, just in case, and closed the door behind us. I didn't want us to be interrupted by anyone or anything.  
"What is it?" he asked, as I sat down on the bed. He sat next to me, and took my hands in his. He looked so upset, so scared - I felt the same. I wish I knew what he was thinking, I wish I could erase the night before, I wish everything could go back to the way it was before Edward came back.  
"I'm so sorry, Jacob. I'm sorry about everything," I started out slowly, trying to keep my voice even.  
"I'm sorry for the way I've been treating you. I'm sorry for trying to force you to sleep with me, I'm sorry for getting angry over nothing, I'm so, so sorry for going to see Edward."  
The end all came out at once, but his face stayed the same. He just stared, a dumb look on his face, listening. Was he waiting for more?  
"I'm sorry for everything, absolutely everything," I whispered. He looked away momentarily, before glancing back. He still held my hand tight, and he let out a sigh.  
"It's okay, Bella," his whispered in return, and put his arms around me.  
"You don't have to forgive me, but please don't hate me," I murmured, but he didn't let me go. He didn't respond, so I figured I would explain it, now.

"I tried to sleep with you, because I thought,"  
"Stop, Bella, no," Jacob sounded pained, like he didn't want to hear it.  
"I just,"  
"Please, I don't need to hear it. I just need to know that you're safe, and that, that you love me?" he let go of me, looking at me, his big, dark eyes searching mine. I swallowed, and nodded.  
"I do love you. I'll always love you," I said, placing my hand on his face. Would it be okay to kiss him? I leant in and pressed my lips lightly against his, and then pulled away. I was scared he would pull away first. But he put his hands behind my head and pushed close to me, kissing me hotly on the mouth. I felt his kiss reassuring me already, and I felt our lives slowly slip back to the way they were before.  
"I do need to ask you this, though, Bella," he said suddenly, breaking away from me. I nodded slowly.  
"What is it?"  
"Did you really want to go back to Edward?" he asked. I hesitated. I didn't want to go back to Edward, I don't think I ever did. If Edward had bitten me last night, I would have spent the rest of eternity regretting it.  
"No. I never want to see Edward again," I promised, kissing him again, wrapping my arms up around his neck.  
"Really?" he breathed into me.  
"I only want you, Jake," I responded, and I let him hold me.

Finally, everything was the way it was supposed to be - despite my foolishness.


	22. Chapter 22: Feeling Like Bella Again

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own any characters, places, etc.**

**Author's Note** Hello everyoneee!! I'm happy majority of you are enjoying my fic, and that you're continuing to read it! Hehehe. I finally got myself a "Team Jacob" shirt yesterday, so WOO!! (Don't tell anyone I'm wearing it right now and have been ever since I got it LOL) Just kidding. ;)  
Anywayyyyyyy enjoy !! :D and review kindly :)

Jacob stayed with me for the rest of the day. We didn't really speak a lot, we just sat and watched movies downstairs. Jacob kept his arm around me the entire time, and I rested my head on his chest. I tried to follow the storyline that was playing in front of me, but I couldn't stop thinking about everything that had happened. I had so many questions I wanted to ask Jacob about what happened after I ran away last night, what Edward did, where he went, what Jacob did. Did he try to fight Edward? But I knew Jacob didn't want to talk about it.  
I felt Jacob jump lightly when the door opened and closed, but relaxed when we heard the usual sound of Charlie putting up his gun. Charlie walked in then, standing by the entrance of the lounge room, looking over us.  
"Bella?" he asked, uncertain, obviously confused. I couldn't blame him. I hadn't wanted to talk about it last night, I'd just broken into tears until he put me to bed, and I hadn't spoken to him since. I glanced at Jacob, who grimaced, apologetic. I didn't know what was coming, but I knew that Charlie probably wanted to talk - or yell. Either way, something was coming. Jacob leant over and grabbed the remote, switching the television off.  
"Uh, maybe I should head off," Jacob said, glancing from me to Charlie and back again. I sat upright, letting Jacob take his arm back. He stood up.  
"Thanks Jacob," Charlie said, still hovering by the doorway. Jacob nodded in understanding. He leant down to kiss me lightly on the lips.  
"Call me afterwards," he whispered in my ear, before standing upright again and walking towards Charlie.  
"Catch you later, Charlie," Jacob said, shaking Charlie's hands promptly and walking past him to the door.

Charlie waited for the door to close behind Jacob before entering the lounge room, looking at me with concern. I could tell he was worried about me, especially worried that I would go back to the way I was before when Edward had first left. And Charlie knew that Edward had come back. I didn't want to be the first one to talk, so I waited for him to say something.  
"Bella, I first want to say that I'm sorry," he said, looking uncomfortable all of a sudden. I was confused. Why was Charlie the one who was sorry? I'd acted like a brat the past few days, I should be apologising. When I just stared at him with my mouth open, he kept talking.  
"Jacob told me that Edward was back, and I didn't want you to see him. I shouldn't have let Jacob get carried away with himself, and I should have told you," he said, not looking at me. This was even more awkward than the sex talk.  
"Dad, it's okay," I replied. My mouth was dry, I felt like I couldn't speak. "I'm sorry,"  
"Oh you don't have anything to be sorry about, kid. I just want you to be okay, even if it's not with Jacob, although -"  
"Everything with Jacob is fine, we're, we're going to be okay," I told him. He sighed with relief, and he sat down on the other couch.  
"Alright then Bella, as long as your happy, and okay," he responded, smiling half-heartedly at me. I felt so bad for hurting Charlie like this, I hadn't even seen it before. But everything had changed now, and everything would be alright. I wouldn't worry anyone anymore.

After our talk, I instantly called Jacob.  
"How did it go?" Jacob asked, sounding a little scared. "You're not grounded are you?"  
"No, I'm not grounded. I think everything's going to be okay from now on," I replied, feeling myself smile. I wish I could have seen Jacob's reaction, because I really did miss his smile.  
"Great. So, I'll come pick you up tomorrow?" he asked. I may not have been able to see his smile, but I could hear it in his voice.  
"Can't I just take my truck?" I complained.  
"And have you break down before you make it to La Push? I don't think so," he laughed. "Besides, who says your coming to my place? I could be taking you out somewhere!"  
"Are you?" I asked, curious. Jacob hadn't taken me anywhere since we'd started dating, but that was mostly since he hardly had any money. It didn't really bother me regardless.  
"Maybe," he replied, and it sounded as though even he hadn't made up his mind.  
"Jacob, can I ask you something?" I asked, swallowing hard. I didn't really want to talk about this, but, I had to know.  
"Sure," he replied. I hesitated.  
"What happened to Edward?" I asked softly. He didn't reply for a while, like he was deciding how to say it.  
"I don't know. I left right after you did," he finally said. I decided not to press the matter.  
"Oh, okay. And Jake?"  
"Mmm?"  
"I love you," I said, not caring if Charlie heard me say it. What was the difference now? Regardless, I still felt myself go red, just in case.  
"I love you too, Bells," he replied, and we hung up.

So nobody had any idea of what was going on with Edward. Was he still in town, had he left? In reality, I suppose I didn't really care. It was time for me to stop being so concerned about what other people were doing. In fact, it was time for me to stop being so concerned about love in general. I didn't need to put so much emphasis on it anymore. Jacob was here for me, he loved me, and I loved him. End of story, really. What else did we need to think about?

Charlie and I ate dinner together happily that night. There was no awkward thoughts between us, he didn't looked scared that I might turn into the old Bella.  
"We should invite Billy and Jacob over on the weekend, for the game?" Charlie asked through a mouthful. I thought back to the last time they'd come over for a game and a meal. It was the night that I decided Jacob would be the only one for me, and the night he'd attempted to kiss me, but missed. I wondered if it would be as awkward this time - or more awkward. Being around our dad's separately weren't so bad, but having them together might be scary. Although, there wasn't much they could do now. We were together, this is what they wanted, after all.  
"That sounds fun," I responded, smiling.  
"Great. So, how long have you and Jake been together now?" Charlie asked, frowning in thought. A month, maybe? Four or five weeks? I wasn't sure.  
"Four or five weeks," I estimated, I hadn't really been keeping track.  
"Oh, okay, and when you stayed over his place -"  
"He slept on the couch," I said quickly. That's what Jacob had told Billy, so that's what I would be telling Charlie. I did not want a repeat of the sex talk. Charlie seemed happy with that, and left the subject alone.

Even so, I felt a bit guilty that I'd been planning on actually doing that with Jacob. I felt relieved that we didn't, that he'd said no. If we were going to be doing that, I didn't want it to be because I was forcing him, in tears, with his father in the other room. I didn't know how many times Jacob might have done it, but, I wanted my first time to be special. I'm sure he'd understand.

I cleaned up after dinner and went upstairs to email Renee. She'd sent more than a few emails since the last time I'd checked, and so I tried to give her as many details about my life as I could. I told her about Jacob and I, (leaving out more than a few details) and finished, sending it off. I missed her so much, but I was glad she was happy. I went to bed, excited for tomorrow, knowing we'd be back to our old selves.

I was going to make all of this up to Jacob. Soon.


	23. Chapter 23: I Should Really Plan Things

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own any characters, places, etc.**

**Author's Note** Sorry if my characters are OOT or OOC; or both. Hah. I hope you enjoy this chapter!! I'm sorry it took me a little longer to finally update, I've been swamped with work!! I've already half written the next chapter, lol, so, it should be up soonish as well!! Enjoy!! Review kindly :)

JACOB

That last night with Bella had been pretty intense. She really scared me, she sounded half crazy the whole time. I tried not to think about it now. The way she kept changing her mind on me was just weird, I really thought I was going to lose her. Who knew that Edward coming back would have such a, well, weird effect on her? I suppose it had a weird effect on me, as well. Thinking back, I'm not sure if I would have done it any differently. Sure, she was mad when she found out I'd lied, but she came back to me nonetheless. At least I was trying to show her that I loved her enough to do anything to keep her away from him? Gee, I don't know, my logic is probably really screwed up when it comes to Bella.  
I thought about the strange moments we'd shared in my bedroom before she'd run off. I shivered at the memory of her calling out my name, it made me crazy. The more I thought about it, the more I wanted her. I wanted her so badly. But I knew it wasn't supposed to be like that. It was supposed to be romantic, with candles and crap like that. I don't know. Honestly, I didn't care. Just the fact that it would be with Bella would make it special was probably the only part of last night I liked to think about. My name. Her calling my name.

But that thought inevitably led to me saying no to her, for all the right reasons, and her running back to Edward. When I found her there at the old Cullen place, I almost couldn't believe it. I was still a bit cut up about it inside, but I'd never tell Bella that. I wasn't angry with her, I was just sort of, hurt. It was a crappy thing to do. But, she said she was sorry, so I guess I forgive her. I loved her too much to let something so small break us. But the way she'd looked at me, like she hated me - I never wanted her to look at me like that again. I promised myself I wouldn't lie to her, though, I found myself lying to her again today on the phone.

"Jacob, can I ask you something?" she asked, but it hadn't clicked until she said it.  
"Sure," I responded. She was silent for a moment.  
"What happened to Edward?" she said quietly. It sounded more like a statement than a question, as though she didn't really want to know the answer. I didn't really know what answer to give her. I sort of wanted to tell her that he'd just gotten into his car and drove away, maybe that would make things easier. But that could also cause problems. "  
I don't know. I left right after you did," I replied. Again, not true. But she'd never know that. Well, I didn't know whether Edward left or not, so, in a small way, I was sort of honest.

The truth? I'd tried to hit him. Somehow he'd moved out of the way of my fist, and clucked his tongue at me. He tells me:  
"Violence won't solve this, Jacob." Oh please. I wasn't trying to solve this - I was trying to kick his ass. But he wouldn't put up a fight, even when I yelled at him and told him I wanted to kill him, he just smiled sadly and murmured something to himself, it sort of sounded like:  
"I wish you could."  
I didn't spend much longer there, since he just stared through me, as though I wasn't even there, which pissed me off even more. I figured all he was going to do was make me mad, and all I was going to do was get madder; nothing more. I'd swung a few more times, but I'd missed somehow, and he'd grabbed my arm with a tight grip.  
"Just leave, Jacob." he demanded, so I pushed him off my harshly, spat at the ground, and left. I was probably too upset to really hurt him, so I let it go. I'm sure we'll meet again, and when we do, I'll beat him.

Making up with Bella had been a lot easier than I expected. She was the one to apologise to me, and she didn't want to break up. That was a huge relief. So I spent the whole day with her, half sleeping through a bunch of chick flicks, but happy to have her in my arms. The days behind us had been awkward and hurtful, but now they were over. We'd be the same as before, well, better. Since, tomorrow, is our one month anniversary.  
I wasn't usually one to believe in anniversaries, especially not silly little ones like this. But, I don't know, Bella made me look at things differently. Even if it was only a slight difference. I wanted to get her something special, but of course, I had no cash. Well, very little cash, which I'd been saving to get a piece for one of the cars I'd been working on. I had scraped up as much cash as I could find, and in total I was left with $37.25. It was a small fortune, so, I decided I'd spent it all on Bella for our anniversary. God, how much would I have to save for our one year anniversary? I dreaded the talking to her on the phone, over the moon that she wasn't grounded, I teased her into thinking I was taking her somewhere. Though, honestly, I wasn't sure where. I had an inkling that Bella didn't even realise it WAS our one month anniversary, and that this day a month ago, we'd kissed at First Beach. So I guess I could make it all a surprise. Maybe I could take her down to Port Angeles to catch a movie or something, but, that was sort of lame. Maybe if I got rid of dad, she could come over for a romantic dinner, or, something. I'd just need to cook something. Which would be a total disaster. I was screwed. Maybe it was better to just, let her forget?

I didn't really want to think about it, but within moments of trying to distract myself, I was back to racking my brain into thinking what I could do for Bella. Bella wasn't the type to like flashy things - thank God, so it was down to something simple and heartfelt. I guess proposing would be a bit much? Not that I was seriously thinking of _that_ just yet. Simple and heartfelt. That would be it.

I slept on it, figuring that in the morning I'd have a far better idea on what to do. Though, that was a pretty stupid idea. When I did wake up in the morning, all the previous ideas I had were gone, and I could just remember the words "simple and heartfelt," which didn't really mean much to me at eight in the morning. I probably should have asked my dad, or Charlie, about what girls like to receive on anniversaries. I guess there was the given - candy and flowers. So I got up and examined the few stores around town, none of them really had anything I was looking for. At least nothing in my price range. So I figured nobody would miss a few flowers from their garden, and if they did, to hell with them. So I had the flowers all figured out, I wrapped them quickly in cling wrap and tried to make them look professional. As for the candy, well, I hadn't really had any luck with that. It was a shame boxes of candy didn't grow in random people's garden's like the flowers did. Oh well, can't win all the time, right?

I got back home and called Bella. I was still really unsure of what to do today, and tonight, I'd half promised her something fun. She thought we were going out. This is what sucked about living in a crumby place like La Push.  
"Hey Bells," I said, when she finally answered the phone. Had I woken her?  
"Hey Jake," she responded. Yep, she sounded pretty tired. "  
Sorry if I woke you," I thought I should say. She made a noise.  
"S'ok. So what are we doing today?" she asked, perking up a little.  
"Well, I'm gunna come round and see you in a little bit, then you have the whole day to yourself, until later, when I'll come and pick you up," I said, trying not to hesitate. I didn't exactly want to give anything away - since I didn't HAVE anything to give away.  
"Oh okay then," she said, sounding curious. I waited, expecting more. "So, what are we doing tonight?" Yep. I knew she couldn't help herself.  
"It's a surprise," I replied, laughing softly to myself. Bella was so cute sometimes, and I heard her let out a little moan.  
"I don't like surprises," she reminded me, and although I knew that, it had to be a surprise. I didn't know what it was yet!  
"I'm sorry honey," I responded, grinning to myself. "I'll see you in a tick, okay?"  
"Mm alright," she said, and we hung up. I got into my car, placed my hand picked flowers on the seat beside me as carefully as I could, and drove off towards Forks to see Bella.  
Happy one month anniversary… assuming I don't screw up.


	24. Chapter 24: A Whole Month

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own any characters, places, etc.**

**Author's Note** Sorry if it's OOT/OOC. I know, I say that every chapter these days lol. I really hope you like this chapter !! This day is going to be reaching out through a few chapters, lol, so just bear with me !! :D  
Review kindly? :)

BELLA

_I woke up to the phone ringing. Who could be calling this early? I rushed downstairs in case it was important, but I heard Jacob's voice answer me.  
"Hey Bells," he said cheerfully.  
"Hey Jake," I tried to sound more awake than what I probably did.  
"Sorry if I woke you," he said, and I groaned.  
"S'ok. So what are we doing today?" I asked, suddenly remembering. I had to admit, I was curious.  
"Well, I'm gunna come around and see you in a little bit, then you have the whole day to yourself, until later, when I'll come and pick you up," he said in one long sentence. He sounded a little nervous about it. The whole day to myself? That was a change.  
"Oh okay then," I replied. I waited, trying not to sound too excited. "So what are we doing tonight?"  
"It's a surprise," he said, and I heard him laugh. I let out a moan.  
"I don't like surprises," I said then. It was true, I hated surprises.  
"I'm sorry honey," he responded, and it sounded as though he wanted to laugh at me again. I really did not want a surprise.  
"I'll see you in a tick, okay?"  
"Mm alright," I sighed, and we hung up then.  
_  
I rushed upstairs to get ready, having a quick shower and brushing my teeth. What could Jacob be doing all day? I went back downstairs, and I considered having breakfast, though decided not to. He'd be here in any minute, and it sounded as though he wasn't planning on staying very long. I heard his car pull up outside, and opened the door to him.  
"Hey honey," he said, leaning in and kissing me lightly on the lips. He pushed a small bunch of flowers into my hands, looking away from me, embarrassed. There were a few random flowers, all bunched together with cling rap, and it looked as though there were still roots attached at the end. Had he picked these out of the ground?  
"Oh, thanks?" I said, and he looked up at my bashfully.  
"Sorry I couldn't buy you any, I'm a little short," he replied, shifting on his weight. I was a little confused.  
"Ah, that's alright. Um -" I began, but he stopped me.  
"Oh, right, um, happy anniversary," he explained. What anniversary?  
"Anniversary?" I asked, feeling a little bad. How long had we'd been dating?  
"One month," he answered my silent question. A whole month? Already? I felt terrible then; I hadn't even been paying attention to how long we've been together for. But Jacob knew, and he'd brought my flowers - even if he'd stolen them from somebody's garden. I was touched.  
"I'm sorry Jake," I said, wrapping my arms around him. When I realised we were still standing at the doorway, I pulled him in.  
I pushed him lightly against the closed door and kissed him, and I felt his arms slide around my waist, pulling me in.  
This explained why he was being so secretive.

He finally let me go to put his flowers in some water, but he hovered by the doorway. I hurried back to his arms, curious as to what he had planned for tonight. He pulled me into his arms and kissed me hotly.  
"So give me a clue about tonight!" I demanded, hitting him lightly on the chest. He just laughed at me.  
"Nope, it's a surprise!" he grinned down at me, tightening his grip on my waist.  
"Oh come on!" I pressed. He just shook his head, trying to hide a smile.  
"No, you have to be good until tonight, okay Bells," he kissed my forehead, and let me go.  
"So I have to wait until tonight?" I asked. I was a little disappointed we wouldn't be spending more time together during the day. I was scared that he was organising something complex and amazing; I didn't want anything like that from Jacob. I knew he didn't have money, I would have been happy to just spend the day with him.  
"Yep, sorry honey," he said, opening the door. I pulled my arms around him from behind, my hands resting on his stomach. He laughed again.  
"Don't go," I said, resting my head against his back. I heard him sigh. I had never really been overly affectionate with Jacob before, so this was probably a bit new to him. But, after all this time, I'd really grown attached to him. I didn't want to be apart from him anymore. I just wanted him to stay with me.  
"I have to, honey. I don't want you getting sick of me," he said, not moving. I kept my arms around him, sighing myself.  
"I could never get sick of you, Jake," I whispered back, so I don't know if he heard me. He stayed silent, but placed his hands over mine.  
"I'll be back tonight Bells," he said, taking my hands and turning to face me, kissing me slowly. I wondered how I could have ever deserved someone like Jacob. He was so patient with me.  
We stayed like that for a while, I just let him kiss me, but eventually he broke away.

"No," I protested, trying to kiss him again. I won. He kissed me again.  
"Come on Bells, don't you want me to give you a surprise?" he asked, but I just shook my head and pressed my lips against his.  
"Alright, alright. I'll stay, for half an hour, or so, okay?" he offered, though he looked a little worried. I nodded, and pulled him back inside.  
We sat on the couch for a little, and he pulled me up onto his lap. He kissed me softly again, holding me there tightly.  
"Please just give me a clue. At least help me out with what to wear?" I asked. Our faces matched, and he smiled nervously.  
"Wear whatever you want. But um, just out of curiosity, what do you think the surprise is?" he asked, leaning his head back onto the couch. I thought for a moment. I didn't really have an idea of what it could be. He was being very secretive with it. Honestly, I'd be happy if it was just going down to the beach for a bon-fire or something.  
"Um, movies?" I suggested. I figured that he would probably WANT to do something with money, or, something like that, so that's what I realised I should probably expect. Although, I just wanted some alone time with him. I saw him raise his eyebrows.  
"The movies? Bella, that's _so_ lame," he scoffed, rolling his eyes.  
"Well, I don't know," I replied. Jacob was an idiot - how could I know what was going on in his head?  
"What do you want it to be?" he asked, looking up. I shrugged, and he sighed. "Come on, Bells."  
He didn't have anything planned. I'll bet any amount of money on that. I couldn't help but grin.

"I just want to spend time with you, Jake. Just, us time," I replied. If he hadn't thought of anything yet, then I could control this. I'd talk him out of doing anything too flashy.  
"Well, good, because it will be just us," he smiled back. He kept changing his mind! Did he have an idea, or not? He'd sounded so sure all morning, but as soon as I wouldn't guess, it seemed like he had nothing. Now he was all certain again!  
"Just us?" I asked. I really did want it to be just us; I didn't care where, all I knew is that I didn't want to be around anyone else. Just with Jacob.  
"Just. Us. All night," he agreed, kissing me lightly before pushing me lightly off. He stood up and took my hands, pulling me up with him.  
"All night?" I asked, confused. Uh, I don't think so! He had better not be thinking what I was thinking - just no! After one month, I wasn't ready for that! And I doubted Charlie would be agreeable.  
"Don't worry, I already got my dad to talk to Charlie. He's cool with it all," he explained, reading my thoughts. Or my expression. Was I that obvious?

He left soon after, making me wonder what the hell was actually going on. Either Jacob had absolutely no idea and was trying to confuse me, or he was a lot smarter than I gave him credit for. Either way, I was a little nervous.  
Jacob and I would be spending the whole night together, all _alone._


	25. Chapter 25: It's Not All About Hormones

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own any characters, places, etc.**

**Author's Note** Sorry if it's OOT/OOC !! I'm sorry this one is so short, I didn't have a lot of time today because I went to a concert (yayyy! hahaha) and sadly we've been having a lot of trouble with our internet connection for some strange reason !! So HOPEFULLY I'll be able to keep updating like I usually do, but just in case, I'm sorry in advance !! But, please enjoy this chapter, and I promise the next one will be up ASAP !! :D  
Review kindly?? :)

JACOB

I was screwed. I just left Bella's, and I'd made all these weird promises, with no way of keeping them. Okay, so, maybe I'd been a little generous with the whole "stay out all night" promise. That might have been a little bit of an exaggeration. But, surely I could pull off the rest of it? I was pretty confident that I'd be able to make it just the two of us, though. Even if it was something crumby like a movie.  
I was really hating myself at the moment for not thinking of anything sooner. It had sort of snuck up on me, and now when I looked at the time, the day was getting away from me. I'd been so confident that I could think of something amazing to do for her yesterday.

But maybe that was just it. Maybe it didn't have to be amazing. Maybe it just had to be - us. Like she'd said.

But, thinking seriously about it for a moment, would she really be okay with just hanging out at the beach all night? I mean, I would be, but, is that what she wanted? I suppose, it wasn't like it was our one year anniversary or something. It was just a month. I'm sure she wasn't expecting something overly spectacular. I guess hanging out with her wouldn't be too bad. But the beach was so cliché. I hated myself for even thinking that.

When I got home, I searched the kitchen for something to eat that night. I had to take care of a meal, since I was picking her up fairly early. Nothing. There was nothing in my kitchen. Well, nothing I knew how to make. I guessed it would have to be something lame like pizza. But that was something I was certain that she liked, so it would do.

The rest of the day seemed to go slowly, probably because I was actually nervous about tonight. I knew that Edward had been pretty well off when it came to money, so she was probably used to receiving wonderful gifts and going on great dates. I didn't want to disappoint her. I know she'd said she would be happy as long as it was just the two of us, but I couldn't help but be a bit freaked out by her expectations. I didn't have a nice car to drive her out to Port Angeles or even to Seattle, and I didn't have money to buy her fancy presents or pay for expensive meals. Compared to Edward, I was probably a terrible boyfriend.

I figured it was probably a good idea to ask my dad about tonight. Maybe he'd be able to help me, seeing as though he had to have gotten with my mother somehow! Besides, I'd exaggerated the whole "staying out all night" promise, and I should probably change that a bit. Obviously I didn't mean _all_ night, right? Bella would get that, right? I hoped she didn't think I meant anything perverted.

"Dad?" I asked, sitting down beside him.  
"Yeah?" he replied, not seeming interested. I hesitated. I boasted to my dad a lot when I finally got with Bella, but, now that I was uncertain about it, I wasn't sure if I should ask him.  
"I'm taking Bella on a date tonight, um -" I began, but he stopped me.  
"I don't care if you do it here, just don't wake me, or use the couch, oh and be careful, you don't want her pregnant, oh and -"  
"Dad, no!" I hid my face, stopping him. I really did not want to talk about _that_! As much as I wanted to do _that_ with Bella, I didn't want - or have - to ask my dad for permission. That was the last thing on my mind, well, maybe not exactly, but I wasn't that hormone driven that sex was all I was thinking about.  
"Well what?" he asked, looking a little confused. I sighed.  
"I was going to ask for some advice with tonight," I explained. He shifted slightly.  
"Oh. Well, the obvious stuff, being yourself, that kinda stuff. And um, yeah," he said, looking a little uneasy. Didn't he have any good tricks?  
"Great, thanks dad," I replied sarcastically, rolling my eyes.  
"Well what do you want. You have protection right?" he asked. Oh my God!  
"Dad, it's not about that," I sighed, but he just raised his eyebrows. "Yeah I do, dad."

Obviously, I didn't think they would be needed. But I'd gotten my hands on a few, especially after Bella had been all over me in my bedroom, I realised I had nothing. And I didn't want to get Bella pregnant if we actually did go through with that. Not that I thought we would actually do it. But still, if Bella changed her mind and began making out with me in the back of the Rabbit, well, I'd be prepared if she wanted more than just that.

God, what was I thinking? Bella isn't that kind of a girl. My dad wasn't going to be any help, so I decided to go and find something nice to wear. I didn't really have anything "nice," so I just threw on some of my cleaner cloths. I brushed my hair quickly through my fingers, and tied it up tightly at the back of my head, I wanted to look clean for her.  
Eventually, it was time for me to leave.  
"Knock her dead, Jake," my dad said as I was leaving. I grimaced.  
"Thanks, dad," I replied, hovering by the doorway. I was nervous. I'd go pick up a pizza first, and then head right over to her place. But I took the plunge, and drove off towards Forks.  
Maybe she'd be disappointed, and I was ready if she was. But it was what she wanted, it was just the two of us. That's all I really wanted, too.


	26. Chapter 26: Our Date

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own any characters, places, etc.**

**Author's Note** Waaa sorry for taking so long. And sorry if my characters are OOT/OOC! I'd like to thank you all for the lovely reviews as well, and I'm really happy a lot of people think that I've kept to the characters well, so THANK YOU!! :D  
I hope you enjoy this chapterrrr. Review kindly? :)

Bella

I stared at myself in the mirror. I'd tried on just about everything I owned, and nothing seemed to look good. I wanted to look, nice, for Jacob tonight. No, not just nice. I wanted to look beautiful. But nothing seemed to create that illusion. I settled on a newer pair of jeans and a fitted black top. I stabbed myself a few times in the eye trying to apply eyeliner, and brushed my hair through a few times. I was as ready as I was going to be.  
"Bella, Jacob's here," I heard Charlie call out to me. God, he was here already? I sighed, and walked to the bottom of the staircase. Charlie was standing against the doorframe, his arms crossed with a smug look on his face. Jacob was hovering awkwardly by the door. His hair was tied up and he looked less scruffy than usual. He grinned over at me when he saw me, and leant forward to kiss me lightly on the cheek.  
"Hey Bells," he whispered softly in my ear, taking my hand.  
"Bye dad," I said, pushing Jacob out the door as quickly as I could before Charlie had a chance to lecture us.

Jacob opened the car door for me, and I instantly smelt pizza. Did Jacob already eat something? I glanced across the backseat, and sure enough, there was a box of pizza sitting there.  
"Pizza?" I asked, looking at him confused as he got into the driver's seat.  
"Oh, well, it's all I could afford," he replied, looking a little embarrassed.  
"Great, I love pizza!" I replied enthusiastically. Whatever we were doing tonight, I would let him know just how much fun I was having. I had a feeling that Jacob felt a bit inferior, so I had to let him know I was happy.  
"Great," he grinned in response.

We drove off to La Push, down a few streets I didn't recognise. It was getting dark, and it was unseasonably clear out. Jacob pulled up on the side of the road out of nowhere, and handed me a handkerchief.  
"What's this for?" I asked, holding it up.  
"It's a blindfold," he said, taking it from my hands again and pulling it over my eyes and tying it up.  
"Uh…?" Okay, I was feeling a little scared now. He just kissed my cheek again and started driving again. I felt pretty stupid sitting here with a blindfold on.  
"I know you hate surprises, but I think you'll like this one," he laughed, and gripped my hand. Soon after, he pulled over again and cut the engine.  
"Jake?" I asked, bringing my hand up to the blindfold.  
"No, no, not yet. Just wait here for a second, okay!" he said enthusiastically, and I heard him get out of the car, and shut the door.  
"Oh, and no peaking," I heard him say sternly. Damn, how did he always know what I was thinking before I did?

I waited for a moment, and I heard him open my door. I felt his arms slide around me and help me up, holding me around the shoulder and edging me slowly forward.  
"Can I take it off now?" I complained, feeling nervous. I could feel a cool wind, we were outdoors somewhere.  
"Just a little closer," he whispered beside me, and after a few more steps, we suddenly stopped.  
"Here?" I asked, feeling his arms drape completely around me from behind, pulling me into his body.  
"Here," he breathed in my ear, and he brought his hands up to slowly untie the blindfold. He put his arms around me again, and all I could see was the ocean and the sky.  
I forgot to breath for a moment; it was perfect. I could only just make out where the sky met the water, the stars glittering faintly in the still-light sky. The cliff where the others had been cliff-diving. I looked down in front of me, there was a blanket thrown across the ground clumsily.  
"Jacob?" I asked, turning around to look at me. He just kissed me softly on the lips, pulling my body around so I was facing him.  
"Do you like it?" he asked, looking down at me softly. He looked a little nervous, so I kissed him gently again.  
"I love it, it's so beautiful," I replied, turning away from him again to look out across the ocean. It really was beautiful. This was better than any gift Jacob could give me.  
"I knew you would," he sighed. I turned back to look out in front of us, he wrapped his arms around me again and we stayed like that for a moment.

It was when Jacob did things like this, it made me so happy that I was in love with him, and that he was in love with me, too. I don't know how I ever deserved someone as special as him, even after how terribly I'd treated him. He knew I didn't want anything complex and expensive, and that's exactly what he did. I wanted to say something to him, anything, but I couldn't find the words to thank him. He eventually pulled me down onto the blanket and threw open the box of pizza. We ate it slowly, and I stayed quiet. I couldn't think of anything to say to Jacob right now. He could be so stupid sometimes, but he had such a beautiful soul. The way he looked at me, so content, would have been unnerving if I wasn't so comfortable around him now. It was as though all of a sudden, because of tonight, every wall had come down and we could finally be completely comfortable with one another. I wanted Jacob to know everything about me, and I wanted to know everything about him. I had no secrets I wanted to hide from him.

Except of course, Edward's secret.

That was a different story. Jacob had been the one to tell me about the Cullen's in the first place, but he had no idea that his tribe's scary stories were real. How could I ever tell him that? How could I ever say: "Oh, yeah Jacob? Yeah, my ex boyfriend was a vampire. Just thought you should know."  
I think he'd think I was going crazy. Or he was going crazy. So, I decided to bury that secret deep inside of me, it didn't have to effect Jacob and I. That was Edward's secret, not mine, and so I had no right to tell Jacob.

"Bella?" Jacob asked, breaking my train of thought. I smiled over at him.  
"Mm?" I asked.  
"You're being a bit quiet, is everything okay?" he asked. He did look a little worried. We'd finished our pizza now, and he'd cleaned up, and I'd just sat here uselessly.  
"I'm sorry Jake," I sighed. He inched closer to me and put his arms around me, pulling me down so my head was in his lap and I was lying on my back, looking up at him.  
"I'm sorry I couldn't do something amazing for you, but -"  
"This _is_ amazing," I insisted, stopping him before he could say anything else. He just smiled, and smoothed my hair down softly with his hand.  
"This has been the best month of my life, Bella," he said quietly. I wanted to sit up and hold him, but I just stayed there. I ran one hand up his chest and to his face, resting on his warm cheek, and pulled his face down slowly so that he could kiss me.  
"Me too," I whispered, looking up into his eyes. He didn't smile, but he had a very serious look on his face.  
"I love you," he said simply, and that's all I needed from him. Its all I'll ever need from Jacob.  
"I love you more," I replied, grinning up at him. He rolled his eyes.  
"Bella, I doubt that I could ever make you love me as much as I love you," he scoffed. He really didn't know just how much I needed him. He thought this was just a silly little crush for me, didn't he? I sat up, but he was smiling softly. Even _sadly_.  
I didn't know what I could do to make him understand just how much I loved him, how much I wanted him, how much I really did need him. I pulled him close to me and kissed him on the mouth; fast and hot, and didn't break away until he did.  
"I love you more than you think, Jacob," I whispered, breathless.  
I loved him more than I ever thought I would.


	27. Chapter 27: Happy Anniversary, Jacob

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own any characters, places, etc.**

**Author's Note** Mehhh sorry if my characters are OOC/OOT! I'm also sorry for the delay, usually I upload too much haha. I've been out getting christmas presents for everyone, lol, which takes foreverrrr. So I hope you all enjoy this chapter. :D  
Kindly review? :)

Bella

"Honey, it's getting late," I heard Jacob whisper to me. I was lying beside him, our heads resting against each others, staring up at the stars. He held my hand tightly within his, and I felt his head shift and his lips press against the side of my head.  
"No," I complained, shifting my whole body so I was lying on my side, and I reached my hand up across his chest.  
"You don't want Charlie grounding you, do you?" he asked. I couldn't help but smile. I pulled myself up and kissed his lips, before leaning my head at the top of his chest.  
"Maybe we should go then," I whispered, not meaning that at all. I wanted to stay here forever, watching the stars with Jacob. This was the most wonderful moment of my life, and Jacob was everything I ever wanted. Jacob sat up, pulling me up with him, and laughed."I don't really want to, but, I don't want Charlie to be mad at us," Jacob said, getting to his feet and helping me up. He bundled up the blanket in his arms and threw it into the backseat of the car. We got into the car, and with one last look back at the ocean, we left.

"So, did you have fun?" he asked, glancing at me. I nodded.  
"Best date ever," I responded, and placed a hand on his leg affectionately. He shifted slightly, but smiled.  
"I'm glad," he said, taking one hand off the steering wheel and placing it on my hand, gripping it. We stayed silent for a while, until suddenly the Rabbit began to slow, and we came to a soft stop in the middle of the road.  
"Jake?" I asked, looking at him, confused. He just placed his head in his hands.  
"Crap, I forgot to fuel up," he banged his hands on the steering wheel angrily, and I looked at him, shocked.  
"Jake, it's okay!" I tried to stop him, placing a hand on his shoulder. He stopped then, and looked over at me apologetically.  
"I'm so sorry, Bells," he said, and he looked at me pathetically.  
"So, what are we supposed to do?" I asked, smiling weakly, trying to keep it light. He sighed.  
"I guess we'll have to walk back to my place, I'll take you back to Forks on the bike," he replied, getting out of the car. He walked around and opened the door for me, and helped me out.  
"Okay," I said, not really sure what else to say to him. He pushed me against the car suddenly, kissing me on the mouth softly.  
"Baby I'm so sorry," he said, his lips still lingering against mine. Did he just call me baby? But he kissed me again before I had a chance to consider it any further, and placed his arms around me. I felt his hands wander my back, and I placed my own arms up on his chest.  
"It's okay, Jacob," I managed to breath out between the kiss, and I placed a hand on his face to pull him into me again. If this was his form of an apology, I liked it!

Finally we began to walk back to Jacob's place. It was longer than we'd hoped, and colder. Jacob gripped my hand tightly, glancing at me every so often with that same apologetic look on his face, and he looked worried. He probably thought that he'd ruined our date, and, even though it was cold and tiring, I was still having the best night. It didn't matter what we did, all that mattered was that we were together.  
"You know, I think Charlie will kill you if you take me home on your bike," I joked, nudging him. He thought for a moment.  
"You're right. Maybe you should just stay at my place again," he teased, laughing.  
"Do you want Charlie to murder you tonight?" I asked, raising my eyebrows. He let go of my hand and put his arm around me instead, kissing the side of my head.  
"How else am I supposed to get you home?" he asked, stopping. I shrugged. We were at the end of Jacob's street now.  
"True," I agreed. I suppose if Charlie was going to be mad at anyone, it would be Jacob. And he liked Jacob too much to make me break up with him.

We walked down to Jacob's place slowly, and we went around the back to the garage.  
"Want to come inside?" he asked as he pulled the motorbike out onto the dirt.  
"Oh, no, I should probably be getting home," I responded. If I went inside, he'd probably find a way of talking me into staying there for as long as possible. And I thought the bike might be enough for Charlie to swallow tonight.  
"Alright then," he sighed, and stood upright.  
"Ready to go?"  
"I guess so," I replied, gulping. I'd tried to stay away from the bikes, since I usually heard Edward's voice while riding. I wasn't sure if it would be too much for me to be hanging onto Jacob for dear life, listening to Edward's voice swimming in my head.  
I watched as he pulled himself up onto the bike, and looked over at me.  
"Come on, hop on," he gestured, grinning. I pulled myself onto the bike and he grabbed my arms, wrapping them around his stomach. My body was a little bit too close to Jacob's, and I felt him shiver suddenly.  
"What's wrong?" I asked, shifting a little closer, in case I was doing it wrong. Was I close enough? I certainly felt close enough.  
"Nothing, let's go," he said, and started up the bike.

We sped down the streets, through La Push and back to Forks. I clenched my eyes shut and clung onto Jacob tightly. I waited for the voice; but nothing came. I buried my head against Jacob's neck, still waiting anxiously for Edward's voice. I didn't want to hear it, I didn't want to listen to it. But nothing came. Before I knew it, we'd pulled up outside my place. And surprise, surprise, there was Charlie, his hands on his hips, standing by the front door.

"Crap," I heard Jacob breath, and he helped me off the bike.  
"Bella," I heard Charlie call out. I shot Jacob an apologetic look, and I was almost certain that Charlie was about to embarrass us both.  
"Dad, I -" I began, as we walked up to the porch. I didn't dare look at Jacob now, not so close to Charlie.  
"Get inside, Bella," Charlie said angrily, pointing to the door. He kept his eyes on Jacob though, so I shot him a quick glance, and he was looking at the ground. Ready for punishment. Jacob didn't look up at me as I slunk into the house, watching him, scared. I closed the door behind me, but I waited there, anxious to hear what Charlie was going to say.

"You brought her home on a motorcycle?" I heard Charlie ask. His voice was rough, but he wasn't yelling. Yet.  
"I'm sorry, my car ran out of gas, and I -"  
"Do you know how dangerous those things are. And I know damn well that you don't have a license to ride that thing! You could have killed the both of you!" Okay, now he was yelling. I bit my lip, it was hard to listen to this. I could just imagine, Jacob standing there looking so pathetic with Charlie looming over him.  
"I'm sorry," Jacob stuttered.  
"Does your father know about this? I have a right mind to call him this very instant!" Charlie was trying to keep his voice calm now, softer, probably not wanting to trouble the neighbours. I felt terrible about this, I wanted to go back outside and help Jacob. But I knew my punishment was yet to come.  
"I promise that this was a one off time, I had no other choice, I wanted to get her home safely," Jacob tried to explain, but Charlie stopped him before he could say anymore.  
"You should have called me, Jacob. I would have come and got her," he said, his voice was a lot softer. I could tell he was worried about my safety, but he was talking about me as though I was a piece of meat.  
"I'm sorry," Jacob said again. I could imagine that he was still looking at his feet, and I'm sure he felt terrible.  
"This is the last straw, Jacob. One more stunt like this, and you won't be seeing her for a year," he said angrily.  
"Yes, sir," I heard Jacob mutter. I'd never heard Jacob call my father 'sir' before. That was definitley a first.  
"Now, let's go. I'm not letting you ride that thing home, and I need to let Billy know what's going on," I heard Charlie say, and suddenly I rushed back to hide in the kitchen. I listened as Charlie take his keys down, and call out to me as though I was upstairs.  
"Just giving Jacob a ride home, Bella," he called, still sounding angry.

I felt terrible. Jacob was probably getting an extremely long and annoying lecture on the ride home now, and I'd be getting one as soon as Charlie got home.  
Happy anniversary, Jacob.


	28. Chapter 28: Like I Need Another Lecture

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own any characters, places, etc.**

**Author's Note** Sorry if my characters are OOT/OOC. I watched the movie today.. woo! Hahaha. Anywayssss, I hope you like this chapter. Yes, Charlie is mad, but it's because I know he hates motorbikes hahaha. ;) LOL. But yes, please enjoyyy.  
Review kindly :)

JACOB

I heaved myself into the passenger seat of Charlie's cruiser. This was not how I was planning for our one month anniversary to end. Bella must be so disappointed in me. I did not expect Charlie to get so serious on us all of a sudden. It was just one ride, it wasn't as though I was racing or anything stupid like that. But I thought it better than to argue with a cop, so I just took it. Especially since this cop was Bella's father. When Charlie had threatened to tell my dad, well, that didn't bother me at all. I doubted my dad would really care.  
Charlie got in beside me, staring ahead angrily, and drove off slowly down the road. This was probably going to be the most awkward ride of my life.  
"I could have ridden," I said quietly. I didn't really want to make him angry, but I was wondering what he had planned to do with my bike. He just shifted in his seat, and glanced at me. "You can pick it up from the station," he said, stiffly. "_After _you get a license," he added.  
Great. I wouldn't be able to get a license for, well I wasn't exactly sure, but probably years. Well, I guess I still had Bella's. I decided not to reply to his statement, and so I just sat, hunched over, looking out the passenger window. What could I really say, anyway? Seems like Bella wasn't kidding when she said Charlie would kill me.

I let my mind wander back to the date. I'd really screwed it up. Everything had gone just fine, until I ran out of gas. How could I be that stupid? I'd been so occupied with everything else, I'd totally forgotten about it. Bella must think I'm such an idiot. And to make her walk home like that? What was wrong with me? But I couldn't exactly leave her there on the side of the road in the middle of the night, all alone.  
That led me to think about the bike. Which led me to think about Bella, sitting right behind me, her legs hitched up beside mine, her whole body pressing against mine. Just the feel of her -  
"Jacob," Charlie broke my thoughts, and that was probably a good thing. I shouldn't exactly be having those thoughts about Bella in her father's car.  
"I know you meant well. You just have to be careful with Bella. She's very accident prone," he explained. Was he softening up a little to me? Maybe he felt like he was too hard on me.  
"I know," I replied. She was accident prone. She'd hurt herself a lot when she'd tried to learn to ride, and I had to lie about it, a lot, to Charlie. If he knew that it was because of the bikes, I think he'd seriously stop the car right now, pull me out and shoot me.

He was quiet for the rest of the trip. He followed me up to my front door, and inside.  
"Charlie, what a surprise," my dad said, wheeling into the room. I just stood there, probably looking pathetic, waiting for it to come. Charlie glanced at me, hesitating.  
"Not a good one, I'm afraid," Charlie began.  
"Oh, no, he didn't - Jacob, in Charlie's house?!" my dad glared at me, and I cocked my head to the side. What the hell was the old man talking about?  
"What?" Charlie and I said together, staring at him.  
"Did he and Bella -"  
"NO DAD!" I yelled, not daring a glance at Charlie. If he thought I had the slightest intentions of that, he'd probably never let me near Bella again.  
"What?" Charlie looked at my dad, a worried yet angry look on his face.  
"I thought you caught Jacob, with Bella," he tried to explain, but looking obviously embarrassed that he'd gotten it wrong. Charlie swung around to look at me, but I avoided his gaze. It wasn't too hard to tell what he was fighting to do.  
"No, no, me and Bella, we, no -" I began, but stopped. That should be enough. I didn't want to have this talk with Charlie, especially while he was already so angry with me.  
"We'll deal with this another time," said Charlie, looking tired. "Look, Jacob has a motorbike, did you know about this?"  
"No, I didn't," my dad replied, staring at me now. It was hard to tell what he was thinking. He was probably trying to pretend to look mad, but really he wouldn't care.  
"He gave Bella a ride home, and, well I don't really appreciate that. He should have called me. Motorbikes aren't safe, especially when Jacob doesn't even have his license. I'll return the bike once he has the proper licenses," Charlie explained, grimacing down at my dad. My dad just nodded silently, so Charlie continued. He'd put on his professional voice, it was definitely not a friendly visit. But they seemed to be ignoring me for now, which was fine with me.  
"Jacob has more than just himself to think about now, if anything was to happen to him, well, I don't think Bella would take it very well," Charlie trailed off, looking over at me. He was right. She'd already lost Edward, what would happen if she lost me? I know I could never replace Edward, but, I know I made her happy. She'd only blame herself.

"That's right," my dad agreed, looking at me.  
"Thank you, Charlie. I'll make sure he stays safe with Bella."  
"Thanks Billy. Look, I'm sorry to do this to you. I'm just so worried about Bella. Have a good night, okay," Charlie said, reaching forward to shake my dads hand. My dad smiled faintly, and nodded.  
"Thanks for the lift, Charlie," I said quietly, not sure if I was allowed to speak yet. Charlie just nodded and patted me on the shoulder; he seemed a lot less angry now. Hopefully he wouldn't be too hard on Bella.  
Bella!  
"Please don't blame Bella. She warned me you wouldn't be happy," I said, hoping he wouldn't ground her. In fact, I hoped my dad wouldn't ground me just to show Charlie he was doing some parenting.  
"I'll keep that in mind," Charlie said, before walking out on us and leaving me standing in the room with my dad.

I looked over at my dad. His expression was hard to read, but he looked tired, too. It seemed like being with Bella tonight was so far away, it didn't even feel like the same day.  
"So you had a bike?" my dad asked. I nodded slowly. "Where did you get it?"  
I really didn't want to rat Bella out. Especially since I knew my dad would probably tell Charlie.  
"Embry brought it round, asked me to fix it up. I was planning to return it to him," I explained. That was stupid. That meant I'd need to get the bike back.  
"What's he going to think now that you don't have it?" he asked. I shrugged.  
"He'll live. It was just something to do to fill the time," I replied. He seemed convinced, and he wasn't angry at all. He suddenly smiled.  
"So how was the date?" he asked. Instantly my mind wandered back to the bike, her body pressed against me, all warm and soft. Every one of Bella's curves against my back. Her breath on my neck. It was a little too much to think about. In fact, I think it was worth the whole lecture from Charlie. I'd do it again.  
"Good, aside from running out of gas," I replied. My dad let out a booming laugh. I really wish I wasn't so stupid sometimes.  
"Don't worry Jake, everyone makes mistakes," he laughed, though I could tell he was thinking exactly the same thing I was. I just rolled my eyes.  
"I think I'm going to go to bed. It's been a long night," I replied. But really, I couldn't get that memory out of my head.

Even if everything had turned out completely stupid, and I'd been a complete idiot, I knew she loved the date. That's all that really mattered. Oh, and that really, really awesome bike ride. I was just glad Bella didn't know that I was thinking about her curves right about now. Since she'd probably kill me. Bella was more like Charlie than she thought.


	29. Chapter 29: Wanting

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own any characters, places, etc.**

**Author's Note** I know, I know.. OOC/OOT! Lols. Thanks to everyone, again, for all the reviews! :D I hope you enjoy this chapter, and I'm going to write the next chapter tonight at work LOL. (I earn my paycheck ;) haha)  
Review kindly :)

I was sitting cross-legged on my bed when I heard Charlie's cruiser pull up outside. I sighed and glanced out the window, watching as Charlie made his way up the path to the front door. I jumped back down onto my bed, lying down with my head in my pillow, trying to make it look like I'd been asleep, or waiting, I wasn't sure which would be easier.  
"Bella, are you awake?" I heard Charlie call from the staircase as he came towards my door. I sat up, tried to look tired, tried to look sad, and called back out to him.  
"Yeah," I couldn't think of anything else to say. He entered my room quietly, looking across at me from the doorway. He didn't say anything, so I thought I'd ask him what I'd been thinking the whole time.  
"Am I grounded?" I asked, gulping. I didn't really want the night to end this way, and I waited for the answer before I asked what happened to Jacob.  
"No, I know it wasn't your fault. You're not grounded," he replied. He looked a lot calmer than before, maybe Billy had convinced him that the bike had been safe, that Jacob had my best intentions at heart. Charlie couldn't be _that_ mad at Jacob after all.  
"And Jacob -"  
"I'm sure he'll explain it to you in the morning," he said uncomfortably. It almost sounded as though he'd regretted yelling at Jacob. He looked down at me with that same worried look he always had after Edward left, right after, and I felt bad.  
"I'm sorry, dad," I said, suddenly. I know he's worried about me, and I always seem to be getting myself hurt one way or another, so I couldn't blame him for being so protective. What else could I really expect? Charlie just walked ahead and kissed my forehead softly; something I didn't expect.  
"I just want you to be safe," he said quietly, before walking out on me. So I wasn't grounded. He wasn't mad at me. Jacob was actually allowed to see me. And Charlie was kissing me goodnight.  
What was going on? I went to bed absolutely confused, but I slept soundlessly. I dreamt of the cliff, Jacob smiling at me under the stars.

When I woke up, I remembered that school would be starting any day now. I'd completely forgotten, and really, I dreaded going back. I hadn't really spoken to anyone from school over the holidays, and I could imagine what they were all thinking about me and Jacob. I cleaned myself up and went downstairs to eat breakfast.

I thought back to the night before, I hadn't really had a chance to remember everything. The way Jacob looked under the starlight, the way he kissed me, the way he held me close to him and told me he loved me. It was all so perfect. When Edward left, I never thought I'd be happy again. I never thought I would love anybody again. And I never thought that person would be Jacob. It did come as a shock when I realised I was in love with Jacob of all people, but, it felt so right that I couldn't deny it.

I decided to call Jacob, wondering what had happened after Charlie left.  
"Hello?" I heard his voice, sounding tired. Had I woken him?  
"Hi, Jake," I breathed, relieved to hear his voice.  
"Oh hey Bells!" he replied enthusiastically. I had so many questions.  
"How are you?" I asked cautiously. I guess if I was going to ask questions, I'd start from the beginning.  
"I'm okay, you're not grounded are you?" he asked, he sounded a little scared. I smiled to myself.  
"No, I'm not," I replied.  
"I have to get a bike license. I'm not getting it back til I do," he said, though he sort of sounded as though he was grinning. Did he find it funny?  
"What else?" I asked, a little worried that Charlie had scared Jacob away.  
"Nothing to worry about," he laughed, and I could tell everything was alright. "Want to come over?"  
"Definitely," I replied, without hesitation.  
"Um, so, you're gunna take the truck?" he asked, and I remembered. He had no way of picking me up.  
"Sure," I replied, wanting to laugh. We hung up and I went outside, climbing into my truck and driving off towards La Push.

Jacob answered the door to me quickly, as though he were waiting on the other side. He kissed me quickly on the lips and pulled me inside, his arms wrapping around me. I reached my hands up around his neck to push myself up to kiss him again, and we hovered there for a moment.  
"I'm glad you're not grounded," he said, twisting me around to take my jacket off. He threw it down onto the couch, and sat down himself. He pulled me down into him, my legs stretched out across his lap. His hand rested on my knee, and I relaxed my side into the couch.  
"We have to go back to school soon," I commented, sighing. I felt his hand slide up slowly, stopping at my thigh, and he smiled at me.  
"I'm going to miss seeing you every day," he said, sliding his other hand behind my back. I felt his fingers linger at the edge of my blouse, his warm skin brushing mine slightly when I shifted.  
"I'm going to miss you, too," I replied, placing my hand up onto his chest, edging a little closer. He took that opportunity to move his hand up further on my leg, while his other hand edged up beneath my blouse resting completely on my bare skin. He kept his eyes on me, and I felt myself go red as his hand on my back slid down again, too far, and he pulled me in closer to him so my front was pressing against him. I wanted to pull away, his hand was far too low for my liking, and I could feel my chest pressed against his, my legs bent uncomfortably. I pushed myself off him, so my legs were back in front of me, and I was sitting beside him inside of on him.  
"Bella?" he looked at me, worried he'd done something wrong, I suppose. I felt flushed, and I had to just breathe for a moment.  
"Sorry, I -"  
"It's okay," he said, reaching out to pull me into a half hug. Jacob had been so patient with me; we'd been together a whole month and yet I still couldn't let him hold me as tightly as he wanted, I still couldn't let his hands touch me that way. Aside from that one moment we'd shared in his bedroom. He kissed my cheek softly, before trailing his lips across my jaw line, kissing my neck slowly. My own hands reached up across his neck instinctively, and I felt his hands reach across my back to pull me in again. I supposed that it was that moment in his bedroom that made me so uncomfortable with these sort of situations. Jacob had been the one to stop us, well, stop me.

He lifted my whole body slightly and pulled me onto him, my legs spread over his lap, while he crushed my chest against his; his lips had reached mine again and he was kissing me hotly on the mouth. His hands slid down again to the back of my jeans, pushing lightly, and I broke my face away from his. I kept our stance, and he just looked up at me, those big innocent eyes boring into mine, he looked so fragile. So beautiful.  
I wanted to give him more than I could handle. I wanted to give him everything he wanted from me, but I couldn't. Not yet, it was much, much too soon.  
"I'm sorry, it's just, we're not going to get much time alone once school starts again," he said bashfully, sliding his hands up again. He bit his lip and tried to smile. I was probably all hot and red, I certainly felt it. He looked a little uncomfortable, or too comfortable, I couldn't really tell. I didn't really want to know.  
"We'll have weekends," I reminded him, and he nodded thoughtfully.  
"I suppose so," he said. He didn't look at me for a moment, so I rested my forehead against his.  
"We'll make time, I promise," I whispered, and he pressed his lips against mine, lingering.

I needed Jacob in my life. I'd drive down to La Push every afternoon if I had to, I'd do whatever it took to see him. He was my happiness.


	30. Chapter 30: Repeated Memories

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own any characters, places, etc.**

**Author's Note** OMG I'm back!! Sorry everyone for the wait, but I FINALLY got a charger for my laptop!! I'm sorry if the story is a bit OOT or the characters are a bit OOC, but yeah. And yeah, this chapter is kinda crumby. I'll try to get a better one up soon. (Sadly, as much as I'd love to write a sappy fic with no real storyline, I gotta try to keep this one realistic lolsss!)  
Review kindly :)

Going back to school was harder than I thought it would be. I'd grown used to waking up and heading down to La Push, just hanging around with Jacob all day. He'd have to go back to school as well, I wondered if he would have as hard a time was I would. I got up earlier than I was used to, dressing for school quickly. I dreaded seeing my friends again, I'm sure Mike would be full of questions and hopes about me breaking up with Jacob. Sure enough, as soon as I pulled up in the car park, Mike and the others had spotted me and were already muttering about me, I was sure. I walked up to them, feeling a little guilty for not speaking to them a lot over the vacation. They were all sitting at a table, crowded around.  
"Hi Bella, how was your break?" Mike asked instantly, enthusiastically. I tried to smile, I could tell what he was thinking.  
"Yeah, good. Yours?" I asked, looking around at the whole group. I took a seat on the edge of the table, next to Jessica.  
"It was alright," Jessica said stiffly, but she tried to smile. Nobody else replied, but Mike.  
"Really good. It was a shame we didn't see you though, Bella. But, you were probably too busy, right?" he asked. Great, here it came.  
"Oh, yeah, sort of," I responded, not really wanting to talk about it.  
"Well, we're, sort of -" I began, but stopped. I was, I suppose.  
"Have you kissed?" Jessica grinned, edging a little closer to me. Yeah, of course. I could guess what was going on. I tried to be happy, I tried to smile, but being here at school just reminded me of Edward. I didn't even want to think about Edward anymore, but Jacob didn't belong here, he had no hold over me here, and he had no way of making me happy here. But the way Jessica was smiling at me, as though she was willing to let go my months of ignorance, I had to tell her some details.  
"I'll tell you in class," I muttered, smiling and she giggled.  
"Okay!" she grinned, and with that the bell rang, and we all had to go off to class.

Mike had been cold to me all day after I didn't deny that I was dating Jacob, but I'm sure that he'll get over it. Eventually class with Jessica came, and I was a bit scared. But she just grinned at me as we took our seats, and stared at me.  
"Well?" she asked, waiting. Oh, right - the gossip. She wasn't as annoyed with me as before, and I was relieved. I'm sure we'd be able to be good friends again. I tried to smile at her.  
"What do you want to know?" I asked. She let out a giggle, and thought for a moment.  
"First of all. Who asked who?" she said. I hesitated.  
"Well, nobody really asked. He sort of - told?" I tried to explain. She just gave me a confused look. "Well, he, he told me he wanted to be more than just friends. And then he kissed me, and, yeah," I said. She just smiled.  
"That is SO cute!" she squealed, grabbing my arm. The class was about to start, but she wanted to know a lot more.  
"Do you see each other every day?"  
"Most of the time, uh -" I tried to make Jessica focus on the class, but she ignored me.  
"And have you, you know, done anything else?" she asked with a sly smile. It wasn't hard to guess what she was implying, and I felt my face go red. I thought about those moments in Jacob's room when we almost - just thinking about it was too much.  
"No!" I answered too quickly, and she looked suspicious.  
"Came close, though?" she asked, reading my thoughts. I shook my head.  
"No, Jacob isn't that kind of boy. We've only been dating a month," I replied, not looking at her.  
"A month?! And he still hasn't tried to -? Wow, he's a keeper!" she grinned, hitting my arm lightly. I smiled half-heartedly. Yes, he had tried to. On more than one occasion, really. If you counted yesterday.  
"Yeah," I breathed, trying to pay attention to class. I didn't know what else to tell her.

Lunchtime was just as difficult. Even though everyone left me to my thoughts, and subconsciously, I couldn't help but glancing over at the usual empty table that once belonged to the Cullen's. I couldn't help but imagine them sitting there, watching me, just like they had been when I first came here. School without the Cullen's, without Edward, didn't feel like school at all. Not how it used to be. But I tried not to think about them.

School eventually finished, much to my relief, and I made my way home. I wanted to just crawl into bed and fall asleep, but I missed Jacob. The first day back at school had been hard, full of memories of Edward, and I needed to feel happy again. I fell onto my bed, burying my head in my pillow. I wasn't sure if I fell asleep or not, but when I opened my eyes I could hear the phone ringing downstairs. I jumped up and rushed to answer it, and just as I imagined, Jacob answered me on the other end.  
"Hey baby, how was school?" he asked, sounding tired. Baby? Again, I chose to ignore that comment.  
"Tiring, you?" I asked. He sighed.  
"About the same. Too tired for me to come over?" he asked.  
"What about your car?" I asked. Didn't he still have no gas?  
"It's alright now, don't worry," he said, sounding embarrassed. Maybe I shouldn't brought that up.  
"Sure, come by for a while," I said, smiling. Seeing Jacob would make me forget about how awful school was, and hopefully in time, my memories of the Cullen's would disappear just as they had, and I could be happy again. In a way, I was already feeling guilty about thinking of them. Missing Edward made me feel as though I was betraying Jacob, and I noticed when I was telling Jessica about Jacob and I, I felt as though I was betraying Edward. I think school was going to drive me crazy.

Before I knew it, Jacob was at my front door, and he looked just as tired as I felt.  
"Tired?" he asked, grinning. I nodded. I must have looked just as bad. He walked in beside me and kissed me gently on the forehead before making his way into the lounge room and collapsing onto the couch. I sat down beside him as he switched the television on, and within moments of small talk, he was snoring. How did he find it so easy to fall asleep, and how did he manage to keep his grip on my arm while he was unconscious? I tried to break free but his heavy arm around my body stopped me going anywhere, so instead I just rested my head on his shoulder and tried to relax. I could have fallen asleep myself, but I fought to stay awake. Charlie would be home soon, and I didn't want him finding me and Jacob asleep on the couch again. It was embarrassing enough the first time.  
I reminded myself then that as soon as Jacob had arrived, all the thoughts I had about Edward and the rest of the Cullen's had vanished just as I'd hoped, and I didn't feel guilty anymore. But I knew that as soon as I went back to school tomorrow, everything would change all over again.


	31. Chapter 31: Back To The Drawing Board

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own any characters, places, etc.**

**Author's Note** Waa sorry it's short, and I haven't posted in a little while, and it's not the best chapter. *Annoyed at myself* LOL.. stupid new years has gotten in the way! Which, reminds me.. HAPPY NEW YEAR :D lol. I hope everyone had a good one!! .. Anyway, I hope you like this one and I'll try to get the next chap up realllllly soon!!  
Review kindly :)

BELLA

Just as I'd expected, school was torture all over again. The memory of the Cullen's was everywhere, and it caught me around every corner, just as I thought I was escaping them. And sure enough, my thoughts of Jacob were pushed to the back of my head and the overwhelming feeling of sadness filled that space. All I did was feel guilty and sad, for both sides of myself. I didn't want it to be this hard.

Being at home didn't even feel the same anymore, it was oozing with the Cullen's all over again, but maybe that was because Jacob wasn't here. I sat at the kitchen table waiting for Charlie to get home, wondering maybe if it would be like this forever. Maybe the Cullen's would haunt me forever unless Jacob was there to fight off their shadows, maybe Edward would always hold my heart, and Jacob's warmth just made me forget that temporarily. Thinking that way made me remember that night I'd tried to force myself on Jacob - it was all because of Edward. I'd let myself forget that particular memory, the fact that Edward had crept into my room all over again and tried to kiss me, tried to rekindle those desperate feelings I had for him earlier. But it hadn't worked. I'd turned him down, I'd gone back to Jacob, and I'd ignored the fact that Edward still existed somewhere.

But where was Edward now? I never discovered what had happened to him.

Regardless, I don't think it mattered. The fact this his memory was still haunting me was enough to frighten me, and I wondered if Jacob had a clue. Before I had a chance to even think about that further, Charlie came walking through the front door. I waited for him to complete his ritual before walking into the kitchen, I handed him a beer that I'd just pulled out for him.  
"Thanks Bells," he said, opening it and taking a long sip.  
"Long day?" I asked. He just sighed and gave me a look as if to say: _You don't know the half of it. _I know exactly what you mean, Charlie. He pottered around for a moment before taking the seat opposite me, before letting out another sigh.  
"Where's Jacob?" he asked, looking behind him as if to expect Jacob to suddenly appear. I wanted to shrug.  
"Oh, well, I guess he's at home," I replied. Good question, Charlie. Where was Jacob?  
"You guys are okay, right?" he asked. He suddenly stiffened, and he seemed uncomfortable.  
"We're fine, I'm sure he's just tired from school," I replied. Secretly, I felt a little upset with Jacob that he hadn't called me. Charlie looked relieved, so I decided to go upstairs to do some homework.

I checked my email first, replying to Renee quickly. She'd asked a number of what would have been evasive questions if it were anyone but her about Jacob and mine's relationship, but I chose only a few of the more tasteful questions to answer. I'd had the sex talk a long time ago, and I wasn't really thrilled to be answering those sort of questions via email. Or in any manner, really. Half way through my email, I heard the phone ring. Then I heard Charlie call my name. Of course. Did anybody else ever call here? I half-ran downstairs and tried not to snatch the receiver from Charlie's hands, anxious to hear Jacob's voice.  
"Hello?" I asked uncertainly, praying it was indeed Jacob.  
"Hey honey," he responded, sounding tired. Suddenly, I was annoyed. Why was he calling so late?  
"How was school?" I asked, tiptoeing around the question. I didn't want to come out and ask him directly. That would seem clingy, and weird. I couldn't be like that with Jacob.  
"Um, tiring," he said with a laugh, and I tried to laugh too. "You?" Damn, he was changing the subject.  
"Tiring as well," I lied. It was more sad than tiring. I was about to say something else, but he talked before I had a chance.  
"I had detention. I didn't do my homework," he explained, and it sounded as though he was smiling. Didn't he understand how important it was for me to see him? Did he think this was all a big joke? I tried not to overreact, but, I just felt so sad about school, I needed his arms around me.  
"Oh," I tried to laugh, but it didn't come. He must have realised something was up, because his tone suddenly changed.  
"I'm sorry," he said quietly. I just shook my head to myself.  
"No, it's okay," I replied, but I must have sounded needy.  
"Do you want me to come over?" he asked, his voice sounded almost patronising. But that was just Jacob. I smiled. Yes, I did want him to come over. But I didn't want to be needy, and I really didn't want to need Jacob just to chase away memories of Edward.  
"Yes," I answered without thinking, and within moments we were off the phone and I was waiting impatiently in the lounge room for him.

"Jacob coming over?" Charlie asked, noticing me glancing at the door every few seconds. I nodded silently, not looking at him.  
"Have you, talked to your mum?" he asked. I turned around.  
"What do you mean?" I asked.  
"Well, does she know about you and Jacob?"  
"Yeah, she does," I replied. I shrugged. I really hoped he wasn't trying to give me the sex talk again.  
"Good, that's good," he said, looking back to the television. "And do -"  
Thankfully, Jacob's knocking interrupted whatever Charlie was going to say. I lunged to the door and opened it, pulling Jacob inside. I wanted to throw my arms around him but reminded myself that Charlie was still sitting there, and so instead after a rushed greeting between the two, I pulled him into the kitchen. I pushed myself up and wrapped my arms around his neck, planting an urgent kiss on his lips. He broke away from me after a moment, smiling softly.  
"Whoa, what's the matter, Bells?" he asked, looking down at me with only slight concern. I wanted to tell him about the memories, about the hurt, about how much I needed him with me. Instead I just kissed him again, and this time he didn't object until I broke away to breathe.  
"Bella?" he was a little more concerned now, I could tell. His hand reached up to touch my face, and he held me there for a moment.  
"I'm sorry," I whispered, not wanting to look at him. I felt bad enough for the memories, now I was feeling worse for not being able to find the words to tell him about it all. How could I tell him? What would he think?  
"What is it?" he asked. He was being so perfect, so lovely, I didn't want to hurt him.  
"It's -" I stopped, I couldn't find the words, they were stuck in my mouth. He urged me silently on, but I just said nothing.  
How could I? How could I do this to Jacob, after everything? How could I tell him that I needed him to chase away stale memories - he would think that was all I needed him for. He would think I'm using him. He would think the very worst of me.


	32. Chapter 32: I Shouldn't Be Surprised

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own any characters, places, etc.**

****Author's Note** Sorry it's so short, and probably not very good. This fanfic is actually COMING TO AN END!!! I'd say, maybe, two more chapters?? I'm writing a sequel to it, though, which will be a hell of a lot better, and I know you'll like it a lot more! :D OH AND IS EVERYONE EXCITED THAT TAYLOR LAUTNER IS PLAYING JACOB IN NEW MOON!! I KNOW I AM LOLLL. :D**

**So anyways, review kindly, and keep on the watch for the next one :P  
SPOILER::: (By the way, sorry if Jacob seems like a spaz, lol, hopefully it'll make sense a little bit later!!)**

JACOB

"It's - " she stopped mid-sentence. She looked guilty as hell, and I had to admit, my stomach was doing back-flips waiting for her to tell me what was wrong. I gestured for her to continue, but she said nothing.  
"Bella?" I urged her after a while, pulling her back into me as she tried to push me away.  
"Could we maybe, talk outside, please?" she asked, grabbing my hand and leading me back out towards the door.  
"Where are you two off to?" Charlie called, looking around, but Bella hid her face skilfully behind a cascade of hair.  
"Just a walk!" she called back, but her voice was masked badly as she tried to sound cheerful. Charlie gave me a concerned look, but I just shrugged. He knew as well as I did what was going on.

"Bella, what it is?" I asked as soon as we got outside. She just continued to walk, leading me down around her house. She propped herself down on the grass near her house and pulled me down with her.  
"I'm sorry, Jacob," she said quietly. When I looked over at her, she was crying. I put an arm around her, pulling her closer to me. I felt awful. I expected that any moment now, she'd be breaking up with me. After everything, she still couldn't forget about Edward, and I wasn't good enough for her.  
"It's alright," I tried to sooth her, I tried to make her see that I understood. But my voice came out croaky, and she looked up at me.  
"How can you, Jacob?" she asked, looking confused.  
"Are you breaking up with me?" I asked, feeling my lungs want to close up. I would understand. I wouldn't take it out on her, I wouldn't get angry. I'd be okay.  
"What - no!" she replied, angry, pushing away from me. Then what? This was all very confusing. What could possibly be so wrong that she was sitting here, crying in my arms, too guilty to even tell me.  
"Then what, Bella?" I asked. I wanted to be angry with her, but she looked so awful, I couldn't be. I couldn't keep up with her, she was so over the top all the time, but still, I couldn't stay mad.  
"I need you," she said quietly, tears still spilling over her cheeks. Why did she have to be so guilty about that? Why did she have to apologise, why did she have to cry, why did she have to confuse me like this?  
"You need me?" I replied, half in disbelief, but really I had no idea what she was on about.  
"I need you," she confirmed. She didn't say anything else.  
"Bella?" I didn't know what else to say. I was really confused, and I needed her to explain this to me. She must have guessed that, because she went on.  
"I need you, to, make me forget about Edward," she continued. I knew this had to have something to do with Edward. Everything did. We couldn't even go a whole month of being together without having Edward play a major part in our relationship.  
"Edward?" I replied flatly. She nodded fearfully, not looking up at me. I didn't know how to feel suddenly. I wanted to be angry, I wanted to hate her, I wanted to hate Edward, but what could I really do? How could I really react to this? This was nobodies fault.  
"I'm sorry," she said again, but it didn't really mean anything. She had nothing to be sorry for, really.

There was a long silence between us, I didn't really feel like replying to her. I didn't really know what to say, after all. I got to my feet, I had to get out of here. I couldn't spend one more minute of awkward silence between us. I felt her grab my hand and try to pull me back down, looking up at me.  
"Where are you going?" she asked, looking horrified. She was still crying, and I didn't want her to feel bad about all of this. But I did need time to think this over, think about how I could change things, to make them better for the both of us, to get over it. I leant down and kissed her on the forehead.  
"I just need to think," I replied quietly, and instantly wished I hadn't chosen those words. They sounded terrible, it sounded as though I was really mad at Bella. But, then again, maybe I was. Maybe I was mad at her, maybe I wouldn't get over this.  
"Think about what, Jacob?" she cried, shaking her head, still trying to pull me back down.  
"How to make this better for you," I said, trying to sound as calm as possible. I was freaking out. I needed her to let go of me, I needed to get back into my car and drive as far away as possible from this situation, I couldn't look at Bella for one more second while she was like this.

I knew Edward had something to do with this, and I knew he always would. I understood that. It made me think about what had happened with Edward when he'd come back, though, and how cut up I'd been about that. I had tried not to let that effect us, and I'd tried to go on loving Bella. But now everything seemed to be stacking up, and it all felt like one big mess that revolved around Bella and Edward. I felt like I didn't belong. I loved Bella so much, but, how much more of this could I endure for her? I didn't know, I needed to think. I let go of her hand and walked away. I wanted to look back, to make sure she was okay, but I didn't have the heart. If I looked at her again, I might want to forget the whole thing and forgive everything without thinking it over first. I could forgive her, I would forgive her, but - I needed to make sure I understood this all within myself, and I had to truly accept things the way they were, first.

I got into my car and drove away as quickly as I could, not even saying goodbye to Charlie, but I'm sure he would have heard me go. I watched as it began to rain softly, and I wondered if Bella was still sitting outside in the rain. Part of me wanted to go back, make sure she got inside and didn't do something stupid like she did when Edward first left. Although, I doubted she'd have such an awful reaction if I left. I wasn't as special as Edward was, after all.

I did feel guilty about the way I left things. But, I didn't trust myself to think things through with Bella around. I needed to be alone, to truly reflect. Bella had a way of constraining my thoughts, when I was with her I saw only her, and I thought about nothing else. But now, after today, I couldn't help but think:  
Did she really love me, or was she just using me as a way of forgetting about Edward?

I didn't want to think that way regardless, and I did love her, very much. Yet, why was this anger building up inside of me? Slowly, consuming me, all of a sudden. I felt hot, I wanted to yell, to hurt someone. I wanted to hurt Edward. He was the cause of all of this, he was the one who left her in the first place, he was the one that made her the way she is. I was trying to fix her, but he wasn't making it easy. I think I was angry at myself, as well, for letting myself believe that we could all just forget about Edward. How could I think that she'd just simply forget him. 'Out of sight, out of mind' wasn't exactly something that worked well for Bella.  
I was so confused with my own thoughts. One second I felt awful for it all, the next I felt like I was more angry with her than I ever had been in my life, but in the end it all merged together and I just felt hot and sick. I didn't want to think. I didn't want to think about this ever again.


	33. Chapter 33: Aftershock

****Author's Note** Ahh sorry it's been a while, I've been a bit sick... bleh lol. And, I've tried to put more spaces and whatnot in this one, so it's easier to read.. truth is I'm not so flash on the formatting side of things, I think I need an editor lol.. but yeah, please let me know if it's better or worse, or how I could make it better if it is worse!  
But yeah, thanks to everyone who's reading, and thanks for the feedback, it's really helpful!  
**

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own any characters, places, etc etc.**

BELLA

I felt sick. I felt like I couldn't move, I just sat there, sitting, listening to the sounds of Jacob leaving. It was awful. I wasn't sure what had just happened between Jacob and I, I wasn't sure if I'd just ruined everything I had with him. All I knew was that it felt so wrong. The look on his face when I told him this was all about Edward was too much, and I couldn't believe that I'd let myself hurt Jacob so much. All because I couldn't forget about Edward.

The only thing I hadn't wanted Jacob to do was leave, and that seemed to be the only thing he did do. As he walked away, I'd dared to look up at him. He was stalking towards his car, his fists were clenched so tightly I thought he might have hit something. I couldn't even imagine what his face must have looked like - this was the angriest I'd ever seen him.

When I noticed that it was raining, I bundled myself up and returned indoors. Charlie was waiting for me, of course, right beside the door.  
"What's going on? Did he hurt you?" he asked, using his serious voice. He must have noticed Jacob's reactions when he'd left, and I suppose he was worried about his daughter's safety. He put his hands on my shoulders, looking at my face intently, searching for any signs of violence. I shrugged him off me harshly, feeling the tears coming on.  
"No Dad!" I exclaimed, pushing past him and running up the stairs. I slammed my bedroom door behind me and threw myself onto my bed. Jacob would never hurt me, never. I was the one hurting him.

---

I buried my head into my pillows, trying to stop myself from crying. It worked, so I didn't budge for a long time. I'm not sure if I fell asleep or not, but my thoughts, or sleep, were interrupted when I bolted upright to a knock on my door. I didn't answer it, but I realised it was a lot darker outside now.

"Bella?" Charlie called out, knocking again. I didn't want him to worry about me, so I called back.  
"Yeah?" I didn't know what else to say, really. "I ordered pizza, do you want some?" he asked softly. I felt bad, I'd forgotten about cooking Charlie dinner.  
"I'll come down, dad," I responded. I could imagine him hesitating for a small moment behind my closed door before giving up, returning downstairs and waiting for me.

Sure enough, as I entered the kitchen, he was sitting, watching me, waiting for me.

He looked worried. I sat down silently in front of him, waiting for him to ask.  
"Are you alright?" he asked, looking uncomfortable. He had to ask, it was his job, but I just shrugged.  
"I'll be fine," I responded. I didn't want Charlie to have to worry about me and Jake now, I didn't even want to worry about it! I didn't know what was going to happen, but I promised myself that whatever happened, I would be alright. I wouldn't destroy myself the way I did when Edward left. I wouldn't make Jacob feel guilty for hurting me, especially when it wasn't even his fault. I would go on without Jacob, even if I didn't want to.

I stayed on the same piece of pizza the whole night, nibbling at it every now and then. Charlie kept his eyes on me, though.  
"Bit rude of him to just take off like that," Charlie muttered into his pizza. I didn't look up. He was wrong, it wasn't rude, Jacob had every right to leave. I wanted to correct Charlie, but the words wouldn't come. I didn't want him to know how horribly I'd treated Jacob.  
"I don't really want to talk about this," I responded. He sighed.  
"Bells -"  
"Dad, please," I said, and he stopped.

---

We stayed silent for a while, and I could tell what he was thinking. We were both running through the memories of when Edward had first left, the days of lying there, not being able to move, and the nights of haunting nightmares. But that was when I realised, with horror, that things would be far worse this time.

I reminded myself that Edward had left, I didn't have to endure his face at school or hearing his name mentioned casually around. Everyone had been more careful than that. But Jacob wasn't going anywhere.

Sure, if we decided to remain friends afterwards, that would be nice. But if we had one of those awful messy break-ups, well, it would be ten times worse than when Edward left. I would still hear about Jacob, I might even still see him on occasion, if I wasn't careful. But I really didn't want to think about that. I didn't want to break up with Jacob.

"I'm feeling a bit sick, I might go to bed," I murmured. A bit sick was an understatement, I'd never felt sicker in my entire life. Charlie just sighed and gave me that old worried look again, but he didn't object.  
"Alright Bells," he muttered.

I went upstairs and fell into bed again. I tried not to cry, but burying my head in my pillows didn't seem to work anymore. I let the tears spill over and I just cried - I didn't try to stop anymore. I wanted to be optimistic about this, I wanted to be confident that I would talk to Jacob tomorrow and he would be alright with everything, he would tell me he still loves me, and everything would be fine. Even though I wanted all of that, I knew I probably didn't deserve it.

---

I tried to sleep, but sleep wouldn't come. I just laid there, awake, waiting for morning to come. But every time I checked the clock beside my bed, only about five or ten minutes had passed, and I was nowhere near close to sunrise. But another part of me didn't want sunrise to come. Sunrise brought with it possible end of me and Jacob. Not to mention school. I hadn't thought about school until now, at 1:37am. School would be rough, but I told myself that I had to endure it. As much as I wanted to stay home, covered in my blankets, crying, I knew I couldn't. I had to be strong, I had to show Jacob that I'd changed. I didn't want Jacob to feel guilty, I didn't want him to think that he'd done the same thing to me as Edward had.

At about 4am I was woken by howling, possibly from dogs, or wolves, or something; what seemed like right outside my window. I had been asleep, and I had been dreaming. I needed to apologise to Jacob as soon as I could, tell him I was sorry. I was always letting him down, I was never putting him first. Edward would always come first, and I was tired of that. Jacob deserved much more. After all, he was the one here, taking care of me. The howling broke my thoughts again, and I shivered.

The animal sounded like it was in pain; it was heartbreaking.

---

I wasn't sure if I slept until morning or if I just lost myself in thought, but I was shocked when I opened my eyes to see that the sun was up; although it was draped gloomily by a layer of cloud. I checked my clock; it was 6:33am. I was tired, my eyes were heavy and my body felt stiff. I'd slept in my cloths, I hadn't changed into my pyjamas.

I got up and had a quick shower, getting changed into some track pants and a t-shirt, just something comfortable to wear. I still felt sick, literally, so I crawled back into bed. I knew Charlie would check on me before he left, perhaps he'd even make the suggestion of staying home. If he did, I would take it.

I didn't have the strength to go to school today. And sure enough, ten minutes or so later, I heard a soft knock on my door.  
"Bella?" Charlie called out. I opened the door. He looked worried.  
"Yeah?" I asked, standing awkwardly by the door.  
"Well, Jacob's here to see you," he said, looking guilty.

My stomach did a back-flip, I wasn't ready. No, I didn't want him to break up with me. I didn't want this to be happening, I just wanted it to go back to the way it was before. I stopped; I had to remind myself. Maybe he wasn't breaking up with me, maybe he was just here to say that it's okay, that everything will be alright. I couldn't exactly tell him to go away until I was ready for whatever he had to say.

"Oh…" I responded.  
"Do you want me to tell him to go away?" Charlie asked, looking at me carefully. I shook my head.  
"No, no it's alright," I sighed.  
"Bells - if you don't want to go to school today…" I cut him off.

"Dad, it'll be alright," I tried my best to smile, but I think he saw right through me.  
"Alright kid," he said, pulling me into a half hug. "I'll get to work then, and if you need to talk, you can, you can call me at work, okay?"  
"Okay," I said. If I needed to talk, I'd probably call Renee. But it was nice of him to offer.

Now all that was left was to swallow my pride and go downstairs, and pray that Jacob was willing to forgive me.


	34. Chapter 34: Losing Humanity

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own any characters, places, etc.  
**  
****Author's Note** First of all, I want to apologise to all my readers who have been waiting very patiently for my next update. I'm sorry it's not a great chapter, but hopefully I should be updating a little more often than recently! So thanks for sticking with me, and I hope you enjoy it! :)  
**

EDIT: **sorry about the random editing, I tried to use more spaces but then when I upload it, they all go away so I had to use full stops :/  
** **if anyone has any helpful hints on getting around that, it'd be greatly appreciated :)**

JACOB

I could feel the anger flowing through me. I'd never felt so jealous before in my life, but today was different. I didn't even feel like myself. My body was shaking, I felt hot, I wanted to scream. Driving was probably a really bad idea, but I just had to get away from Bella. Before I knew it I was behind the wheel, speeding through the wet streets of Forks, away from her, half hoping I'd swerve off the road and hit a tree and die. I don't think I was that lucky, though.

Surprisingly, I'd made it onto the reservation in one peice. But I didn't want to go home. I'd told myself that I didn't want to turn into the angry, screaming, jealous boyfriend Bella was scared that I would be. I'd told myself that no matter what happened between me and Bella, that I'd be okay. I told myself that whatever was thrown my way, I'd be okay.

But now Edward's name was resounding in my head. Laughing at me.

My thoughts were rushing through faster than I could think them. I felt like my head was speaking a language I couldn't understand. I felt really hot and really sick. Nothing else seemed to matter at this point. Oh, except for the anger. I stopped the car nowhere in particular, I just had to get out. I rushed out and felt like my legs might collapse beneath me. I steadied myself against the car, breathing heavy all of a sudden. I felt a hot, burning sensation running up my spine.

Something was different. Something was wrong.

I couldn't think. Everything was blurry. I could feel myself moving, stumbling, being led somewhere... I couldn't tell if I was moving at all. I could hear voices that didn't belong to me. Their voices muffled, hidden behind the static in my head. My body was rumbling. There was something inside of me that needed to get out. The burning that had been running up my spine was now consuming my entire body, heating me from the inside out. I could feel my whole body moving, shifting, and I felt as though I was something else entirely. I wasn't myself. I didn't feelhuman. I don't know how long passed, but eventually the burning heat subsided, and became a comforting warmth. I opened my eyes, and everything was clear. Very, very clear.

This was the clearest I've ever seen in my life. I could see every little detail. I could hear everything... every little noise.  
Heartbeats. Beating, coming closer to me. What was I? Terror gripped me, and I feared the worst. I was no longer human. I could feel it. When I looked down in front of me, I saw two giant paws.

What. The. Hell?

--

_Jacob, welcome._

_._

Why was Sam Uley's voice in my head? He was loud and clear. I looked around, and there were two giant wolves standing behind me. I could feel my heart beat faster. I could hear their heartbeat.

.

_I know you must be very confused. It's me, Sam._

_._

One of the wolves stepped forward, bowing it's head at me. Did this voice expect me to believe this was Sam? But something inside me told me this was real.

.

_You know the Quileute legends already, so I won't repeat them. But those legends are true. We are the ones who have transformed into wolves to protect our tribe from the Cold Ones._

_The cold ones._

_._

My mind instantly wandered to Edward.

.

_That's right, Jacob. The Cullen's are vampires. That is why we have transformed._

_._

Edward was a vampire. Bella -

.

_Is not safe. The Cullen's attracted others of their kind here, and now one of them has been making herself at home. She's after Bella._

_._

Sam's voice finished my own sentence.

.

_We don't know why, but she's killing others._

_._

A new voice. Embry. Wait a second. How exactly did they know what I was thinking. And why can I hear them in my head?

.

_We communicate through our thoughts now. We're linked, bonded together. We're brothers._

_._

I had to admit. I was more than a little bit confused. What the hell was going on? Even though the heat and anger were gone - almost, there were still dregs of them within me somewhere, I felt more confused than anything.  
Was this really happening? Or had I indeed swerved off the road, hit a tree and was now lying in a strange delirious state raving on about giant wolves and vampires?  
Somehow, I could see it.

.

_This is real, Jacob._

_._

Embry sounded a little frustrated, but what did he expect Besides, this was my hallucination, I could be as stupid as I liked.

.

_This is NOT a hallucination!_

_._

The wolf that was supposed to be Sam growled.  
So this was their secret gang. Pretty lame gang, really. But then again, it's my head that's making this up. So I'm the lame one.

.

_Jacob, this is real mate. I'm not even kidding. What can we do to make you think this is for real?_

_._

Embry said suddenly.  
I shook my head. What could he do, really? This was a hallucination, anything was possible. Even the most realistic stuff.

I just had to wait until I woke up... or died.

.

_Control your thoughts. Focus on being a human, focus on every feeling you remember having when you were human._

_._

Sam continued to talk me through my transformation back into human form. After humouring him for a while, I eventually made the metamorphasis back into my human form, and I felt myself again. Of course, knowing this was just a really crazy dream, I decided to leave the wolves in the forest and make my back to the car. I got in, drove away back home, and crawled into bed.

When I opened my eyes again, I'd be back to normal. And I would go to Bella, and beg for her forgiveness.


	35. Chapter 35: This Can't Be The Answer

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own Twilight, etc etc.  
**  
****AUTHOR'S NOTE** Ehhh sorry it's so short, I wanted to get this chapter out of the way so I can get back to the lovely Jacob/Bella romance/drama. Haha. Next chapter will be longer, and way better, I promise :D  
****Again, sorry about the weird editing. _" Anyway, enjoy!! :)**

JACOB

Drifting in and out of conciousness, I eventually gave up trying to sleep and got up for a midnight snack. I remembered with a shiver at the anger that had crept it's way through my body. The anger that had burnt me from the bone.

All of that anger had been because of Edward. I'd gone to bed thinking about Bella, praying that she'd forgive me - oh and trying to forget the weird hullucinations I seemed to be having.  
But now, my mind seemed sharper. Things were clear, and straight up in my head.

-

Bella had done a lot of terrible things to me. Aside from constantly confusing the hell out of me, she'd always put Edward at the center of our relationship. Since day one, it had been all about forgetting Edward. Even when Edward had come back into the picture, she went running back to him! And now, she was telling me that she needed me to help her forget him.

Because of Edward, I'd had this strange mental breakdown. I'd imagined wolves, and Sam Uley and vampires. Vampires. Thinking about it now, Edward was pretty pale. But, he didn't have fangs and he walks around in the daytime. No, that's stupid. He's not a vampire.

Thinking about it all again, I could feel the heat tingling up my spine. It was a new sensation - had I really done some damage when I had my little episode. I - I stopped. I realised, with a sudden jolt of my own heart, that I could hear a heartbeat. A heartbeat in the next room. My father's heartbeat.

I could hear him breathing.

--

I walked to his bedroom, and stood outside for a long time. Something was happening to me, and I'm not sure what it was, but I was worried. I needed his advice.  
I knocked loudly, I heard his heart jump and I could imagine him sitting up now. I entered without waiting for a responce, knowing he'd be tired.

"Jacob -" he said, looking at my groggily. I sighed, not knowing how to explain this to him. He'd probably just give me a weird look and tell me to go back to bed.

"Dad, somethings, somethings happened to me ..."

I told him the story, I told him everything. Aside from the details of the fight I had with Bella. But he just nodded and listened, and waited until the end.

"So, what do you think?" I asked, looking warily at him.

"We have much to discuss, Jacob. But I will tell you this much now; none of that was your imagination," he responded, a serious look on his face. So, what, I was doomed to turn into a huge wolf every night or something? Was I a werewolf? Was I gunna start killing people?  
How the hell was I supposed to control this?!

"So, I just, turn into a huge wolf?"

"That's basically the idea. Sam didn't talk to you about this yet?" he asked, looking concerned. Sam. Sam was in on this all too. So those other wolves were really them.

"Sam Uley? Well, he tried to talk to me, but, I didn't really have the patience for it," I replied, thinking back at how frustrated he and Embry had been.  
Wait. They were all in on this, and they didn't bother to tell me before it happened to me. But I'd leave my questions for the guys.

"You'll really need to talk to Sam about all of this," he responded. Before he had a chance to say anything else, I got to my feet and walked from his bedroom. I couldn't think while the old man was talking, I needed some air.

--

I left the house, staring out into the dark forest area around me. There was only one way to find out what was happening to me, and that was Sam. As if reading my thoughts, a huge wolf appeared from the darkess in front of me.

"Sam?" I called out, feeling halfway stupid and halfway terrified of the beast in front of me.

I watched in horror as a strange metamorphasis occured before me; and suddenly Sam Uley was standing in his human form - naked - in front of me. I looked away, waiting for him to cover his shame. But he just stood there.

-

"Jacob. I know this must all be really strange for you. I've been waiting for you to come to your senses and come out here, we need to talk," he said.

"Yeah, how about we talk when you put some pants on," I responded, looking to my feet now.

"We're brothers now. Nudity is a large part of what we do, unfortunatly, so you're just going to have to get used to it. Oh, and, get used to losing a lot of clothes and shoes," he added on the end, with a slight smile.

"You all knew about this, Embry, Quil? Nobody mentioned it to me? Nobody warned me?" I asked, suddenly feeling that anger again.  
"We had to wait until you joined us," he responded, keeping his voice even. He was obviously trying to stop me from getting angry, but I didn't have the patience for that. I didn't have much patience for anything.

"And so what now? I just turn into a huge wolf? Without even controlling it," I added, sighing angrily. Sam looked at me, concerned, but already I could feel the tingly hot sensation running up my spine.

"You can control it, you just need to learn how," he said, sighing himself. I was probably being really difficult, and I knew it wasn't his fault. But seriously - what the hell.

Who decided that teenagers from this tribe should turn into wolves?

"And Jacob. As long as you phase - that is, change into your wolf form - you cannot age." he said, looking at me like I was pathetic. I was pathetic, though.

I was a monster.


End file.
